I got married in 2022 without knowing my husband well enough. In my defence, I thought I knew him. During our first few months together, he started asking why I wasn’t getting pregnant. I went to see a gynaecologist twice, and after some checks, she said she didn’t see any problem with me.

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“Why don’t you come with your husband? We will run some tests on him too.”

When I told him this, he got very angry. “There is nothing wrong with me that I should get tested.”

“How would you know?”

“I already have a child,” he retorted.

That was the day I got to know that he had a child. What else didn’t I know about him? He had been married and gotten divorced before he met me. When I asked about the mother of his child, his family said they had separated long ago.

He also confessed that his parents were still alive, even though he had told me they were dead. What hurt more was that all his relatives, whom I had met, never mentioned his parents, meaning they all knew about his lies and chose to play along.

I was disappointed, but because he treated me well, I decided to stay. He was a good man in many ways. He took care of me, worked hard, and was always by my side. We prayed, travelled, and did everything together like the best friends we were. This is why I chose to forgive his lies.

About a year later, I discovered that he had another child with the same woman he claimed to be divorced from. I was heartbroken. When I confronted him, he didn’t have anything logical to say in his defence, except that it was a mistake.

Despite his lies, he treated me well. He even tried to help me deal with his betrayal but how can I find healing in the hands that broke me?

It didn’t help our situation when his relatives started showing open support for his ex-wife. It made me feel like I was the one destroying a marriage that still existed. I began to think maybe they had unresolved issues and he left her without a proper divorce, and I came into the picture unknowingly.

It’s been a year since I left him. He still reaches out, asking me to come back. He says he will apologise to my family and make things right. But I don’t know what to do.

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Although I’ve been okay on my own, I miss him sometimes. Whenever I think about going back, I also remember why I left. I couldn’t stay because I felt guilty knowing there was another woman and two children struggling while I was living comfortably with the man responsible for them.

Also, all that drama killed my feelings for him. No matter how hard he tried to fix things, I was no longer into him.

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Most importantly, my spiritual life was dying. I couldn’t pray in that house or pray for him as my husband, knowing another woman was out there hurting.

I needed peace, and leaving gave me that. But now, I wonder if I made the right choice. I keep thinking, maybe if I was a little patient, we could have worked things out and saved our marriage. I honestly don’t know if this means I should give him another chance.

—Ellies

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