Before he became my boyfriend, he told me about his ex-girlfriend. She was the one who broke his heart. Even the expression on his face when he spoke about her was pain. It was in his voice too. I am sure that if he was an emotional crier he would have cried while talking about her. Honestly, it concerned me.
I asked myself, “Is this guy really over his ex as he says? If she walks back into his life right now, won’t he jump into her arms like a puppy who is excited to see its owner?”
I asked him the same thing in a tactful way but he said, “Oh Joyce? Joyce belongs to my past. I am long over her. I am only telling you about her because I want to be as open with you as possible about my past. That’s all.” He sounded very certain so I accepted that her chapter in his life was over.
Three months ago, he asked me to be his girlfriend. By then our friendship had grown deep and I had gotten to know him well enough to fall in love with him. Things were great. You know how new love is. It makes you feel like you are floating on helium. You are so sure that nothing will come between you two. That’s how I felt about Yaw.
The magic only began to wear off when I realized one day that Yaw liked to talk about Joyce. A relationship that ended three years before ours began found a seat in ours. I didn’t want things to get to the point where he wouldn’t make a statement without mentioning Joyce. So one day I drew his attention to it. “I have noticed that you talk about your ex a lot,” I said. He was surprised, “Really? I didn’t know I was doing it. Thank you for letting me know.” He did not make any promises to change but he did.
He stopped talking about her so I was assured that she won’t be a problem for us. Things were progressing fairly well until recently we had a misunderstanding. This is how everything happened.
Although we are together, we are not Facebook friends so I don’t see what goes on his page. The other day, his account was displayed on my Facebook wall under “People you may know”. Out of curiosity, I tapped on the profile to check it out.
He is very active on his page. I went through his photos and saw that he had pictures of his ex there. I didn’t know what she looked like but when I saw them, I knew it was her. They were many. Some of the posts had pictures of the girl with captions. Others had pictures of the girl and Yaw together. They looked chummy. Their mutual friends had a field day making comments and teasing them.
I don’t have a problem with the fact that he has an ex. In this day and age, most people do. I certainly don’t have a problem with the fact that he posted her photos when they were together. However, these pictures are old. I am talking about 2013 to 2015 kind of old. I don’t see the point in someone keeping old pictures of their ex on their social media page.
I didn’t think they were a good look so I called him. He confirmed that the girl was his ex, Joyce. I advised him to either delete the pictures or archive them. He said no. I asked why and he said, “I don’t joke with my memories. Joyce may not be part of my life right now but she is an important part of my past so I prefer to leave her pictures as it is.” I tried to understand him but I just couldn’t.
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The days that followed led to some arguments. I kept suggesting he deletes the photos and he kept refusing. At one point he told me, “I have a story to write about my life and those pictures will help me tell the stories. That’s why I can’t delete it now. Give me some time to work out a few things.” Again, I tried to understand his point but I couldn’t.
I know that we are different people so we will see things differently. Keeping old photos of his ex-girlfriend on his Facebook page makes sense to him but it’s not something I find myself accepting. I am angry that he doesn’t want to listen to me. He also says I am overreacting. Is he right? Or am I right?
–Esther
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#SB
Hmm, Dear Esther,
I think he may have a point in keeping those old photos. The only thing that will be problematic here is his attitude towards you when talk about her ex.
The question here is;
How does he reacts when talking about her ex?
Has been posting pics of ex recently?
And how does he treats you now comparing to previous times?
I will suggest you give him some more time to get over his ex and also try and help him out.
I will say, am kind of going through the same thing here.
YOU ARE OVERREACTING, CHLL
My dear esther its better u leave him for own sake if he cant forget about his ex cos ex is ex ( past tense) and u cant bring what happened in the past between ur relationship and how will he feel if u were doing what he is doing so to cut the story short forget about him and move on with ur life and wait for a better man , a man who wouldnt being his ex into ur relationship rather than waiting for him to change cos he is not going to change even in marriage so decide ur happiness or suffer in the relationship , chose one of them wisely
Eii u too why.
Every small time people should leave their relationship.
Is it jealousy or it’s agenda