If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.
I wasn’t informed the day my story was published. I hadn’t been on Silent Beads for a while. I even thought my story wouldn’t be published. One early dawn I woke up and couldn’t sleep. I was thinking—thinking about life, my divorce and how life had treated me after the divorce. I missed being a family man. I yearned to wake up next to a wife and a child. I was just tossing and turning in my bed so I picked up my phone and went on Facebook. The first thing that greeted me was a story from Silent Beads. I nearly skipped but the urge to read was so strong I opened it and started reading it. I smiled to myself, “Oh they finally published my story?”
After reading the story I asked myself, “Why did I share all that information? That’s too much to share?” I went to the comment section and just after reading a couple of comments I knew I shouldn’t have sent my story. “Who can I call at this time? What can I do to get it deleted?” I checked the published date and it had been on the platform for three days. I said to myself, “It’s too late. The harm had already been done. They’ve finished insulting me so by now they have moved on to the other person. No one cares whether they delete it or not.”
I left Facebook and started thinking about the whole thing again. I said, “What if I get one piece of advice from the insults? Let me go and read again.” Insults, insults, accusations, more insults, teasing, and curses. I couldn’t stand it again so I logged out for good. I needed to find a way to make it work for me. People on the internet mostly won’t understand because they are not in your shoes. Even when they do, they can’t appreciate the trouble because they are not in the same place as you.
I went to my parents and told them what I wanted. “I want Yaa back. She has my child and both of us ought to be together to raise the child. I don’t want to give birth to kids here and there. I want my children from one woman. Help me get her back.”
My mom wanted to try but my dad rained on my parade even before we could assemble. He said, “The way she said what she said the other day, there’s no way we can convince her to come back. Yaa has a strong will. She’s not a woman to be pushed around. The only thing you can do now is to present a better version of yourself to her and hope for the best. The whole world may sit and talk to her but what she wants to see can only be seen from you. You have a child together, keep visiting and keep getting closer. Maybe, she would listen.”
I took my dad’s advice but Yaa didn’t give me the chance to see her. Whenever I called and wanted to see our child she told me, “You can go to my parent’s house on Saturday. I will leave the child there for you.” True to her words, I will go there and meet only her parents and the child. She wouldn’t be around. I used the opportunity to engage her parents and asked them to campaign for me. They were all ready to do it but they sounded the alarm, “This one is different from the rest. She doesn’t change her mind often and for the fact that you’re totally divorced, it would be very hard but we’ll do our best.”
One Saturday morning, I went to her house unannounced. I knocked on her door and she opened it. Immediately she saw me she asked, “What are you doing here and who asked you to come? Why didn’t you tell me you would be coming?” I said softly, “At least take me in and ask all these questions. Are we enemies? Are we fighting? I’m in the vicinity and decided to pass here.” She told me, “I don’t blame you. It’s my parents I blame for bringing you here the first time. You want to see your child, right? Wait for me here.”
I was outside when she brought our child to see me. She left the two of us there and went back in. I could hear voices. It felt like she was there with someone. I wasn’t sure. It could also be the radio or the TV. When she went in, she didn’t come back until I knocked to tell her I was leaving.
A man can only try. That day it dawned on me that I had to give up and move on.
I never saw Tony during the times that we were going through the divorce. I never called him or said anything to him. To me, our friendship was over but one day I was at a mutual friend’s place when he came around. I’d wanted to leave but I was held down. Tony started, “It was all a joke. I didn’t know it will get to where it got to. He was drunk when he was saying all that. It was a joke. You know me, If I slept with her I would have told you right from the beginning.” I responded, “You don’t have to lie to cover up anything. She confessed. You think we got to where we are now just because of assumptions? Anyway, there’s no need to go back and forth. It’s ok.” He went quiet for a while. He broke the silence, “It wasn’t anything big like that. It shouldn’t have destroyed a whole marriage.”
I said to myself, “That’s true, it shouldn’t have destroyed a whole marriage. That’s what I regret.”
One dawn, Yaa called to tell me the child was sick and had been admitted to the hospital. She was calm as if she was scared of something; “I’ve run out of cash. Can you send me some money?” She said.
I rushed to the hospital with my wallet full of cash. She was seated by the bed of the child so I sat next to her. The child was sleeping while receiving drips. Yaa’s face was sombre as if she hadn’t slept for a whole week. I said, “Don’t worry. Everything would be fine.”
Once in a while they would bring drugs we have to buy and I would pay for them. Once in a while, she would walk out and receive a call. She would come back and sit next to me. The voice in my head said, “Hold her hand. Touch her and she would lean on your chest. Try it and thank me later.” Just when I’m about to try, the call would come again and she will get up and leave. I told her, “The child would be fine. Maybe it wants us to be together. You know, a child always wants both parents to be together.”
She sat there, breathing heavily as if I spoke to a wall.
Then she got up again and turned towards the door. A gentleman walked in and met her at the entrance. He told her, “I hope everything is fine. What happened? Why didn’t you call me when you were coming here?” The guy got to the bed to check the child’s pulse the way doctors usually do. He didn’t even give any reverence to my presence. After checking the child, he turned and saw me. He said, “Sorry, good morning.” Yaa chipped in, “This is Caleb. You know everything about him so I don’t have to say much.” The guy looked at me and said; “Good to see you, Caleb.”
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I was waiting to hear who he was but that didn’t come so I had to ask, “Who is he? Is he a doctor?” Yaa responded, “Yeah, he is a doctor. How did you know?” I answered, “I guessed from the way he attended to the child.” They both looked at each other and smiled before Yaa finally did the introduction, “He’s Hansford, the man I told you I was seeing.”
Total silence…
It was as if the heavens were falling down on me. I nodded three times before I said, “I’ll leave you both then. Let me know when you need anything else.” I slowly walked out of the ward as if I was the one who was sick. A man doesn’t cry, it’s the reason I held on. I shuffled out of the hospital with my head so heavy as if I was carrying the world. I told myself, “It’s not worth it. If there’s a point where a man has to give up, then it’s definitely this point. I tried my best.”
I stopped trying so I wouldn’t become a barrier between them. I wanted her for myself but it didn’t mean I should fight against her happiness. I stopped calling often. If I wanted to see the child I texted her. When she realized I was no longer calling as often as I used to, she let down her defences. She told me, “You can come home to see the child if you want to. No need stopping you from what’s also yours.”
But I never did. To this day, when I want to see our child, I go to her parent’s house. I send monthly alliances. I Pay medical bills and pay school fees. I’ve stopped punishing myself for the mistakes I did. It’s the reason why there’s someone new in my life now.
What Do You Look For In A Partner You Want To Settle With?–Beads Media
I had to let go of the old so there would be space for a new thing. This one here is a different person. She knows my story and how my marriage ended. I assured her that I’m more concerned about her future than her past because there’s nothing to pick from the past except pain, hurts and disappointment. All there’s to pick and live for is in the future and that’s where we are working towards. If it ends in marriage, fine. If it doesn’t, we move. I will move until I finally find a resting place.
–Caleb
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So sorry to hear that. Sometimes we do not know what we have till we lose it. It is well. Carry on with the lessons learnt from your past. Keep doing your best and try to also be happy. Wishing you all the best!!
Awww I feel your pains dear God knows best
All the best Caleb