Dede is my best friend. The kind of friend I post on my social media and write “BFF” under it. I don’t know what forever means or how long forever should be but if I had to go through this life for a certain amount of time, I’d rather go through it with Dede on my side than anyone else. I would choose her over my sister. I would choose her over a lot of people. Because the kind of meaning she brings to the table of friendship is something I believe few people could. Maybe it’s because of the troubles we’ve been through together as an adult that has minted us together at the different side of the same coin. 

She’s pretty and I’m pretty too. I don’t care what people may think about the way I look but when I look into the mirror, I like what I see so I don’t wait for others to tell me what I already know. I’m beautiful and your words won’t change it for me. One day Dede told me, “The way things are going in our lives, we better look for a soothsayer to reveal our destinies to us because this is not good. Look at fine girls. What don’t we have? So why is it that good men don’t come our way?” She makes jokes about our love lives often but if you sit down and look at things critically, you’ll realize that the two of us have really suffered in love.

She dated a guy I don’t want to mention his name here. For five good years, they were together. One day she called me and said, “Please call my boyfriend and say something to him for me. Anything at all just to let him know that I love him so much and I would die if he leaves me.” I didn’t ask her why because I knew already what the problem was. I called the guy. I gave my best of relationship speech. talked about how Dede’s love for him was like a rainbow and butterflies and shit. I was doing my best trying to bring his mind to what he should already know. The guy said, “I know she loves me but both of us can’t be together. Love alone isn’t enough.”

When I called Dede back she asked me, “How did it go?” I answered, “I did my best dear. I tried all the methods in the book but he had already decided he won’t come back.” She responded, “I know the reason. It could only be that girl and nothing else. Do you remember that girl I told you about? The girl I said I suspect he’s dating? That girl abroad. She could be the reason he’s leaving me. I swear if that’s the case, I will curse him.” Just under a year, the guy married the girl abroad. It looks like Dede’s curses didn’t work but we moved. 

I’ve also had a similar story. I dated a guy for a year thinking he was my prince charming. On his birthday, his wife posted a photo of them on Facebook with their three kids. I called him immediately and asked what was happening. He asked me, “What are you talking about?” I told him, “The photo on your Facebook wall. That woman and those kids, who are they?” He laughed at me. I mean loud laugher paaa as if I was the craziest comedian he had ever come across. He said, “Oh, don’t be deceived. She’s my senior brother’s wife. I visited him and we took that photo.” I said, “The photo I see is a studio photo. Your senior brother is a photographer?” He said, “It’s not a studio. It’s his house but my senior brother takes good pictures that’s why the photo looks like a studio one.” 

I was going back to watch the photo again when I realized he had blocked me. I sent him a message to ask why and his answer was, “You said I’m married. That’s ok. If I’m not married and you say I’m married, it’s ok. Just leave me alone. I don’t like women who don’t believe their boyfriends.” 

So the two of us—Dede and I had been in the rough seas when it comes to relationships. It’s those stories we share that make us strong together. I could lose a boyfriend today and she will offer me shoulders to cry on. Days later, even before I heal, she’ll also lose her boyfriend. She’s a strong girl so she heals quicker than I do. All the time. Eventually, we decided to stay off love’s road so we don’t get hit by those reckless drivers. We were single for months until Dede called to tell me, “It looks like love. This one is different. His eyes tell the story of my soulmate and like the firefly, he flew out of nowhere into my heart. I think I will give him a try.”

When I met the guy for the first time, I understood why Dede would fall for him that quickly. He’s a good-looking guy by all standards. Soft-spoken and looked like a guy who wouldn’t kill a fly. He comes with icing—money. You only have to see the kind of car he drives for you to know how rich he is. I asked Dede, “You think he’s your safest bet? Have you investigated him enough to know that he’s single and doesn’t have any hidden agenda?” She said, “He’s not married. That’s the most important thing. If he has a girlfriend then that girlfriend would have me to contend with. After all, we are both not official.”

I was shocked. It didn’t look like I was talking to my Dede. Dede the BFF. “But That’s a dangerous position to take?” I posed. “Let me tell you, my shoulder is already hurting. I feel pain when I lift it small. It might not be able to give you a comfortable spot when you come crying. Do a proper job or tuck your heart away from this guy before it gets shattered again.” Her answer was, “Life is a risk we all take. How can we win if we don’t take certain risks like this?” A girl in love. Even if she’s your BFF, you can’t advise her. But she looked happy. The happiest I’d seen her in a very long while. 

She came to me one late afternoon. She looked like she had something to say but was struggling to say it. She started, “There’s something I want to tell you but it’s too heavy for my mouth and I don’t know how you’ll take it.” I asked her, “Are you pregnant for the guy?” She said, “How can that be heavy for me to tell you? It’s heavier than that.” I asked, “Or you don’t want to be my BFF again?” She said, “Don’t be silly.”

“So what could be so heavy for my BFF? You and I are not like that? We say everything. Just shoot. I don’t know how my response would be but you know you’re at the safest place when you’re with me.”

“Ok, let me tell you. My guy has a crazy fantasy he wants to fulfill. I’m the one he wants to do it with but we need another woman to be able to accomplish that. You’re the only woman I can think of.”

“Dede, you know me? What won’t I do for my BFF? Just tell me.”

“He wants us both. At the same time. You know what I mean?”

“Are you serious? As in the three of us in the same room doing it? Three and some?”

“You see why I said it’s heavy? I know it’s hard but can you try for me?”

“So you mean of all the fantasies in this world, that’s what your guy wants? He doesn’t have the fantasy to travel with two girls to the Caribbean just to chill? Trip for three? Dinner for three. Things of such nature don’t appeal to his fantasy? Only shuperu for three? No, I can’t”

“Just once. He’s a good guy with crazy fantasy. Just this once and we are done. You don’t know the kind of things that guy can do for you afterward.”

Days later, I had a call. It was from the guy. He spoke softly like an angel but came with a request only the devil can make; “I know your friend has discussed it with you already. I’m here only to ask you to grant us the favor. There are so many things I will do for you two if you let that happen. Or you can also talk about what you want. It would be provided even before it happens.”

I felt disrespected. I mean I can take that from my BFF but not from a guy I don’t know from anywhere, even if that guy is the boyfriend of my BFF. I told him to stay off me. I warned him never to call my line again. “I’ll respect you today because it’s the first time. Next time I would be very rough with you so don’t try.” Days later he texted, “GHC2000 just for 30mins.” I screenshot the message and sent it to Dede. Her response was, “I told you. He would do a lot if we fulfill his fantasies.” 

“Dede, what did he give you that you no longer act like the BFF I’ve always known? What’s happening? You’re losing it. Is it because he’s rich? Snap out of it and leave that relationship. Do you think he’s going to do it once and it won’t happen again? Dear, I thought you were smarter than this. Leave him before he makes a fool out of you.”

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Her response was, “It’s ok if you won’t do it but don’t call him names. I’m still your friend though you won’t do anything for my sake. It’s alright.” She cut the call. Days later the guy texted again, “I’ve doubled it. GHC4,000.” I blocked him on Whatsapp. I intensified my effort to pull Dede out of the guy’s shackles. She called it intrusion. She told me to stay out of her relationship stuff. Sadly, I obliged. She stopped talking to me and stopped coming to me. When I called she picked but her response was off the mark each time we spoke. I was losing her and there was nothing I could do.

In December, I called her. I realized I was missing my friend, especially at a time when we would have been all over the place chilling and having mad fun. When I called she was a little bit lively. I asked about her plans and she said she had none. 

“Then let’s plan something.” 

“That would be great.” 

I asked about her rich guy and she responded, “We broke up. A week ago.” I screamed, “And you didn’t come for a shoulder? Have you replaced me?”

Hours later we were together. She didn’t cry. She didn’t even look sad. I asked what happened and she told me, “I couldn’t stand the pressure. You didn’t do it so he went in for a call-girl to replace you. I didn’t do it. He got angry and threatened to leave me. He tried it another time. It was late in the night but I ran out of his place. He told me not to come back again. I wasn’t even planning to go back.” She thanked me for being there regardless. We are back together again. BFF 

On 1st January, I was in bed when a call came through. I picked up and it was that guy—Dede’s rich boyfriend. He said, “You proved to me that you’re a woman a man can trust. Look at the offers I made you but you still rejected everything. You earned my respect. You’re the kind of woman I would love to spend my life with. That your friend isn’t worth it so I left her. Can we meet so we talk?” I asked him, “Is this your number? I mean your mainline?” He responded, “Yeah that’s my number. You didn’t save it when I called the other time?” I cut the call and blocked him.

I haven’t told Dede about this development. She’s still healing and I don’t want to play with the scab of her wounds. One day we’ll talk about it and laugh but definitely not today. 

–Nancy 

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