If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.
My story was posted later than I expected but it didn’t change a thing. It came out two months later but I was still plagued with the same issue and was looking for answers. One thing I realized when I read through the comment was that most people misunderstood me. Maybe I couldn’t communicate my feelings the way I ought to. Forgive me, I’m not good with written words. Again, most of the readers bashed me very well because of one phrase in the story; “online-in-laws”
That phrase wasn’t mine. It was my first time hearing it. Maybe it was the editor’s way of making light of the situation but people hung on it and bashed me very well. That’s ok. I asked for advice and everyone gave me one. I anticipated a situation of that sort and was ready for it. It was not all gloomy. Those who understood me said something that I found very applicable so I used it.
On my birthday, I woke up in a high spirit looking forward to a beautiful day. He was still in bed when I got up and started getting ready for work. I was looking forward to hearing something sweet from him. He did it the year before so I anticipated the same thing. I dressed up, picked up my bag and said goodbye to him but he didn’t say anything. “Maybe, he has forgotten or it’s too early to be thinking about birthdays. Let me wait a while and see how it goes.”
Around midday I sent him a message; “It’s my birthday, in case you’ve forgotten.” He sent smiling emojis. I was waiting for the message but it didn’t come. I called him on phone. “Are you busy?” He answered, “Yeah, a little bit.” I said., “Then call me when you’re less busy.” A few hours later, I went on Whatsapp and started scrolling through status. I saw a photo that looked like mine on his status so I tapped on it. There was no picture. It looked like he posted it and deleted it as soon as he could.
I was waiting for his call and at the same time thinking he might have posted something about me. I kept checking on his status. There was nothing there for me and his call also never came. When we met in the house I said, “You’ve been busy all day? So busy you couldn’t say a word to me?” He answered, “I’m sorry. It’s still your birthday so happy birthday.” I said, “Thank you” and went to the kitchen to make our dinner. We ate like a normal couple. We talked and laughed like we used to. Everything was fine between us so I wanted to use the opportunity to draw his attention to what I didn’t like during the day.
My mom told me, “Don’t address issues with your husband when he’s in a bad mood. If there’s something important you want to talk about, don’t talk about it when the two of you are angry or fighting. Discuss it at happy hours and you’ll often get good results.” I’ve always used that tactic to my advantage. When we went to bed, I got closer to him and said, “I’m a woman. Little things mean a lot to me. I have no doubt about your love for me but make it obvious sometimes. Don’t make me demand it before you do it. I’ve seen you wishing people a happy birthday on your status and on your Facebook timeline. I don’t think those people asked you before you did it. You did it because you wanted to. Why is my own different?”
He was quiet. He turned his face against the wall trying to disengage. I said, “You don’t think what I’m saying is important?” He answered, “I’m tired. It’s just a birthday. It comes every year. If I didn’t do it well this year, next year would come and I’ll do it better. You don’t have to sound like I committed a crime. It’s just a birthday!” I wasn’t shouting when I spoke to him. I didn’t even accuse him. It was just a conversation but he sounded pissed. I didn’t push it. I also slept.
A few days later, it occurred to me that I hadn’t seen his post on my timeline for a long while. I typed his name. I didn’t see him. I used a friend’s phone to type his name and he was there. “Wow, he blocked me? But what did I say wrong?”
It’s his timeline and he can decide who he allows there so I didn’t complain. A few days later, his sister texted me and asked, “Have you watched your husband’s status? Watch it and come and answer to me.” She ended it with laughing emojis. I rushed through my status list and couldn’t find his. “Wow, I chopped block here too.” His sister called to ask me if I had seen it. I said I didn’t have data. She said, “You’re pɛpɛɛ too much. How much is a mashup that you can’t afford?”
I never asked him any questions or acted hurt or suspicious. My role was to be a wife. I know what that entails so I continued playing my role the way it’s expected of me.
There’s a line I read somewhere. It says, “A woman will know if only she wants to know.” The question was, “Do I want to know?” Of course. I needed to know the reason. It may be petty for me to feel worried about little things like that but the Bible said in Songs of Solomon 2:15 that “Catch the foxes for us, The little foxes that spoil and ruin the vineyards [of love], While our vineyards are in blossom.” I needed to catch the little foxes before my vineyard goes into total ruin.
I came home one evening and requested his Laptop. “I have an Excel project to complete before tomorrow morning. Can I use your laptop?” He responded, “It’s in my bag, you can go for it.” I switched it on and there was a password on it. He walked to where I was seated and keyed in the password. I connected the laptop to my hotspot and went into his Facebook Messenger. His last message was to a lady named Barbara. His last message was, “You know I always dey for you.” I scrolled until I got to 2019. That’s not where the messages started but it was enough for me.
She broke up with my husband two clear years before he met me. How long they dated wasn’t stated in the messages. The girl broke up with him and a month later she traveled to the USA. Along the line, they connected on Facebook and the conversations began. If you read the messages carefully, the girl was giving my husband mixed signals. Today she’s in love with him. Tomorrow she’s not. My husband was hanging on to hope but along the line, the lady told him to move on because she was dating a white man. He didn’t. He kept hanging on until nothing was left for him.
Something happened in between that they didn’t chat about on Messenger but the lady started sending him money. My husband would suggest some business and the lady will send money. When he had nothing going on I think it was the lady who helped him with money. Anyway, there was nothing to fear until I got to the part where the lady was asking him if he got married and he declined. She said, “Aaron told me you were getting married. You mean he’s lying?” He responded, “Don’t mind that guy. You’ll be the first to know if I was getting married.”
The conversation about the marriage ended there. They still talk vibrantly each day and the lady continued sending him money. Maybe, the money he got from her was the reason he didn’t want to tell her about marriage and it was the reason why he was working so hard to keep what we have a secret.
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A lot of people argued my husband was right to keep things private. I’m not against that but there’s a difference between keeping something private and keeping something a secret. What my husband was doing wasn’t private. He was keeping things secret. I finished reading their messages around 11pm. I sent a message to the lady, “Sorry, I was finding it hard to tell you but I got married almost a year ago.” I was about to close the laptop when I thought, “What if she takes it as a joke?” I went through his folders and sent one of our wedding photos to the girl and closed the laptop. I sighed heavily and went to bed.
He was already up when I woke up the following morning. I was in a high spirit but he looked like he had lost something and was looking for it. He wouldn’t look at my face when talking to me. I was floating around with a song in my heart but he was feeling uneasy. He was first to wake up but I was first to leave the house. In the afternoon I sent him a message, “I hope you’re ok? I’m bringing pizza home this evening, will you eat?” He read the message and didn’t mind me so I called; “Did you see my message?” He said he was busy but I knew better. Something was eating him up. He came home and slept around 7pm. I went to wake him up; “Are you sick or something? You’re sleeping early today.” He turned on his side and continued sleeping.
For four days this man wasn’t feeling fine but wasn’t ready to talk about it. I figured he didn’t know where to start so I helped him out. I asked, “I hope she’s not angry? I did you a favor, you know. She would definitely know so why hide it from her. Do you need her money that much? We are doing fine, or? He said, “You don’t understand. Why didn’t you ask me before doing what you did?” I answered, “Did I destroy anything?” He shook his head. He was moody for days but it wasn’t unexpected. He felt guilty. You could see in his actions but he was playing tough. He was being a man as usual. That wasn’t the time to fight so I gave him space.
I’m expecting an apology which hadn’t come but I will wait. When things get back to normal, when we are back to laughing again, when he had forgotten how it feels to be caught redhanded, I’ll bring it back and ask him to apologize. I know him. He’ll laugh about it and still apologize.
I’m back to viewing his Whatsapp status again but we are no longer friends on Facebook. That’s ok. I already know what I want to know so I’m no longer bothered.
–Lady
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