I’m in my early thirties, and I’ve been dating a woman in her twenties. From the beginning, we both agreed that the relationship was headed toward marriage. I wanted that too. But within just three months, I have started noticing some signs that give me reasons to worry.

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It began with how she handled communication. If I missed her calls for just a few hours, she would come angrily to my house to pick a fight with me. “You are avoiding me, aren’t you?”

The truth is, who stays glued to their phone all the time? Sometimes I get busy. Other times, I’m just not with the phone. But instead of giving me the benefit of the doubt, she’d already convinced herself I was ignoring her.

Another issue was how she dealt with conflict. She didn’t like discussing problems. If something came up and I tried to talk about it, she would go silent or withdraw emotionally.

No one is perfect but my girlfriend believes she is. I am not allowed to correct her. If she makes a mistake and I point it out to her, she will get offended. Every little thing sets her off. I started walking on eggshells, trying to communicate with her so she wouldn’t misunderstand me.

Yes, I have spoken to her about her attitude. However, all the time I tried to address it, she dismissed me saying, “You talk too much. Everything, you will say it. Don’t you get tired of complaining?”

As if expressing myself or raising concerns was a bad thing. I know she doesn’t always listen to me. The moment I open my mouth, she just pounces on me.

What makes things even more complicated is her constant involvement of her mother in our relationship. Her mom would often call to discuss matters between the two of us, and I’d find myself explaining and justifying things not just to my girlfriend, but to her mother too. It felt invasive, like I was always under scrutiny from two people instead of being in a private, mature relationship between adults.

A few days ago, she left my place and got home late. She didn’t communicate to her mum that she would be late so the woman was worried. When she got home, both mother and daughter said I was responsible for the poor communication. They said I, not my girlfriend, should have called to tell her mum that my girl would be home late.

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There was a lot of back and forth. My airtime even finished but my girl didn’t call me back. The next morning, I sent her a message saying, “Good morning, dear. How was your night? I thought about what your mom said yesterday. At least it will help her worry less if I communicate with her. I will do that next time.”

That one too they said I was wrong. According to them, I should have apologised instead of sending that message.

After all this, she still had the courage to ask me for money.

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Moments like these make me question the future of this relationship. I know in my heart I can’t be with someone who lacks basic communication skills, emotional maturity, and respect for boundaries.

Nonetheless, I know that love is not easy. Sometimes people learn to adapt to each other. So I find myself asking if all we need is a little time to find our rhythm. Am I being impatient by labelling her a red flag?

— Gomex

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