Before Marriage, He Asked If Size Mattered To Me. I Didn’t Know What Was Coming

When my last relationship ended and was brooding over love lost, my friend Sabina decided to play a prank on me. She gave my number to her brother’s friend to call and console me. The guy was not living in the same town with us. He was in Accra and I was In Cape Coast doing my national service.

One evening, just when I’d finished crying my evening tears, I had a call on my phone. When I picked up the call, this deep baritone voice greeted me from the other side; “Hello Suzzy, I hope you’re no longer crying. Your friend Sabina asked me to call you.”

I asked him, “She asked you to call me because you’re who? Do you mend broken hearts?”

I sounded irritated but he was calm. He giggled loudly. I repeated my question, “Who are you and why did she ask you to call me?” He answered, “Kindly take it easy with me. I mean no harm. I’m good friends with her and she probably gave me your number thinking you’d want to talk to someone.”

I cut the call and called Sabina. “Who did you give my number to?” She burst out laughing. She said his name was Aaron and she gave my number to him just to tease me. I was like, “Girl, be serious. If you were here, I would have slapped you by now. I’m burning and all you could do is play pranks on me?”

But as the days went by, Sabina’s action started yielding some positive fruits that were better than the prank she intended. Aaron kept calling until I calmed down and asked what he wanted from me. He was straightforward, “I want us to be friends. I’m not saying I will bring healing to your heart. I’m saying if we are friends, I will call you every day and maybe those calls will help.”

It was 2007. It wasn’t easy to see the face on the other side of the phone. You could fall in love with a voice first before you would see a face. And then you’ll match the face to the voice and decide if you could fall in love with both. I loved his voice. He sounded manly. He sounded like he could scream my troubles away. He would shout and my troubles would shiver and flee.

We talked every night and morning. He asked me to describe myself and I did. I asked him to do the same and he did. When we moved away from the introductory stage, we talked about just anything. I got to know his job and got to know about his tribe and the kind of family he grew up with. One day, I think a couple of days before he proposed to me, he asked me, “Does size matter to you?”

My answer was, “No it doesn’t matter to me at all. Whether big or small, it’s the heart that matters.”

He laughed at something. He might have laughed at the innocence in my answer. He proposed later and I said no. “I want to see you physically before I can make a decision.” He told me I should give him some level of assurance before he would travel to come and see me. I said, “I don’t know you that much but if you give me some time, I swear I will say yes.”

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He took it as a yes and later travelled from Accra to see me in Cape Coast. When I set my eyes on him, I asked, “So where’s the size you were talking about? I pictured you as some huge guy but you’re not.” Again, he laughed and said something like, “You didn’t fall short of my expectation of you. You’re beautiful and I’m glad Sabina did what she did.”

I said yes on one condition. That we won’t think about sex until I feel safer in his presence and in the relationship. He didn’t ask any further questions. All he said was, “Ok, I’m all for it.”

I told Sabina what was going on and she screamed, “I only said you should talk to him. Who asked you to fall in love with him? Who gave you that permission?” She was so dramatic if I didn’t know her better, I would have thought differently. Actually, she was happy for us but she sounded a word of caution, “Take your time. Don’t give him everything until you’re sure. Boys are boys no matter who introduced them to you.”

The distance also helped. We didn’t see each other often to think about sex. A year later, I was done with national service and was looking for a job. My first interview was in Accra. He offered his place for me to spend the night but because I didn’t want temptations, I declined. I attended three different interviews in Accra. Each time I went, he offered his place but I said no. But the day I got the job and moved to Accra, I spent three days with him. I was comfortable. I felt safer. If he asked me to have shuperu with him, I would have said yes but he didn’t.

Two years later, we started talking about marriage. He was in a hurry. I was ready. I remember a few weeks before our wedding, I tempted him. I drew him in like a temptress with her prey but he didn’t fall for it. He said, “We have a few days more to go. We won’t sleep afterwards. Remember that.”

On our honeymoon, I pounced on him. He was ready for me because no excuse would do. Immediately I held it in my hand I said, “Wow.” He asked me, “Is there a problem?” I answered, “I hope it works.”

That was the day I remembered our conversation about sizes. “Does size matter to you?” He asked that question but why didn’t he explain?

While he was busy digging away, I was there thinking about the wrong answer I gave that day. I was distracted and distraught. He was enjoying himself but I wasn’t feeling it because my mind was far away. When he was done, he asked me, “I hope you enjoyed it.” I nodded, turned to face the wall and breathed heavily on its surface.

When we talked about it the next day, I asked, “So that day when you asked about size, was that what you were talking about?” He looked away before saying, “Is it too small?” I answered, “I don’t know but I expected more than this.” “But you said size doesn’t matter to you?” He asked. I answered, “Obviously, we were both talking about different things. I didn’t mean this size but it’s ok.”

There was nothing I could do about it so I had to learn how to enjoy it. After all, I was the one who had a problem with it and not him. I wasn’t innocent. I knew two or three things that could take me there.  The good thing was, he was always willing to learn.

Marry a partner who is ready to learn and willing to unlearn. That’s the meaning of God-fearing. If you fear God, you’ll learn his way so you can discover your own path. Of course, sex is not the only thing that makes a marriage. There are other things but as humans as we are, we always want more. We want all the bits and pieces to function well and that’s exactly what I wanted.

We’ve fought about so many things but sex isn’t one. He listens to me and puts me first during the action. He made me change my mind about sizes. Truly, it doesn’t matter just as I said. So today, when I read about people arguing about sizes and how the big one is better and how the smaller ones are useless, I say in my mind, “When you meet a God-fearing man, size won’t matter to you.”

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We have three kids now. Small nyash dey shake so small joysticks can also make babies. If you’re that kind of man, don’t wobble because of the word on the street. Don’t lie about it but tell your women, “It’s small but it works. I know how to make it work.” After that, ask your wife what has to be done and she will show you the way.

—Suzzy

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