When we got married, my mother-in-law wanted her friend’s daughter to come and live with us. The lady was twenty-one years old. My husband wanted her to come, but I said no. I didn’t know what she was coming to do. We were only two people beginning a life together. There was nothing we couldn’t do that required us to get someone to help us.

My husband insisted. I respectfully declined the offer. His mom wasn’t happy, but I knew with time she would understand. A year after being together, my husband brought this girl home. She said she was coming for a holiday. I would wake up, and this lady had finished sweeping and cleaning the house.

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She would cook the meals and serve us. She would want to lie on the floor for us to walk on her. I saw the trick. It was an audition for me to see what she could do so I would accept her staying permanently. I didn’t budge. I didn’t hate her, but I made it clear she couldn’t live with us. She stayed for close to a month and later left.

She was the daughter of my mother-in-law’s friend. Look at how long the relationship is. And this wasn’t just a girl. She was young and had everything to court a man’s attention. Call me insecure, I don’t mind. I didn’t want to bring issues into my young marriage, so she left.

When I got pregnant, my husband wanted to bring her. I said no. When I gave birth, my mother came to stay with us to help with the baby. She stayed for six months before finally leaving us. I knew I needed help, someone to take care of the home and also help with the baby. But if I mentioned it to my husband, he would ask that girl to come.

So I spoke to my mom, and she asked her friend to come and help me. The only issue was that we were supposed to pay her monthly. I decided to bring her in and also take care of her salary. When she arrived and my husband asked who she was, I told him she was someone my mom sent to come and help.

“And you didn’t tell me about it? How can you take such a decision without telling me?”

I knew he was right, so I started apologising and even told him my mom didn’t give me enough details until she arrived. He said, “If you needed someone to help, I have to provide and not your mom. Let her go. Asantewaa will come.”

Asantewaa is the same girl I’ve been trying to avoid. My mom’s friend is mature. She’s in her late forties and has had a child before, so she has the experience. I told my husband that this one had the experience, so I would like to keep her. He said no. It’s either she leaves for Asantewaa to come, or there should be no other person.

The good thing was that this discussion had gone on behind the scenes, so this woman wasn’t aware of the issues. She’s jovial. She goes about her business with respect and boundaries. She doesn’t cook until I’ve asked her to. One evening, my husband called me a liar.

“You’re paying her to work here, and you told me she was someone your mom sent to help? What has come over you?”

According to the woman, my husband called her aside and told her we couldn’t afford to live with her, so she should prepare and leave. She thought my husband was saying that because of her payment, so she asked my husband if it was because of her payment. My husband asked how much I was paying her, and she told him. She had unknowingly given my husband a weapon to fight her existence in the house.

“Who’s paying that money? I know you’ll find ways and means to make me pay without knowing. She’ll go. Asantewaa will come.”

I retorted, “No, she doesn’t have to. She’s mature, and that’s who I need around my baby.”

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The woman is worried. She wants to leave before she becomes the reason we fight. I’ve told her to relax as we resolve the issues. My husband has started taking his anger out on her. He gets angry about little things, and talking down to her when something doesn’t go according to plan makes me wonder why my husband would do everything to push Asantewaa down my throat.

Am I wrong for trying to avert problems before they arise? I’ll take every apology from my husband, but not an apology coming as a result of infidelity. I won’t plant an evil tree in a garden my husband lives in, no. So this is where we are. He calls me disrespectful, and just yesterday, he gave me a week to send the woman away, or else he’ll be the one to throw her things out.

Am I wrong for keeping her here? Are my fears about Asantewaa valid?

—Berta

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