After we completed high school, my girlfriend could not continue to university. But that did not deter our love for each other. Rather, we found strength in it and assumed it was just a test of the love we shared.

She got into business. She put her A game in and started her search for a job. I cheered her on from school. Sometimes it put a strain on our relationship. Sometimes she was too busy with work. Sometimes she was tired and not ready to contain my excesses. But we were sailing through.

She earned as little as 1700 Ghana cedis and still she sent me money occasionally to support me. I am super grateful to her. She held me down in seasons when I had nothing. When my pocket was empty and my confidence was low, she stood by me. She did not complain. She did not withdraw her love. She supported me with what little she had, and she made me feel like I was not alone. Sometimes I wonder if I would have survived those years in school without her quiet sacrifices. And that is what makes this whole situation even more painful for me. Because gratitude and fear are now fighting inside my heart.

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I cannot deny what she has done for me. I just do not know if love and gratitude are enough to build the kind of future I am dreaming of.

After four whole years in the university, I told her to put a pause on it. I told her that I needed her to start saving and enter the business she had always wanted to do. I knew that for all that time, she was not doing any savings. So now that I was done, she could start.

But now, more than two years later, she has nothing substantial in her account. Nothing that shows progress toward the business she once dreamed about. In fact, she even borrowed money from my National Service allowance. That was the same allowance I had carefully saved so I could start a small business after service while job hunting.

That shook me.

I am a very ambitious person. I come from a poor family, and I am determined to change that story. I do not want poverty to be my inheritance or my children’s inheritance. I want more. I want stability. I want growth. I want to break the cycle completely.

That is why I am troubled.

A woman who cannot save from her earnings, and who no longer seems passionate about the business she once talked about, feels like a red flag to me. In this era, if you do not further your education, then business or skill development should be your next strong option. But if you cannot save, how will you start?

Now I feel stuck between two painful options.

Do I marry her because of our history and love? Or do I pay her back all the money she spent on me while I was in school and let her move on with her life?

I do not want to start my life with someone who is not bringing anything to the table except beauty and spending habits. That sounds harsh, but it is the fear in my heart. The painful part is that she is also from a poor home, just like me. I cannot imagine becoming the only successful person carrying the financial expectations of two struggling families. That pressure alone scares me. That thought alone scares me.

Yet, I love her. Letting her go would break my heart.

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This situation is affecting me deeply. I feel depressed and confused.

What do I do? I completed my National Service last year and I am currently job hunting. I believe that if God shows up for me this year and I get a good appointment, I would like to marry in the next two or three years. But right now, she does not seem like someone who fits the description. She does not seem like someone who can go on this journey with me.

And it is scary. Because I want it to be her so bad.

—Skinpe

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