He performed our traditional marriage rites ten years ago. Back then he wasn’t doing so well for himself financially. This, however, didn’t stop him from offering to support me when I decided to go back to school. I didn’t want to decline his offer and make him feel bad so I let him be my man.

He did the best he could and my dad stepped in to do the rest. By the time I was completing school, my husband had paid ten percent of my school fees. My father paid the remaining ninety percent.

After I graduated, he started talking about building us a home. “A family that owns a house is grounded,” I told him as I encouraged him to go for it. So he started saving toward the project. When I finished my national service and got a job, we agreed that I would support in taking care of the home.

While I was bringing my money home, he took a loan and added it to his savings to build the house for us.

He is still paying off those loans to date. Because of this, he only pays school fees for our two kids. Every other thing that needs to be provided for he tells me, “You know I am still repaying the loans I took to build the house. Where am I supposed to get the extra money from?” After saying this, he would stand aside and have me cough up the money.

If I decide not to do it, who will? We live in different places because of work. Needless to say I am the one who lives with the kids. Which means I have to bear the brunt of their disappointment if things don’t go their way. The minor ones, I manage to talk my way out of it. However, their major needs that involve money, I pay for them.

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It is me who pays for rent, feeding for the kids, clothes, salaries for house help, and all the bills that come with raising the kids. It’s a lot of money. This is why I feel he should provide more than school fees. He should step up and help me take care of some of the bills.

I know how much he earns at the end of the month. I know how much is left when the bank takes their loan. It’s not a lot of money. I understand this but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel overwhelmed. This is why I want him to do more so we can share the burden fairly.

I Called Her Affair Partner And He Said Something I Will Never Forget

After all the responsibilities I have been shouldering by myself, this man is asking for another child. I don’t blame him though. If he was living with the kids and sharing in the physical work of raising them, maybe he would sing a different tune.

I also believe if he understood the full scope of our financial situation, he wouldn’t be asking for another child. I know that all the bills involved with taking care of the new child will come to me. So I refused to have another baby. He doesn’t understand me. Rather, he is making me feel bad about not wanting to get pregnant. Is he right? Am I being selfish?

— Dorcas

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