Daisy and I met on Facebook. I recall that day vividly. It was a holiday in the United States and I was just reading comments on Facebook. Then I saw a post on something that happened in Ghana and I commented on it. She came to like my comment and applauded me for being bold enough to call out those who were involved in such happenings. So I got curious and checked out her profile. It was then I discovered that she hails from my region and not only that, but we belong to the same tribe as well. I quickly sent her a friend request and in no time she accepted it.
She lived in the UK w while I lived in California but the distance did not prove a barrier between our blooming love. When I was graduating with my master’s degree, I invited her and she came. That was the first time we met in person. We both enjoyed each other’s company so much that after she left we started talking about marriage. She was actually the one who initiated that conversation. Even though we were both in our mid-thirties, I told her that I was not in a hurry to get married. And she said, “I have informed my mom about you and she would like to speak to you. Can you make some time for her please?” Our relationship was fairly new so I was surprised her mother was involved already. I asked her, “Your mother wants to talk to me?? What for?” Daisy responded, “Well, you will never know until you call her.”
Out of respect, I agreed to talk to her mother. I didn’t even get to call her, she was the one who called me. She introduced herself, “This is mama Juliet speaking from London, am I talking to Abraham?” I said, “Yes, this is A.B on the line please”.
We exchanged pleasantries and she asked about my parents, where I grew up in Ghana and whatnot. When we were about to wrap up our conversation, her mother said “My daughter told me beautiful things about you so I believe you are a good man. The kind of man I want her to marry. We all come from the same tribe so it will be very nice if the two of you get married. What do you think?” I politely told her, “Marrying your daughter isn’t something I’m against. It’s just that we only started talking about three months ago. I want us to take our time and get to know each other very well.” She agreed with my answer so we ended the conversation there.
My Master’s degree is in Civil Engineering, and I did so excellently that I gained admissions with full funding for a PhD program from two top schools in the States. So I was more interested in pursuing that than marriage. However, Daisy did not like that. She started mounting pressure on me to reconsider my priorities. Every time she called, it was about marriage. She suggested, “What if we kill two birds with one stone? Apply for a PhD program in the UK, and move here for school and for us to get married. We will both get what we want in the end.” I didn’t agree with her. I went ahead and spoke to a few friends and they all said I was right not to agree with her plan. This made her angry so we started having issues. I began to notice that she got so rough and rude anytime an argument ensued between us.
One day, we argued for close to two hours and she said, “You are in the US as an international student, and someone is interested in helping you with papers to come over to the UK but you’re there throwing your weight about.” At this statement, I got furious and told her, “I am not interested in papers or else I would have gotten married in the States long before I met you.” Then I hung up and sent her a text; “Daisy, thanks for knowing you but I would like to indicate that I am done with this relationship. Best.”
When I woke up the next morning, her mother left me a voicemail pleading on behalf of her daughter. She also called several times but I didn’t pick up any of her calls. A week or so later, her mother reached out to my dad in Ghana and requested that he intervene in the matter. She didn’t stop there, she also called my brother who lives in the US to also talk to me on her behalf. I don’t know how she got their contacts but the fact that she went to such lengths softened my heart so I gave Daisy a chance to come back into my life.
At some point, I decided to make a compromise and decline my PhD admissions in the States. I applied to a UK school and I gained admission. My siblings encouraged me to relocate to the UK for school and settle down with Daisy. I prayed my decision wouldn’t be something I’d regret as I made preparations to alter my entire life for love.
In September 2020, I got my student visa and subsequently flew to the UK. When I arrived, Daisy and her family suggested that I live with them so that we can get married before I start classes. I saw reason with that and complied. After our marriage ceremony, which was largely attended by my in-laws and friends of my wife, my wife brought it to my attention that the distance between where we live and my campus is a 2-3 hour flight. Then she said, “I don’t think you should spend money to rent an apartment on campus either. There’s a place for you in our home for free.” I told her, “No, I will not stay with you and your family long term. This situation can breed a lot of problems. I think we should get our own place as soon as possible.” This didn’t go down well with her and so her mom and siblings intervened. A lot was said here and there and again, I made a decision that will favour her and not me. I decided to defer the program after doing a semester and then relocated to her place.
READ ALSO: We Were Together When She Went Ahead To Marry Her Old Time Boyfriend, Now She’s Back
After deferring my program, I sought to gain admission to one of the top UK schools near her residence. I tried a few times but I couldn’t get in. That was when Daisy started disrespecting me. She even did it in the presence of her family. For some months now, I haven’t been able to work because my status has changed from student to spouse. Therefore I need my papers to get a job. Because of this, my wife tells me at the slightest provocation, “I am going to stop the processing of your documents until further notice.” And I don’t know if she is bluffing or if she’ll follow through or has already followed through with her threats. My hands are tied now and I think she relishes it because it gives her the opportunity to abuse me verbally.
Recently, she had an issue with her mom, and she sought my opinion on the matter. When I told her she was wrong, she took offence and even hit me right in front of her siblings and mom. I tried to control my temper and not hit her in return. But I warned her, “Never hit me again or else you will see a side of me you will not like.” Before I could walk away from her, she pushed me. At that point, I lost my cool and pushed her back. Later, I felt so bad for descending into the gutters with her. I didn’t know my wife would become so abusive. Partners are bound to have issues but to the extent that my wife would start hitting me was something I least expected in my marriage. I feel very hurt, and very frustrated right now. My brother and my dad are blaming themselves for encouraging me to move to the UK. But I do not blame them; I should have stood my ground and ignored their advice as well.
Now, I feel stranded as this tyrant of a wife continues to abuse me. Folks, I need your advice, please. I have had it to my throat and I can’t take it anymore.
—A.B
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#SB
Quickly return to Ghana and get married without her knowledge and never back to the states.
Divorce her and move back to the US or if you think Divorce will take a longer time, just move back to the states and start your processes for your studies, after all when you were in the states you were not sleeping on the streets or begging dor food.
I am a woman and there are certain things I don’t condone at all.
Hola me if you want to talk.
Hi A.B,…moving to the U K was the worst decision you made… it’s really unfortunate, but if you can, go back to the States. I really wish you the vest. Sorry for what you are going through.
Is it possible to go back to the US at this time? If yes, then you should give it a try and kill two stones with one bird thus:
1. Get to stand back on your feet
2. Keep your distance from the growing abuse at home, until nerves are calmed sufficiently to allow reason prevail and logical decisions taken after due reflection(which the time apart will also give chance for).
Please go back to the US….as fast as you can…
I knew she was going to be problematic when her mother went above and beyond to get you to marry her. Please learn from this and going forward, make major decisions such as marriage and career moves only on your terms( you also matter). Do not allow yourself to be coerced or manipulated. In my opinion, you should do everything you can to move back to the US and pursue your education/ career asap. But please make sure to move in silence, more often that not, your best bet to succeed at exiting an abuse marriage or relationship is to move in silence. Do not forget that the UK is her territory and she can make your life miserable if she suspects what your intentions are (they orchestrated all the shenanigans to get you hooked, you won’t be let off easily). Believe you me, I’ve been there. Thank your stars if there are no kids involved yet. You can pursue a divorce later when you are emotionally, psychologically and financially stable enough. Best wishes to you!
You may be dealing with a narcissist, so try and research/ educate yourself on life with a narcissist spouse/ family and take the needed steps for your sanity and well being. Best wishes!
A. B….there is no long talk about this. Do everything possible and move back to the US in silence ASAP,then continue your PhD and live your life.
It’s a mistake with good lessons learnt.
Your continued stay in the UK is weakening you in every aspect . If you delay long enough,she will do lots of harm and keep you a slave.
Go back to the US and start all over.
Later , divorce her cos she won’t ever change. No wonder her mom and family did everything and offloaded her to you.
Best of luck bro