He’s a guy I know from church. I saw him on some Sundays but didn’t think much of him because church is not a place you go and think of men. I would see him and I would pass by. We were not even friends until one day a friend of mine, James introduced us. James had been friends with him for a long time and told me the guy had confided in him that he wanted to be friends with me. We shook hands, he introduced himself to me as Bernard and I also told him my name. Before leaving he said, “I have your number so I will be calling you.” I nodded and left their presence.

Later that evening he called and we talked. He sounded like someone who had been looking at me for a very long time. There were things he knew about me that surprised me. I asked him, “So why didn’t you talk to me? Did you need James before you could talk to me? I’m not that difficult person.” His affable nature won me over so each time he called, it was fun for us on the phone. We would meet in church, sit next to each other during service and gossip about people who came to church wearing weird shoes and wigs.

A few weeks later he proposed and I accepted his proposal. No time to play hard to get because he ticked the boxes and the icing on the cake was the fact that we were both in the same church. One Sunday after church, he asked us to sit in a restaurant nearby and talk. I followed him to the place with great expectations. It was after church and obviously, I was very hungry so going to a restaurant to have a chat sounded like a great idea. We got there and took our seats. The waitress approached us and asked what we would like to be served. Bernard was quick to respond, “Oh don’t worry, when we are ready we would place our order. We are waiting for other people to join us.”

When the waitress left, he looked at me and smiled. He said, “As for these people, immediately you enter, they expect you to buy something. Can’t people just decide to sit outside and talk without thinking of wasting money?” We sat there for over an hour, talking and laughing. It got to a point, I started shaking out of hunger. The money in my purse wasn’t enough to buy the two of us food so I told him, “I should be going home. They are expecting me to come home and cook.” He said, “Oh so soon? I thought we were going to be here all day.” I jovially said, “The waitress has been looking at us since we came here and we haven’t bought anything. We have to go before she comes to sack us.”

I was shaking when I got up. I’m like that so I don’t wait to get so hungry before I eat. It’s better I eat a little and later eat the main meal or else it would be a disaster for me. I may even fall down and collapse out of hunger. I rushed home and found something to eat before I die out of hunger. He called in the evening and we talked. He was at his jovial best and I couldn’t get enough of his jokes and fun nature. He asked, “When are you coming home to see me? We can’t always meet outside you know. You should see where I live and also meet my people.”

I thought it was a good idea so the following Sunday after church, I followed him to his house. His room was at the boy’s quarters, a few meters from the main house where his parents live. He took me to his parents’ place to greet them. Our relationship was about a month old so I didn’t expect any grand introduction. He told them I was a friend. His mother said, “It looks like I’ve seen her in church before.” His father responded, “Yeah, she’s from the church. I see her often.” They both welcomed me and we left their presence to his place.

When we settled in, he put on the TV and picked up his laptop. We were heavily involved in a conversation while he was working on his computer. He asked me, “Do you know how to type?” I responded, “I know how to type on my phone so yes.” He handed over his laptop to me and asked me to continue typing for him. He left the room for his parents’ place and later came back with a bowl of rice. He said, “This is right from my mother’s kitchen. You see why I don’t want to leave my parents’ house too soon?” He was eating while I sat there typing. I had been in his house for over an hour. He didn’t even ask if I would drink water. He went to the kitchen, brought food and was eating alone while I was typing for him.

He finished the food, went back to the kitchen and came back with juice and drank it in front of me while I was typing for him. All these made me feel like maybe his parents were making something special for me. I was getting to my shaking point so I started sweating but there was still no food. I asked for water and he brought it. That was when I realized nothing was on the way coming. I told him, “I should be going. By this time the whole house is waiting for my arrival.” Again he said, “Oh so soon. I thought…” I cut him down the middle. “Don’t worry I will come and visit again soon.”

The next visit was his coming to my place. It was after church so immediately we got home, I went to the kitchen and got something ready for him. even before I would serve the food, I served him drinks and biscuits for a starter. I was teaching him how to do it without necessarily voicing my concerns. He ate everything and was very comfortable. After everything, he got up and reach out for a kiss. I knew where it would lead so I said, “Please not here. My siblings can walk in at any moment.” He begged for it. He said he was going to be fast with it. “I would be quick with it before anyone gets here.” I shot his desire down and continued talking until he finally left.

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Our relationship is over two months old and this guy still refuses to learn. A couple of days ago, he made me dress up for a date only to take me to a nice bar without buying anything for us. After a while, I asked him, “Are we just going to sit here and watch happy people pass us by?” He asked me, “Are you not enjoying the music? I come here often for the music. I love the band.” I said, “When you take your lady out, you buy her something. A drink at least. Look at the table around. Everyone has something on their tables. That’s how it is done.” He retorted, “Eiish, the prices of drinks and food at this place are not easy ooo. If you’re a young man who wants a better future for yourself, this is not the place to buy food and drinks. They can sell one bottle of coke for GHC15.” 

I called the waitress and asked her to serve us some drinks. When the waitress left, he said, “So you had money on you and you didn’t tell me?” My blood was boiling. The music was too loud for a meaningful conversation to be had so I kept my cool. The drinks arrived and he was the first to attack it with all the speed he could muster. I was looking at him drinking and singing to himself. He was clearly happy while I sat there in anger. When we were leaving, I told him, “It’s not force to take me out but don’t take me out and refuse to spend a penny on us. It’s not fair and it doesn’t communicate your love to me very well. You’re a man. Prove it in subtle ways so I would know I can rely on you.”

He still maintained that a gentleman who wants a better future for himself doesn’t waste money anyhow. “The future is more important than now and that’s how we have to look at these things. Would you rather I spent everything on you today and have nothing for our future?”

Our relationship is young and we have a lot of emotions on reserve. I think it’s better I walk away now before I become overly invested. Because clearly, both of us don’t see the basic things the same way. I want to know, is this good ground for me to walk out of a relationship that’s barely two months old?

—Vicky

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