My boyfriend works as a studio manager in a media house and also runs his own side business. He has been nothing short of amazing so far. The only thing that rubs me off throughout the relationship is the fact that he has never supported me financially. Not even once. He visits me empty-handed and leaves without offering a single penny.

I lost my job recently, but I’ve been using my small savings to set up a container so I can start a business. I’ve shared everything about my plans with him. All the errands I run concerning the shop, he knows.

Despite all this, he hasn’t offered to help me in any way. He didn’t even the question, “How can I help?” That would have at least given me the chance to say, “It’s alright babe, I have got this.”

I believe sometimes you don’t have to do so much for the person you love. Just the thought alone is everything. That’s what I have been expecting from my man but so far I have seen nothing.

When I lost my brother, he didn’t attend the funeral. He said he didn’t have money for transportation. I was hurt. So when he lost his dad, I also didn’t attend the funeral.

I know it was petty of me to be vindictive like that but I saw an opportunity to make him feel how I felt when he didn’t show up for me, and I took it.

Somehow, none of us made an issue out of it. We found a way to move past that phase.

Now when it comes to money, I have spoken to him about it. “You are a man I am planning a future with. If you don’t show me now that you are a provider, how can I trust that you will take care of me in marriage?”

His explanation every time is that there’s pressure on his money. His parents are currently unemployed. He said he is currently responsible for their upkeep. He also has a brother in immigration training. “I am the same person supporting him as well. By the time I am done making these expenses, I am barely left with anything for myself.”

I understand him but won’t he still be responsible for taking care of his parents when we get married? Does that mean he won’t make room to provide for our home? This is why I am concerned.

I know he is a good man. Apart from his stinginess, I honestly have no complaints. He’s quiet, observant, checks up on me regularly through calls and texts, and always tells me his whereabouts and plans. When we argue, I tend to talk a lot, but his responses are usually just “okay” or “hmm.”

I am not a fan of sex. Thankfully, neither is he. For instance, our last time was three months ago. I like that about him a lot. The fact that he doesn’t put pressure on me to give it to him is all the proof I need to know that we are compatible on that subject.

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So far, I can say that he is everything I want in a man. The only problem I have with him is the stinginess. I thought he would change along the line but he hasn’t.

I gave him something nice on his birthday. When it got to my turn, all I got from him was, “Happy Birthday.” No present.

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I wasn’t expecting much but a little gesture would have meant a lot. This is why I am worried. I’m not a demanding girlfriend. All I want is a little thoughtfulness or support but he makes me feel I am asking for too much.

Now I’m scared that if we marry, he might leave all the responsibilities on me. The married women here, are my concerns valid? Or is it possible that he will act differently when we finally get married? I want to understand if this is a red flag.

—Leah

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