I am the last child of my mother’s five children but I was her least favorite. I don’t know what I ever did to my own mother to make her dislike me. Her resentment was apparent in the way she treated me. My siblings saw it, my father knew it and none of them stood up for me. After senior high school, I studied a diploma course that should help me get a job early.  My mother’s abuse did not stop so my father helped me to move out of the house. Unfortunately, things didn’t go well for me when I left home. I couldn’t find a job. I could barely afford food. I struggled to pay my bills. I was in constant communication with my dad so I told him how badly I was struggling. He told me, “Then come back home. Why should you be out there starving when there is food in abundance in your father’s house? Come home, I will speak to my contacts and get you a job.”

I weighed my current situation against what awaited me in my parents’ house. I told myself, “My mother would insult me but I won’t starve over there. I will go back.” So, like the proverbial prodigal son, I packed my bags and returned to my father’s house.

My dad couldn’t get me a job as promised. I sent in many applications till I even ran out of money. Nothing happened. I was completely broke. Occasionally my mother would let me eat at home but mostly she would insult me and tell me not to touch any food in the house. I was in my parents’ house and still starving. There were months I couldn’t even afford sanitary pads. I don’t want to go into details about how I managed my periods during those times. Things were really bad. That was when I met Chuck.

Chuck was kind to me. He proposed to me and I said yes. He took very good care of me. I had nothing to give so I had to return the favor in kind. I thought I was being careful. I was doing everything to prevent pregnancy but pregnancy found its way with me. My dad got angry; “I brought you back to find a job and not to get pregnant. I’m so disappointed in you. Pack your bags and get out, you can’t live under my roof with your bastard.”

So, I moved in with Chuck and stayed with him until I had the baby. Unfortunately, the baby didn’t survive. The baby died a few days after birth. My relationship with Chuck couldn’t stand the trials that came our way. It was hard but I moved on with my life.

Two years later, I met Kuuku, my childhood friend. Over time the little spark between us blossomed into a wildfire. He said, “Maria, I have known you since we were kids and these past few months of reconnecting with you have been wonderful. Without a shred of doubt, I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you be my girlfriend?” I was beside myself with joy. I said “yes” repeatedly and we both laughed.

My parents loved him but his mother hated me. We did everything to try and get her to like me but she just couldn’t be bothered. In the end, Kuuku said, “My mother wants a grandchild. She has been hounding me to give her one for a while now. Maybe if we give her a grandchild she will come to like you, and then we can get married.” I agreed.

We tried and I got pregnant. Kuuku’s mother’s attitude towards me didn’t change. We convinced ourselves that she would change when the baby arrives. I had the baby but the baby died after ten weeks. It was a big loss for us. My boyfriend took it very hard. He later left the country. That was the end of us.

Not long after losing a second baby and the love of my life, I lost my mother too. Her death hit me pretty hard. She hated me but she was my mom. I didn’t want her to die young. After her death, I tried to get close to my siblings but they all kept me at arm’s length. I was hungry but it wasn’t for food. I was hungry for affection, for a place to call home, and someone to call my own. I thought I would find it in my family but I was wrong.

One day I met Godwin. He said he liked me right from the moment he met me. I didn’t feel I was ready for a relationship. He wouldn’t take a no for an answer so he pushed and persuaded me until I said yes on one condition. That no sex before marriage. He accepted.

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We were alone together one day when he started making advances on me. I asked him to stop but he wouldn’t. I got up to leave but he held me back against my will and forced himself on me. Of all the tragedies I’ve endured in my life, that was the one I cried over the most. To make matters worse I got pregnant and he denied responsibility. I kept the pregnancy and I delivered a beautiful baby boy. Godwin never came to see us but God wins and he was on our side. My dad was also very supportive of us. I avoided men like they were a taboo. I worked and took care of my child with the help of my dad.

Seven years after my encounter with Godwin, I met Kofi.

He was a single father of two children. He told me the mother of his children abandoned them. I said, “Which lady in her right senses would leave such a nice guy? He expressed interest in me. I liked him too but I didn’t like the way he looked. He mostly appeared dirty and unkempt. I tried to work on him. If you love them, you work on them until they become the kind you love. I bought him clothes and other fashion accessories. I worked on him while we were dating. Six months later when he proposed marriage, he looked like a guy I could proudly show him off. Nice clothes, sparkling teeth, and beautiful smell.

I said yes to his marriage proposal. We were married in four months.

My son lived with my dad while I lived with my husband and his kids. I took those children as my own and cared for them like any mother would. The children on the other hand didn’t like me. Everything I did to win them over only pushed them further away from me. My husband made issues worse when he forbade me from correcting them when they go wrong. He tells me, “They are my children, not yours. Don’t concern yourself with what they do with their lives.” He shouts at me and insults me in front of them and takes their sides in everything.

This is making it hard for me to bond with the children. He also refuses to let my son and my dad visit us. I don’t know how I ever thought he was a nice guy. There was a time I had to move out and go to my dad. He was constantly shouting at me and insulting me in the presence of the kids. I was still living with my dad when I found out that I was pregnant.

The pregnancy took a toll on me physically. I was on bed rest so I couldn’t go to work. That was the only time since we met that he had to take care of me. He got angry when I went back to him. He complains about everything he does for me. Even when he buys me airtime he decides who I should call with it. I thought marriage would be my happy ending but I was wrong. This man torments my peace of mind and I am tired of it. As I’m writing this he has gone to rent an apartment elsewhere and moved in there. My plan is to end the marriage after delivery. I cannot continue to endure this emotional and verbal abuse. I am done.

—Maria

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