It started when I was at the university. I think in my third year. There was this laundry guy who came to the hall to collect people’s dirty laundry. He’ll then take them away to their laundry, wash, iron and return them to get paid. He would be walking down the corridors early mornings and screaming, “The laundry man is here, bring out your dirty clothes.” My roommates patronized him but I never did. One morning he knocked on our door and I came out. I told him, “Your customers are not here today. They went out last night and didn’t come back.”
He stood there looking at me while licking his lips. I looked at myself just in case I was exposed somehow. I wasn’t. He told me, “You can also become a customer. Try me today and you’ll always use me.”
I didn’t use him not because I didn’t like his service. I simply didn’t have the money to pay for his services every weekend. I told him I didn’t have money and he told me to still bring my clothes. “Are you going to do it for free?” I asked. He answered, “For someone like you, I’ll do it for free.”
“For someone like me? How?” I thought to myself yet went in and brought out my laundry. I screamed, “I don’t have money oooo. Don’t come and say I should pay ooo because I don’t have kobo.” He laughed while packaging my laundry into his big collector’s bag. He walked away and returned my things early the next morning. He didn’t take anything except my number. He said he would like to call me the next time before he comes so he didn’t have to knock on my door. I gave him my number and that very day, this guy sent me a voice note proposing to me.
He didn’t even know my name so he called me Aunty. He couldn’t write his message because he couldn’t speak English. I don’t think he’d ever been to school. “Aunty, since I saw you I can’t sleep. Your beautiful face is all I see when I close my eyes. Please, can you be my girlfriend? Don’t think I’m a laundry boy so I have nothing. I don’t mind giving you all my money because I love you and…”
I couldn’t get to the end of the voice note. I sent him one, warning him never to say that to me again. Then I blocked him. I thought that would make him stop but he didn’t. He told my roommates about it. Anytime he came around, he came knocking and asking to see my face. Because of me, he was washing for my roommates for free so they’ll convince me to say yes to his proposal. My roommates found it funny but I didn’t. I warned them not to entertain him in my name. It was like an obsession. He even asked for my photos from one of my roommates. I reported him to the security and they stopped him from coming into our hall of residence.
I had a boyfriend then. I told him about it and he laughed at me. I had dated him for about two years but this guy at some point started giving me space. He wouldn’t answer my calls or come to visit like he used to. He had no explanation for his behaviour apart from needing space. I gave him space and the space consumed us. We couldn’t mend so we went our separate ways.
After him, no man approached me again until I completed school and started my national service. At my place of work, the cleaner there fell in love with me. I was the first person to go to work so I met him each morning cleaning the offices. I’ll greet him and he’ll answer with a grin. One day I came to work and saw a sealed white envelope on my table. He was around doing his work. I opened the envelope and it was a letter with my name on it.
After reading it, I saw the name Edu underneath. I didn’t know any Edu in our office so I was wondering who it could be that he didn’t have the courage to say it to my face. This cleaner walked up to me before I could put the letter down and said, “That’s from me. I hope you won’t look at the way I am now and say no. I’ve attended school. I’m doing this because there’s no job.”
When some calibre of people keep approaching you for a date, sometimes you have to look at yourself and ask what you did to make it so easy for them to approach you. I asked him, “What made you think you’re the kind of guy I’ll love to date? You think I’m your mate? You think all I deserve in life is a guy like you? Do I look like someone in your space?” He was smiling, so determined to make me see him in a different light than a cleaner. I could even be older than him.
When my supervisor came, I asked him where they got the cleaner from and he told me his mother was the one doing the cleaning but she fell sick so she brought her son to take over. I didn’t want him to lose his job, thinking it was his means of taking care of his sick mother. A few days later, he sent another letter. One day I was on a trotro going home when he also came to board the trotro. He sat ahead of me so when the mate was collecting the fares he paid mine for me. I told the mate to refund his money and take mine but the mate didn’t. I didn’t want to create a scene so I kept quiet. When I alighted he did too. He said, “I want to go and see where you live so I can come and visit you one day.”
The following day I reported him and he got the sack. It wasn’t easy for me but that was the only way to get him off my back. Even after he’d been sacked, anytime I picked a trotro, I scanned the faces of the passengers to be sure he wasn’t already in. I told my parents about it and they found it funny so they laughed at me. I didn’t see it funny at all. I started reflecting on what was wrong in my life and what I could do better not to attract such people into my life.
I stayed home for two years after my national service before I had a job. All through those periods, I never had a man walk up to me to propose to me. I didn’t think so much about it because I didn’t have a job but sometimes I got worried. I lost my last relationship when I was in school and since then nothing has happened in my life.
When I started work, it became a prayer topic for me to meet a man sooner. If I was going to get married, I needed to land the man while I was still young so we could study each other, start dating and later talk about marriage.
I was at my desk one afternoon when the security lady brought me coconut juice packaged in a poly bag with the flesh of the coconut. I asked who it was coming from and she pointed at the street in front of our office. She said, “The guy selling coconut there said I should give it to you.” I looked through the glass and saw him seated there looking in my direction through the glass. I told the security lady, “I’m not the one who ordered it. Ask him very well and send to it the rightful owner.” She came back again saying it was mine. I went out to the seller to be sure. He nodded. “It’s for you. A gift.”
I bought from him the day before but I didn’t think that should warrant a free one the next day. I took it but didn’t eat it. The next day, he sent another one. I was outside when it was given to me. The guy who brought it said his boss said he should bring it to me. I looked at him from across the road and he waved cheerfully. I walked to his end and told him I didn’t need to drink coconut juice every day so he should stop sending it. Less than a week later, he was in front of the office waiting for me. “Ahuh, what’s your problem?” I asked.” He answered, “Can I see you when you close today? There’s something I want to tell you.” I said, “Go on and say it. After work, I can’t wait.” He said, “Then give me your number so I call you and we discuss it.”
Right from his facial expressions, I knew what he was about. I walked away leaving him there. I tried so hard not to cry but somehow tears found their way through my eyes.
I called my mom; “This thing is no longer funny. I believe there’s something wrong somewhere. This one is a coconut seller in front of my office. Nooo, something is wrong somewhere.” On a normal day, my mom would have laughed at me but this one didn’t make her laugh. She said, “We need to do something about it but where do we start from?”
As I write this, my mom is out there speaking to pastors and asking for directions. My dad thinks it’s a curse that needs to be broken. He even asked if I had ever sought the help of a fetish to help me land a man. “You mean for-boys? How would I do that? For what?” He’s also interceding for me while I lay here thinking through my past life and asking what might have gone wrong.
Is it normal? Not once and not twice. From a laundry boy to an office cleaner and now a coconut seller? I don’t fault them for seeing something in me that they like. Love is like that. Infatuation can also work like that. Usually, you admire things you can’t have and you move on but these people don’t move on. They get the courage to come to me believing they stand a chance.
How Do I Spend Eternity With A Man Like This? | Beads Media
What about me makes it easier for them to come forward but makes it hard for the calibre of men I want to approach me? I’m getting scared about the future. I won’t be surprised if one day a madman chase after me singing out loud his proposal. I need answers but where do I get them?
–Doris
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The laundry man, the cleaner and the coconut seller are human beings but the manner you described them makes one think they’re less of a human. The man you wish to come for you is also thinking you’re not his class or his league hence he’s staying away from you. Work on yourself and treat everyone as humans. Let them know you can’t have anything to do them instead of rubbing your little beauty in their face as if they’re less human.
You class of man will come but remember, to find true love men can disguise and get the better woman at the end of the day.
Have a blessed day
We all can’t have gold. There is nothing wrong with you. Never look down on any one. For all you may know the one you looking for is among these people .The cleaner, the coconut seller are all people, you are not above them . The way you saying they are not of your standard is the same way someone else is saying you are not of his standard so they won’t approach you.These stupid things that woman do and find themselves at 38,31 etc and they are not still married. Let’s take jeremiah in the bible for instance God told him to go to the porter ,when he went he saw the porter with clay. The porter was using the clay to mould items of different shapes. To you clay is useless but to the porter is something that can be used to make somethings beautiful. All these men are not gold but bronze ,silver,copper,aluminium but does not mean they are worthless, they can be molded into something beautiful. Life is not all about what we see on the outside but is more of the inside. If you don’t take care you will turn 49 and still be single. All these men are brought your way by God to teach you how to be humble. Don’t be haughty cause you end up loosing good people. If you don’t like them say it nicely. Never look down on others cause the same thing will be done to you. Never set your standards too high nor too low. Ask God to give you a sign among these people because you keep bringing them to me for a reason. Use this to pray.
All The Truth and sense has been said already.
Be human a bit and stop the nonsensical way of thinking that you have.
If this laundry man, office cleaner and the coconut seller were to be your brothers what type of ladies will you advised them to get married to sometimes we course ourselves by behavior
Our lives are designed by our creator. Maybe in your life, you need a low status man to hit your apex in everything.
It’s time you stop looking down on ppl who aren’t in your class. Apart from your education, what physically do you have that these ppl don’t have? Or the air you breath is special and different that of them??
Look, i know a female banker who’s married to an Aphosory (those who sew cover for vehicle car seats etc) The guys highest education is jss but he’s very creative and a good thinker. He was a customer to the bank and the woman saw his potentials… Simple.
Hey, be humble my dear.
ur story is quite funny and a little annoying to read. U got someone sacked because he keeping professing his love to u. Someone offered to gift u coconut something he sells to make money because he admires u and u warned him not to do that again cos u are way above him ryt? I really don’t have a problem if u don’t like them but the way u make them feel they r way beneath u is very bad. For u to even write about it on a big platform like this shows how much u r irritated by them approaching u. Well continue to wait for ur type hopefully someone shows up ‘someone ur standard ‘
It’s not always a curse as being presumed,
It could be a blessing in disguise.
Have a descending spirit. They might be coming your way for a reason.
The coconut seller today might be a business mogul tomorrow whose assistance you might need for your future endeavors.
Try to be at peace with everyone and maintain friendships, no one knows tomorrow.
No one is forcing you to like them in return but know how to go about it.
Don’t let them feel less of a human being.
Pray and seek for God’s guidance and directions.
No one knows the genesis of a great man.
You said the cleaner that you got fired mentioned that he had been to school but there’s no job. Had that same guy approached you in a shirt and tie he would have been worth your attention. There’s no curse, you can pray all you want, your mom can consult all the powerful pastors if you’re to marry such a person you will not be able to change it. All people are created equal, treat them as such.
Your story is quite funny, I was laughing all through but beyond that I think I really understand how you feel, I would feel the same way too. If I am to be honest with you I think you should give it a chance. But don’t just jump into it because people are saying you should accept what comes your way, you should be humble and bla bla bla
Take your time if it ever happens next look out for good qualities in the person, find a positive enough reason to want to give it a try, to say a yes or a no. If a man is creative, hardworking and intelligent, he is destined to succeed, even without a degree or a high paying job ATM. Funny you can find the best kind of love life and happiness with people like this most times than with the kind of men you think are your class.
If you don’t mind I will love to get to know you..
Go to YouTube and pray with this payer alter, #NSPPD every morning from Monday to Friday, you can Google about them too the founder is pastor Jerry Eze and he is a very powerful man of God. He will be holding a prayer conference in Ghana next year, you can book a seat at Eventbrite and you will thank me later.
All the best