I was twenty-three when we started dating five years ago. I didn’t know much about love and its intricacies, but I was ready to learn. He isn’t my first boyfriend, but my first boyfriend didn’t demand as much from me as he does. He said he was molding me into the kind of woman that pleased him. I was ready to learn to please him.
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I was then living with my parents, but I sneaked out to see him. I made up excuses so I could spend a weekend with him. He’s a good cook, so he taught me how he liked his food and the many favorites he had. I learned. I listened. I obeyed. I gave myself permission to grow in the relationship because I really loved him and the kind of person he was.
I’m currently twenty-eight and decided to have heart-to-heart conversations with him where I demanded honest answers. He’s thirty-five and has everything going for him. He has a good job, lives in a nice apartment, owns his own car, and recently completed his master’s. I asked him, “When are we going to get married?”
He laughed out loud and asked when I started thinking about marriage. He said, “Aren’t you too young to talk about marriage?” I protested. I said I wanted to know what his plans were concerning that so I could put it into my future plans. And then he said, “You’re a good girlfriend, but you’re not the best yet. As for the ring, you have to earn it.”
I asked what I wasn’t doing and what I could improve to earn it. He couldn’t mention anything in particular to suggest I was doing badly. He asked for days to think about it and later said, “Yes, you have to improve your bedroom game. I don’t want to cheat on my wife, so she has to be everything in the bedroom.”
For five years, I’ve allowed myself to be molded in every direction when it comes to intimacy. Everything I know, I learned from his experience. I can turn west and hang in the south all because of him. But there’s one thing I’ve never done for him, no matter how much he tried to convince me: to let him go through the back door. I figured it was what he was talking about, so I asked about it, and he said, “Yes, and many other things.”
I told him point blank that that would not happen, and it’s one of the few things I would never allow myself to do, no matter what. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “So be it.”
The relationship has to come to an end at this point, right?
Marriage Through the Eyes of Millennials and Gen-Z
He says he’s not asking us to end things, but I’m also not going to do what he requires of me, so naturally, it should end, right? I know the truth, but it means I’m throwing five years of my life away. This hurts like hell, starting all over again, so I’m left stranded in a relationship I know I should walk out from but am unable to do so. How do I make things easier?
—Mavis
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Walk away my dear. I know it won’t be easy but u can do it if u put ur mind to it. All the best 👍.
Just walk away because he is a complete waste of time.
You said it in your narrative that he mould you to please himself, you can’t continue to run your life pleasing him because of marriage.
However, forgive yourself 1st then let go of anything entanglement btw you and him, trust the healing process and you will bounce back radiating.
Please in your next relationship open your brain, avoid 100% pleasing men.
Marriage is a Godly institution to fulfill purpose. When you lose sight of that, just anybody can take advantage of that and you can do anything and everything and you would still not be enough. Human desires and wants are insatiable. Don’t lose yourself, first your identity in God.
Finally, when we keep losing sight of the principles of God the creator concerning anything at all, be it relationship or life, we will face the consequences alone. Others can only sympathize with you and you become the new example. We have just one life to live, let’s make better and well informed choices. These patterns just keep repeating itself and it’s just heart breaking.
Best of Luck. Stay blessed. Wishing you the very best
Seriously as a man,I become so so hurt anytime I come to this platform to hear ladies offering themselves to have sexual act with so called boyfriend all simply because of love when this thing is a sin to do and expect heaven on earth kind of successful relationship that ends in marriage.Is sex really the answer for a guy to marry you or love you or an open gate to secure a marriage.Why are ladies of today offering their precious bodies to sex simply she’s in love, like how and why.look at how you’ve wasted your pride as a woman to a man He has not paid a dime to your parents as bride price using to satisfy his lust a whooping 5yrs and now you expect a good results,wow.Since you guys are not keeping your bodies pure and holy for the purpose of as God planned for all humanity, Satan will deceive you and waste your life.it serves you right, you’re getting a result for what you planted outside God’s jurisdiction.
Mavis, you don’t have to lose you to be someone’s best. At 28, no serious man should be asking if you are ready for marriage. Close that door and throw away the keys never to look back. After 5 years you honestly deserve some honour.
It’s good to hurt, but don’t spend one more day in the relationship. You’ve been had. Learn from it.
He is manipulative and disrespectful. Why force you to succumb to anal sex when you have made it clear it’s a line you won’t cross? He doesn’t deserve you. It’s dangerous to continue such toxicity. Thank God you have come to the crossroads now and not after marriage
A guy who marries a woman knows the first day he sees her whether she is the one or not. So that one is just a user. Sadly he has embellished himself in your whole system in a very deep and almost permanent way. Only God knows how you will live afterwards.
But even with that, leave and try to be strong
I don’t judge or condemn you. You only acted out of love, giving yourself to him. It’s unfortunate that he doesn’t appreciate it or love you as much. But for a guy who seeks to mold you into something, I doubt he truly loves you. He is simply manipulative, and he will turn you into a slave if you marry him. You will lose your identity and live your entire life just trying to please him. Heartbreak is difficult, but in this instance try and take it. It’s better when you leave on your own than when he pushes you out. Five years is a lot but not too late to save yourself from a pending destruction. At 28, you are prime for marriage and you will find a dozen of men who will genuinely love you and be interested to marry you. Someone out there loves you dear, and is dying to have you. Don’t be where you are not wanted and get harmed. You are too precious for that. You are loved
And guess what? Even if you succumb to the anal sex and every of his sexual fantasies, he still WON’T MARRY YOU. That guy is never ready for marriage even at his age. So my dear, RUN!!!