I was still in high school when I met Nana. I had a boyfriend at the time. He also had a girlfriend, Nana I mean. We were just friends until he expressed interest in having a romantic relationship with me. He told me he was no longer in love with Akua. “I have seen that she is not the one for me. It’s you I want. Be my girlfriend,” he proposed. This guy convinced me to leave my boyfriend for him, and I did.

The beginning of the relationship was stressful considering that his mother doesn’t like me. She told us point blank that she preferred Akua to me. She was hostile toward me every time I visited him. She even swore we wouldn’t let our relationship go far. This even became a family issue.

Nana took my side and stood against his mother. He even stopped talking to her at some point. All of this happened in 2020. The fact that he was willing to fight his own mother for me made me feel he loved me. After all, he confessed that he didn’t truly love Akua. He said he was only using her to mend a broken heart. And when he was fully healed, he pleaded with her that they should break up and they did. That was when he came for me.

I hadn’t gone all the way with any man until I visited him one day and we did it. After we broke my virginity, I asked him; “Are you sure you’ve broken up with Akua? Now that I am fully committed to you, I don’t want to end up looking like a fool if this whole relationship doesn’t work out.” He assured me that I am the woman he wants to build his life with. Shortly after that, we both completed high school.

After school, I found out that he was still in touch with Akua. They weren’t just talking. They were sleeping together. There were times she even spent the night with him. I was shocked. Most importantly, I was heartbroken. When I confronted him, he admitted it. That’s one thing I like about him. When he is doing something wrong and you find out, he won’t lie. I know I should have left him but he was my first. And I was too blinded by love to let him go.

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As time went on, he gained admission to go to the UK for further studies and in search of greener pastures. We made promises to each other, that I would wait while he goes to build a better life for us. As fate would have it, I ended up in the same tertiary school with Akua. I have seen big men with expensive cars pick up and drop off Akua on campus several times. Whenever I am having a conversation with my man and I mention this, he would defend her with all his might. You would think she was the gospel and I was an atheist.

Judging from how strongly he defended her honour, I didn’t need a prophet to tell me that he still had feelings for her and was still talking to her. I was determined to save our relationship so I asked him to stop talking to her. This was the time he chose to tell me, “I have something to tell you. Please, don’t be angry.” I braced myself for whatever was coming next but nothing prepared me for the statement, “You are a good person. So it’s not you. It’s me.” What did that even mean? After a long silence, he told me, “The truth is, I don’t love you. I have tried to love you for the past four years but it’s not working.”

I couldn’t control my tears. I have been with this guy for four years. I have given him everything. Not once did I cheat on him. Even when he cheated with the same ex he claimed he didn’t love, I stayed. All of it wasn’t enough for him? What more did he need me to do to make him love me?

He says he is sorry. He is telling me that maybe it will work out between us so I shouldn’t leave him. He keeps repeating that I am a good person, and that he will never get another woman like me. Although I still love him, I am concerned that if I stay, he will wake up one day and tell me he doesn’t want me anymore. Another part of me feels  I have given him too much of my heart to simply walk away. So I should be patient for his love to grow. Is it possible for a man to love a woman after he has tried and not succeeded for four years? Will he ever come to love me? What do I do?

—Coco

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