If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

No matter how I looked at it, it was a very hard call to make. I told myself, “Nothing makes sense in this love that I’ve found myself in. I will walk away. This is not the end of life. If it’s God’s desire for me to be happy in marriage, he will definitely show me the lamb I should use for the sacrifice. I will lay everything down today, so tomorrow I can have another opportunity to start again.” After giving myself a pep talk to walk away, the little voice in my head will say, “We are talking about five years here. Five years of your life wasted in a relationship. No, don’t walk away. He loves you and you know it. He may give you the rules today but tomorrow when he’s over his own fears, he won’t look at the rules. It is you he will look at and be proud of. Marry him. Go in there with him and prove your worth. He’ll forget about everything and love you like he’s always done.”

My heart was in it. The House was on fire but my heart was determined to stay. It said, “The whole thing can burn down but in the end, I will own the wreckage. I will build something out of it and be whole again.” My head didn’t agree. It said, “Of what use is a burning house? If you can stay and make something out of the wreckage, then why don’t you walk away and make something out of the next opportunity? Listen to me, five years of your life is nothing. The best is always ahead of you. Let go and let God be the light on your path.” A battle between the head and the heart. I was only a spectator sitting in between them. They both made a great point. They both spoke with the eloquence of a lying politician. I was the one to make a decision.

I saved the first story I shared. Every now and then, I went back to it, read the story again and read the comments under it. I read every comment. When the comment was so good, I tapped on the profile of the one who wrote it. I will go through his/her profile, read about them, read what they’ve posted on their walls, check their background before I add weight to the advice they gave me. I found a lot of solace in some of the comments but in the end, they were just like the battle between the head and the heart. One will say something I believed was the best thing. The next comment will come up and shatter the foundations of the previous comment I held in high esteem. I was left with nothing to choose from.

The seventh condition made me shiver. “Your parents and your siblings are your exclusive problems. I can’t be made to cater to them. They can visit only once in a while but they can’t stay for over a week.” I said, “I will give birth one day. I will love to stay with my mom. Does that mean she can’t come and live with us? What if they get sick and I’m out of funds? Who do I run to for help?”

One evening I was going through my Whatsapp Status when his status popped up. He was out with friends, drinking and having fun. Under one of his statuses he wrote, “Life is too short to worry. Chill when you can.” I was there killing myself with worries while he was out there having fun. I knew I had to make a decision fast and get everything done. 

I went to my mom one weekend. Immediately I saw her, this guilt crept into y heart. I said, “See how she suffered because of me but I’m here thinking of marrying a man who has no regard for her existence. That’s sad.” That evening I asked my mom, “How often would you like to visit me when I finally move to my husband’s house?” She said, “If you need me, I will come but apart from that, I have a house. The bed here is comfortable.” I asked, “So you won’t have a problem if my husband doesn’t want to see you in our house?” She said, “Why would you marry someone who doesn’t want to see your parents? Would he want to see his own parents?” I said, “It’s just a question. And I’m asking because of your answer to the first question.”

She said, “Do you know that I married someone else before your father? Maybe I didn’t tell you but your dad is my second husband. The first one was a rich man. He was ten years older than me and was very rich. When he said he wanted to marry me, my dad didn’t agree. My mom sided with my dad eventually and they both fought against the marriage. I thought they hate me. I was going into wealth and they were trying to prevent me. I fought them. I insulted them. I called them enemies of progress. I even told them they could disown me for all I care. I was young and very stupid. The lights in the man’s wealthy home got me blinded but my father knew what I didn’t know and I wasn’t ready to listen. 

I got married to him. They didn’t want to attend my marriage ceremony but the elders in the family forced them to be there. I got married, left their bug-infested house to my husband’s house. A year later, my husband started beating me. He will come home drunk and start punching me. I had no one to complain to so I ran to my husband’s parents. The mother told me, “If you didn’t do anything wrong, why would he beat you?” His father didn’t look at me twice before telling me, “All you village girls are like that. You see wealth and you start to misbehave. Count yourself lucky to be married to a man like my son.”

My first pregnancy was destroyed. He beat me when I was pregnant. He poured a hot tea on me because there was too much sugar. Another time, he poured it on me because there was so little sugar. The day I ran home to my parents and told them the story, my father got up and rush to my husband’s house. I didn’t know he was that strong. He beat my husband white and blue. He ended up in cells for a whole week. When he came back I was too shy to even look at his face. They dissolved the marriage but guess what, through it all, my father or mother never held anything against me. I thought they were going to say, “We told you so” but they never did. When your father said he will marry me, I counted on my dad’s approval before saying yes. Family doesn’t seem important until all you need is a family. If you meet a man and he doesn’t like your family or doesn’t want to see your family, leave him. He has no good intentions.”

I called my boyfriend that evening. I said, “Can I see you on Monday evening?” He said, “Since when did you need permission before seeing me. He laughed. He said he missed me. I said, “See you then.” Monday evening I was with him. I picked my phone and started reading the rules out to him. I asked, “Tell me the truth. Does this sound like marriage in your ears?” He said, “But this is normal? Go to the Western countries, everyone signs to a document or another before marriage. Yes, I love you but I need assurances too.” I said, “Great. I also need assurances. Are you ready?” He said, “I brought mine first. Tell me you’ve accepted before you can bring yours. Let’s finalized mine before we move to another.”

READ ALSO: My Husband Watched Me Suffer For Three Years Before Confessing The Truth

I took a deep breath in and said, “There’s nothing to finalize. I’m walking out. Life is not a straight line. Somewhere it bends. If I had a house and you were moving in after marriage, nothing will make me think of asking you to pay rent. You see your hairline? It’s growing thinner each day. Just imagine I told you never to go bald after marriage. But you had the gut to tell me to maintain the same size after marriage. I saw your mother’s picture the last time we were there. She was nowhere closer to how she looks now. Have you thought about that?” He said, “You’re taking things too far. This is just a guideline. I didn’t say they are caste in stones.” I responded, “What’s on the paper is who you are. Thank you for telling me. Find yourself another woman who will bend to these rules. Definitely not me.”

That was in April. I got home and slept like a baby. It was like a burden had been lifted off my chest. I woke up the next morning and saw his missed calls. I called back. He said, “Can we talk about everything again?” I said, “I’ve said everything. Unless you have something new to tell me.” He said, “I get you but can you give me more time to realign myself? We will get married later, without rules and without conditions.” I smiled. I said, “If five years didn’t help. I wonder how many more years will help. Feel free. Take all the time you need. When you’re ready, marry someone else. I’m ok. I’m not angry.”

Something about marriage scares him. Maybe he wanted to marry me because we’ve been together for five years. He’s doing it as a favor to me but not because he wants to marry. I understand that but I don’t want anyone’s son to give me marriage as a favor. We’ve been apart since April. He comes in every now and then trying to convince me to go back to him. I’ve made up my mind. He should find someone else who will fall for his terms and conditions. This girl here has moved on.    

—Mama