He was broke and unemployed after university. I got a job almost immediately, while he was still struggling to even get an interview at a company. But we loved each other, and at that time, that was the most important thing to us. I carried most of the financial responsibility in our relationship. I gave him part of my salary, paid for his transportation whenever he had an interview to attend, and stuck with him through it all. Whenever I had the means to help him, I did.

He would say, “I want to give up. Things are too hard.” And I would tell him, “The darkest part of the night comes before dawn. Things are hard now, but something good is coming. Hold on for me.” I was determined to see him become the man he was meant to be.

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I found out I was pregnant, but we decided to terminate the pregnancy because he wasn’t working and was living with his parents. I was earning GH₵800 at the time, and I was also the breadwinner of my family, so I agreed. We terminated the pregnancy, but it shattered me so much that I couldn’t even concentrate at work.

A few months later, I got pregnant again. This time, I didn’t want to terminate it, but this guy said he was not working and couldn’t take care of a child. So, we terminated the pregnancy again. The day we did it, I was in so much pain. I bled for days. One morning, I couldn’t contain the pain anymore, so I called my ex and asked him to come and take me to the hospital.

He didn’t pick up. Something told me to log in to Twitter. The first thing I saw was him busily flirting with his ex. He had ignored my calls because of that. When he finally called back, I was so angry. I was trying to let him know that what he had done was wrong, but that was how this guy ghosted me for days. By the time he called me again, I had already broken up with him in my head.  He came to my house crying and doing everything he could to change my mind, but I was done.

Two years later, I found someone else and got married.

My ex also found a good job with one of the top banks and started earning good money. He got a car and bought a house. He was also supposed to get married, but sadly, the lady died. I was there for him during that period, trying to encourage him to get counselling and deal with everything he was going through.

I gave birth to my first child, and later, my child was diagnosed with a health condition that required surgery. My heart was in the pit of my stomach throughout that period. I was afraid that maybe God had also decided to punish me for terminating the two babies He had given me.

My husband and I also went through a lot during this period. As much as we tried, we couldn’t make the marriage work, so we eventually agreed to a divorce.

Then my ex, the same man who had made me terminate two pregnancies, tried to come back into my life. This time, he was all talk and action. He said he wanted to marry me. He wanted to come and see my parents and do everything properly. One day, we were having a conversation, and I asked him whether he regretted the abortions we had gone through. This guy told me, “No. I don’t regret it because if we had given birth to them, I wouldn’t have been able to take care of them.”

I got so angry. I still can’t stop thinking about those pregnancies. We are both doing so well now, and if we had given birth to those children, they would be about nine years old by now.

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I am doing my PhD now, and he is also doing very well for himself. Sometimes I think we would have survived if we had kept the children. I feel so bad, and sometimes I cry when I think about them. But here is the thing. He doesn’t even regret it. He doesn’t even seem to remember them. Because of this, I broke things off with him.

Now that you are ready, you want to marry me and have children with me. But what about the other ones we terminated? I really don’t know if my feelings are valid or if I am overreacting.

—Rita

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