After twelve years together, he is telling me I am his bad luck. Meanwhile, I have done more for this guy in our relationship than he has ever done for me. This was someone who was unemployed when I met him. I didn’t mind. I saw his potential and decided I would support him until he got back on his feet. 

As the years went by, he still didn’t land himself any opportunities to bring him money. I had a job so I didn’t complain. Then I got pregnant. This meant more responsibilities. I needed him to bear some of the costs of childcare so I became more relentless in my quest to get him a job. 

When all avenues failed me, I turned to my brothers and put some pressure on them. “Go to your workplace and tell your boss he is one of your brothers. Let them find him something to do. At this point we will take anything that will earn him some income,” I said to them. They did what I asked and it worked. 

After he got the job he started entertaining other women. I couldn’t believe all those years, he was faithful to me because he was broke. This guy pretended he was single whenever he was out there flirting with girls. He didn’t care that my brothers were at his workplace. He did it there too. People saw him and complained about him. “Your brother is always taking different women to lunch. Does he have a thing against sticking to one woman?” their colleagues would ask my brothers. 

While he was spending his money on other women, he never had anything to contribute toward our home and the upkeep of our child. Whenever I asked him for money his anthem was, “The job hasn’t started paying me yet. If they do, I will bring money home.” I didn’t know what he was up to so I easily believed him. 

Back then, I had to quit my job because of pregnancy-related issues. Therefore he needed to contribute financially to the home. This is why I was so upset when I discovered he had been lying to me all along. I confronted him and it turned into a fight. In the heat of anger he said, “I won’t even do the job again. I have decided to quit.” I didn’t take him seriously. After all, these were things he said in anger. What kind of man would give up his livelihood because he doesn’t want to provide for his family? 

Unfortunately, I found out the hard way that Eric was that kind of man. Truly he refused to go to work. When things became too difficult for me, I left our nine-month-old baby who was still breastfeeding, with my mother and went out there to hustle. 

I took some loans and started selling secondhand clothes. When I started getting money again, he changed. He became softer toward me. He spoke to me with warmth in his voice instead of the cold and dismissive tone I had grown accustomed to. His touch became gentler. He also smiled more and his laughter became louder. He started telling me, “I love you,” at the least chance he got.

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By and by, I saved some money from my second-hand clothing business and started a pub. After all his lovey-dovey acts at home, he would bring other girls to my pub. In the presence of these girls or my attractive female customers, he always created opportunities to insult me. One time he told me, “You are a very useless woman. If I had money I wouldn’t have chosen you as my girlfriend.” It was my own shop he was insulting me in, but I didn’t say a word to him back. 

He continued this behaviour over and over again until his family sponsored him to travel abroad for work. 

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Now that he is away, he tells me he wants to marry me so I join him. I agreed to his plan when he first proposed it. However, I have been having second thoughts since last week when he called me his bad luck. He said, “The only thing you’ve ever given me is trouble.” He has no memories of any good I have done for him. 

That statement he made is all the proof I need to know that I am wasting my time with this guy. He has only been lying to me and stringing me along all these years. He doesn’t tell me the truth. Presently, I know he is seeing another woman but I don’t want to think about it and hurt my heart.

What I don’t understand now is, after calling me his bad luck he is still talking about marriage. He has asked me to go to my family and collect the marriage list so we can start preparing for our wedding. I am at a crossroads. I don’t know if I should just end things with him and let him go marry his good luck charm, or if I should go ahead with the marriage plans as he is proposing for the sake of our family. Our daughter is seven years old.

— M

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