My Husband’s Family Lives With Us And Dictate The Pace Of Our Marriage

My husband and I have been married for the past two years. Before we got married he made me understand that he was divorced with two children. That didn’t bother me or change my thoughts about him. I understood that sometimes life happens and everyone deserves another chance at happiness. So I went ahead and married him. I was in school then and I lived on campus but I came home every month to cook and stock the fridge and see to other chores. 

One day I came home to meet my husband’s nephew living in the house. When I asked my husband what was going on he said, “He just started his national service and our house is close to his workplace, so he is living here for the time being.” I wasn’t happy about it because no one involved me in the decision-making. I figured it wasn’t my house and I wasn’t the one taking care of him so I let it go. I tried to manage his presence in the house during my visits until I completed school and came home. By then he had finished his national service and had started working. I was hoping he would move out but he didn’t. My husband didn’t mind that his nephew was still around so I didn’t complain. 

 The problem now is that he is interfering in my relationship with the children. Anytime I tell the children to do something, he would also tell them to do another thing. The kids end up getting confused about whom to listen to. I am trying not to have problems with him so even though I find his behaviour irritating, I don’t talk. Recently, I was home when my sister-in-law brought a relative from the village to come and live with us. I didn’t know anything about this either so I asked her, “Why is he coming to live here?” She retorted; “Didn’t your husband tell you anything about it?” “He didn’t tell me anything,” I replied. She explained, “He has completed JHS and he is waiting to enrol in an electrical school. He will stay with you until school begins.” 

I calculated the distance from the school the boy was supposed to attend to our house and it was too far for a commute. This gave me an assurance that he would leave as soon as he starts school. When the time came for him to start school my sister-in-law said, “We found an electrical school close to your house. That’s where he will attend. Your husband already agreed to this arrangement.” So her son and the boy were living with us. I wasn’t comfortable about it but I calmed myself down, “I am not the one cooking for them or taking care of their upkeep so I won’t let their presence bother me.” 

One day my husband came home around midnight. I was asleep so he called me on phone to open the gate for him. Immediately he came in he asked, “What’s that smell? It’s so awful.” We turned on the light only to find that the village boy had urinated in the bathroom and left the whole place smelling and messy. I locked the place up and confronted him in the morning. “Why didn’t you urinate in the toilet?” He said the taps were not flowing. “There is always water in the gallons, next time use that. Now, scrub the bathroom clean before your uncle wakes up.” I instructed him. 

Within five minutes, he came to tell me he was done. I didn’t need to inspect it to know that he did a bad job. So I asked him to go back and clean it again. And he didn’t move. He just stood there staring at me, his body language telling me that he won’t do it. At that point, I got angry and started shouting at him. 

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My husband’s nephew heard the commotion and came out to check what was happening. After hearing the problem he told the boy to go back and clean the bathroom again, and the boy did that. I got angrier, I felt undermined and disrespected by the two of them. The next day the boy packed his things and left for my sister-in-law’s house without informing anyone. Later, I found out that they called my husband for a meeting and the issue was resolved on my behalf. I wasn’t even aware there was going to be a meeting until it was over. They met to discuss me without giving me the courtesy to defend myself or explain my side of the story.

 Just the other day my husband gave me money to buy some items on my Stepson’s prospectus for SHS. Among the list of items was a scientific calculator which I bought. When my husband’s nephew came home my son showed the items to him out of excitement. The moment he saw the calculator he said it wasn’t the right one. “What’s wrong with it?” I asked. He said “It will hurt his eyes. Return it and bring me the money to buy him the quality one.” I told him, “Even if I return it I won’t get the money back. He should use it for now.” This guy took the calculator and started hitting it on the table saying he would buy my son another one himself. I got angry and told him, “Stop coming between me and my family. You are not even supposed to be in this house.” 

Since that day, there has been bad blood between us. His presence now makes me more uncomfortable than before. He is working, and he can afford his own place so I want him to move out. But my husband doesn’t see anything wrong with his behaviour. He tells me, “He is my nephew. He can live here for as long as he wants to.” And my sister-in-law too has stopped talking to me. I don’t know what to do about this situation. Was I wrong in my reaction to him? Is it bad of me to want him gone?