I noticed him because he was kind to me once. At that point in my life, all I needed was kindness, no matter who it was coming from. When he came close, I smelled his perfume and I remember thinking to myself, “I don’t like his fragrance. He smells like the devil.”
The devil is my ex and his name is Fifii. The only guy who took me through the gutters for two years but still didn’t see the need to leave him. I stayed because I was scared I wouldn’t find another man like him. He was doing me a favour by loving me. If I let him go, I would be miserable. So for two years, he committed all the sins the devil would be scared to commit. He was everything a good man wasn’t but I stayed until he finally discarded me like a used tissue. I was bloodied and on the floor, but he left me to die. He moved on as if I was nothing.
He was the reason I decided not to fall in love again. His love maimed me. It took all the confidence in me and replaced it with fear and uncertainty. I was scared to meet a man. Even when my pastor asked me to see him for counselling, I concluded he’d treat me like Fiifi did. I didn’t go though I needed all the help his counselling could give.
But this man appeared from nowhere with kindness and yet smelled like the devil himself. When he asked for my number, I gave it to him but I asked myself, “Who will pick up the phone when he calls?” He didn’t give me his number so the first time he called, I picked up the phone. “Bright here. I took your number days ago, remember? The guy in a white shirt and blue trousers.”
We talked. I got to know where he lived—just a stone throw from my place. I got to know he was a doctor—a young doctor who had practised for less than a year. What else did I get to know? Errrrm, yes. I got to know he wanted to be a friend. I said yes to friendship while hoping he’d change his perfume. He was a doctor so I felt he wouldn’t get the time to be talking to me all the time. I felt safe.
He called every morning asking if I slept well. In the afternoon, he called to ask how my day was going. In the evening, we would text until late in the night. One day, I told him about the condition of my heart thinking he’d have a drug for me—a drug that would numb the pain and turn my heart into a stone so I wouldn’t love again. He laughed at me. He said, “It’s a young heart. It has many roads to travel and many waters to navigate. Don’t kill it just yet.”
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“We live across from each other so why are we living life like a million miles exist between us?” He asked me. I shrugged my shoulders before typing, “We are two busy people. You can’t blame us.”
He came home the next day. He still smelled like the devil. I told him about his fragrance and we both laughed about it. “I’m a devil by scent and not by character,” he told me. I responded, “Both are the same. You can’t smell like the devil and be good. You can’t win.”
It was just a silly joke to make us laugh but guess what, he changed his perfume. He brought the can to me and asked me to smell it. “Is this better? Does it help you to forget the devil in my shirt?” We laughed about it but I felt heard. Seen. Understood. I gave him an A scorecard for understanding me.
For weeks we were just friends. I cooked and he came to eat. He took me out on weekends. One night we went out and ended up at his place. We were both burning with desire. It had been two years since I experienced such a desire. He hadn’t proposed to me but I allowed myself to go all the way with him. It was great. A worthy sin I must say. In the morning when the sunlight tapped on my thighs to wake me up, I asked myself, “What have I gotten myself into? Why did I allow this to happen? Do I ever learn?”
Out of guilt and shame, I started dressing up. He held me from behind and said, “We need to talk.” I asked when and he said, “When you’re ready.” I responded, “Then let’s talk this evening. I have a lot of things to do and it’s already morning.” He sighed while I preen myself, getting ready to leave.
He didn’t text the whole day. He didn’t call the whole day. My phone was on my chest all day, waiting for him to call or text like he used to. But that day, he didn’t text or call. Late in the night, when I was going to sleep, I texted, “Are you OK? Haven’t heard from you all day.” He texted back when I was asleep, telling me how busy his schedules were. I saw the text in the morning and said nothing. Again he didn’t call or text that day.
I got the message. It’s sex he wanted. He had gotten it. Why sweat? I hit myself in the head and started crying, “You never learn, you this girl. You called him a devil and still fell for his trick. You deserve whatever you go through.” I cried but even at the center of my tears, I still had hope that Bright would come through for me. He never did. Days passed by slowly. Weeks silently walked by without saying hello. And then a month. I accepted my folly. I’ve been fooled by desire and ought to pay the price.
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One early morning, I heard a knock on my door. I opened and saw him in his joggers, sweating and panting; “I was jogging around here and decided to check up on you. Why don’t you join me, the sun isn’t up yet.
I looked sternly into his eyes and said, “Thanks for passing by. Can I go back to sleep now?” I was shutting my door when he held the knob. “Please don’t go. I understand I’ve been evil. You don’t have to forgive me but can you at least listen to me?” It was no longer an invite to jog. He wanted to talk. I said bye-bye to him and shut my door.
In my next life, I’ll ask God to create me a woman but plead with him to give me the audacity of men, audacity in all the colours and shades. I find it impressive. Men will do you wrong and disappear only to reappear and pretend everything is alright. God is not fair. Why give all this audacity to one gender?
I shut the door but couldn’t shut him out of my life forever.
He closes from work and finds his way to my place. He knocks in the morning and knocks at night. I listened to him one day. All he brought were an apology and a plea for a second chance. “There was no first chance so how can there be a second? We were not a thing. Sex happened and you moved. You don’t owe me anything.”
The way Bright is begging me, if Fiifi comes today and does half of what this man is doing, I probably might fall for it. I’ve never had a man lie on the floor and ask me to walk on him like Bright is doing.
He said he was going through a lot. The day after sex, a patient he was handling died. The following day, a child he was handling also died. His emotions were all over the place but he’s sorry for abandoning me. I said, “Classical! How classical! Everything falls apart in the lives of men right after sex. I bet if that sex didn’t happen, those patients wouldn’t have died and he would still be with me the following day.
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Well, I’ve run out of chances to give. The ones I gave Fiifi was like cocking a gun and giving it to him to shoot me. He didn’t fail. He shot me at any given chance but because I didn’t die, I kept loading his gun and he used me for target training. Not this time. He who will stay will stay. Those who won’t give a sign. It’s up to us to believe the signs before we start seeing wonders.
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—Athena
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Hmm asemoo
Before you start looking for another partner, please talk to the pastor. Don’t do it alone. The pastor will help to direct you to the Helper. The union of souls is best guided by the creator of souls. If you wait to fall in love, it would be too late. You’ll think you can do it alone and it will end sadly.
The audacity of men
I am soo pissed
Thumbs up girl, you are a champ
Pour him hot water the next time
Give him a second chance Wai, he’s done enough groveling to last him a lifetime. Men are just big boys. Often times we want to be in control and when the sly cupid arrow hits us, we act silly. We either become the hotel carpet you trample on or we bolt! Sex is overrated here. Could be, but clearly he’s had time to process and he’s come to the realization that he’s incomplete without you. Give him one more try, Wai. And if he repeats any of the things I’ve said, then he’s the real deal (lol)!
Athena, your story is like a rollercoaster of desire, confusion, and a dash of audacity, with Bright making quite the entrance. It’s almost like a romantic comedy with a twist. Here you are, trying to protect your heart from the Fiifi’s of the world, and Bright strolls in smelling like the devil, literally!
I have to say, I appreciate your wit and no-nonsense attitude. You don’t take Bright’s apology and pleas lightly. And I couldn’t help but chuckle at your observation that everything seems to fall apart in men’s lives right after sex. It’s like they’re living in a real-life soap opera!
Your firm stance on not giving out more chances is entirely understandable. After all, you’ve had your fair share of “target practice” in the past. Now, you’ve got your guard up and aren’t handing over your heart as easily. You’ve learned from your experiences, and that’s commendable.
Now, here’s a piece of advice that applies to everyone, not just in the realm of romance:
Never Compromise Your Self-Respect: While it’s essential to be open to love and new experiences, it’s equally crucial to maintain your self-respect. In any relationship, be it romantic, familial, or friendly, always demand the respect you deserve. If someone crosses your boundaries or treats you poorly, don’t be afraid to walk away.
It’s better to be single and happy than in a relationship that makes you feel disrespected or undervalued. Trust your instincts, learn from your past experiences, and don’t be afraid to hold out for someone who truly values and respects you.
Remember, self-respect is the key to building healthy, fulfilling, and loving relationships in the long run. So keep those audacious qualities intact, Athena, and never forget your self-worth! Who knows what’s in store for you next? Maybe you’ll get that rom-com ending you deserve, or perhaps you’ll continue enjoying your single life without the chaos of love. Either way, your story is definitely a unique blend of comedy and drama. Keep those audacious qualities intact, Athena!
-Atieno-
Since you’ve confessed that you’re terribly damaged by Fiifi thus finding it difficult to accept Bright’ apology , I will ask that you make time and heal properly before going into another relationship.
Note: It is always the ones we love that hurt us the most.
I don’t understand why women also have the audacity to blame all men after they have made their own stupid mistakes. Do you think all men are the same?
There are very decent and reasonable men out there who would have rejected that free sex you offered to Bright, and I think you ladies should understand that it is not every man who puts premium on sex
As a matter of fact, some of us value rice and beef sauce more than sex, and it is only senseless men who go about pursuing common sex as if their lives depend on it
Pls let’s not put all men and women in the same bracket when you we go about making our own silly mistakes and sleeping around as if we’re prostitutes, because there are some very decent young men and women out there