I got married in 2024, so you can say my marriage is still very young. It hasn’t even been two years yet, but all the love and care I’m supposed to have for him is gone. I keep asking myself where it went.

After the wedding, I moved back home to give birth since I was pregnant with our first child. I left when I was five months pregnant and stayed there until the baby was seven months old.

I was a new mum and wanted the baby to start solids before moving back home. This was discussed with my husband and I thought we were on the same page because he agreed.

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When the baby was five months, I left him with my parents and came to spend a weekend with my husband. I assumed he was a man and must be starved of care and attention. When the baby turned six months, I made the trip again to see him. That was when our troubles started. I found out something that night and I cried bitterly.

When our baby was seven months, we finally moved back to join him.

I casually decided to check his phone because of what I had seen some months ago and I found out about a lady. We fought about her that same day. Then later that evening, around 11 pm, the same woman called him.

Who calls a married man at that hour?

When I questioned it, he said that just because he is married doesn’t mean he can’t receive calls. I talked and talked, trying to make him see my point, but it did nothing except put him on his high horse. He carried his heavy face around the house for days. He wouldn’t eat, he wouldn’t talk to me. We lived like strangers under the same roof.

I got tired of it, so I apologized and begged him to eat.

I excused him, I told myself “He didn’t know what he was doing.” I told myself he had been starved for a long time and maybe my absence caused it.

I caught him again; he left his laptop with me and asked me to send something through his WhatsApp. I finished what he asked and was about to send it when I saw his locked chats open. Only women were there. Curiosity got the best of me and I realized my return had changed nothing.

My husband keeps several flings. There is one lady in particular who was cooking for him and also having sex with him in my absence. He still sends her flirty messages. He even pays her school fees. The way he professes love to her and cares for her makes me feel unwanted in my own home. It makes me feel like I will never be enough, like I am fighting a losing battle comparing myself to her.

In the messages, he openly tells her how much he loves her and wants to be a better man for her. Meanwhile, he does not even respond when I tell him I love him.

I asked him why he still kept contact with her now that I was back and doing everything I was supposed to do. He got angry and tried to play smart ” Since you got back, you’ve just been disrespecting me and invading my privacy” Does a married man have privacy?

As usual, he stopped talking to me, he didn’t eat my food but I allowed him sulk. And I noticed how our fights only encourages him on his escapades.

When he finally calmed down, I explained how I felt. He apologized and said he would not do those things anymore, but he never explained why he did them in the first place.

I can’t move past it. I keep imagining that he cheated and still kept flirting with them even while I was lying on the same bed with him, doing everything he wanted. I have tried to forgive. I have prayed and fasted. But there is still bitterness and resentment in me.

These days, I am quiet more often, even though I used to be very bubbly. He says childbirth has changed me and that I am no longer as lively as I used to be. He does not know that his actions are the reason I have become this way.

It’s Not God’s Law For A Man To Apologize To A Woman


I don’t know how to move past this and feel whole again. It is taking a toll on me. I have thought about leaving, but every time I bring it up, I am told to have patience because the marriage is still young. Some people even say I am partly to blame because I left for a long time.

I just need help.

 

—Vickie

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