During the peak of Covid, I found this guy. No, I didn’t find him. He found me. A few days before the lockdown, we took a taxi together from town. He sat next to me and started talking. He was very engaging so I responded to his questions. From our conversation, we realized we didn’t live far apart. Just when I was about to alight, he asked for my number and I gave it to him. A few days later, we went on a lockdown. One morning he said hi. He asked if I was OK. He asked if a family or friend had contracted the virus. He asked if I was happy. We ended up having a lengthy conversation which continued every day while we were on the lockdown.

One evening he told me he was taking a stroll to my end and I told him I would be happy to see him. He came around, we talked and planned on working out together. One dawn he knocked on my door. I was already dressed up so I went out to meet him. He held my hand and we jogged together. He was very touchy that day so I got the gist of what everything meant to him. Later that day he proposed and my answer was no. He was shocked I was saying no to him. He thought it was one of those moments where a lady plays hard to get before she finally says yes. I meant it when I said no. I loved his person but I didn’t see myself being in a romantic affair with him.

He kept coming around, knocking on my door at dawn and asking me to join him for jogging. The knocking became a metaphor. He had stopped knocking on doors at dawn and started knocking on the doors of my heart. I kept telling him no. He asked why and I told him I didn’t have a why. He promised he was going to be a good guy. He promised he would hold me tight and squeeze my worries out of me while he watches my troubles slip through his fingers. I was firm. “Ben, my troubles are not oranges that can be squeezed the way you describe them. But then, that’s not why I keep saying no to you. I have my reasons. They are personal. You are a good person and deserve the right kind of love from the right kind of woman. Move away from me and someone else will be ready to open her doors to you. I’m not ever going to say yes. We can be friends though.”

He never stopped knocking on my door and he never stopped asking me to be his girlfriend. It was 2020. In 2021, he pursued me. In 2022 he kept pursuing me. In March this year, I met a guy on Facebook. He ticked all the boxes so when he proposed to me I said yes. I said yes before I got to know he wasn’t even in Ghana. I was like, “No, that’s not how I perceived it when I said yes to you. You told me you were in Accra so how come you’re saying something different?” He answered, “I didn’t want you to say yes to me because I’m abroad. Some ladies are like that.” I told him, “In that case, I’ve withdrawn my acceptance because long distance relationship doesn’t work for me.”

In my mind, we were just friends. In his mind, we were in a relationship. In Ghana, I had Ben who won’t let my ears rest. I’d stopped going on jogging with him but he never stopped knocking on my door to ask for a relationship. For close to two years this guy kept pursuing me. The abroad guy also maintained that he was in a relationship with me. I liked him but I didn’t like the distance. I was looking for someone closer to build something lasting with. These two men were not the kind of men I needed but they kept hanging around without letting go. Somewhere in November this year, I went to visit Ben on my way from work. All week he had complained to me that he was sick. I got to his place and called that I was around. He asked me to come inside.

I’d known him for two years but I’d never entered his room knowing what I knew about him. But this time he was sick and couldn’t come out so I entered his room. I was surprised when I saw he wasn’t as sick as he painted it. I asked, “Where’s the sickness?” He laughed. He answered, “I’m sick but I’m not bedridden. A few minutes later this guy started getting touchy and started narrating the story of how he had wanted me for a very long time. I was pushing him away and spent most of the time swatting his hands off my skin. I needed to leave but his door was locked. He was fiercely begging me to allow him to have sex with me and I obliged. Maybe I wanted it too or it was the way he acted his desire out. It was quick, it didn’t even last for three minutes. He asked, “Is that a yes?” I answered, “It’s just sex and nothing else.”

It was just sex but I missed my period. I missed it for four days before I finally did the test. I was pregnant. “How? Just this once and  I’m pregnant? What the hell?” I felt let down. I’d spent over four years being single because I was looking for the right guy but look at me. If disappointment kills, I would have been dead that day. One day I wanted to keep it, the next day I wanted to get rid of it. I decided to tell Ben what has happened thinking the love he had for me will push him to be sympathetic. “Ben, I’m pregnant. It’s hard to believe but this is where I am now due to what you did to me that day.” He said, “Stop joking. How can you be pregnant?”

“How can I joke with something like this? I’m pregnant.”

“And who’s responsible, me? What kind of joke is that? I didn’t even cum that day so how can you get pregnant?”

“You’re joking, right?”

“Well, you started the joke. How can you be pregnant? If it’s true then someone got you pregnant and you’re bringing it to me because you think I love you. Never. I won’t be that fool.”

I was shocked by the way this guy treated me. It was as if he wasn’t the guy who had been pursuing me for close to two years. I told him, “I’ll give birth and do a DNA to prove to you that you did. Wait and see. You think you can take me for a fool?”

I went home. I cried again and again until the tears stopped coming.

I was there contemplating whether to keep it or let it go when I had a call from my guy from abroad. He was laughing unnecessarily. I didn’t know what was making him that happy. He said, “I just wanted to surprise you.” I asked, “What surprise are you talking about?” He answered, “I’m in Ghana. I’m celebrating Xmas with you.”

The next day we met. He was still that guy. I still loved him. I asked him what and he answered, “Let’s do something serious because I meant it When I said I loved you. What should I do to make you believe me? Should I meet your parents? You want me to swear in front of a fetish? You name it and I’m ready to prove myself.” I cried, he held me and said it was alright. He didn’t know why I was crying but he kept hugging me and it felt like comfort. He kissed me and I gave in. He touched me and I melted. I saw what was happening but I lacked the strength to resist it. It happened and it was good. He’s called Lovebridge and he’s here, loving me without knowing what’s growing in me.

READ MORE: From A Prostitute To A Pastor’s Wife: A Life Of Sin And Redemption (Part 2)

I can give him the pregnancy and he wouldn’t know it isn’t for him. He keeps making love to me with promises of forever in his mind. Ben shamed me but it looks like Lovebridge is ready to cover my shame. I read Kuukua’s story here and it motivated me to tell him the truth but I’m scared my story would be different.

I love Lovebridge but my situation won’t allow me to give him my all. It looks like there’s a wall between us. I watch him give it his all every day, while I lay with guilt and darkness in my heart. I know I won’t give him the child. I don’t know if I would keep the child to the end looking at how things are going. But should I tell him and risk losing him? Or I should just get rid of it and continue with this love I’m enjoying? I’m running out of time. The easiest option is to live without the pregnancy but….hmmmm.

–Dora

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