I accept that I’m not good-looking. I don’t wait for anyone to tell me before I get to know about it. It’s something I’ve known since I was a kid. When I was in SHS, I got a girl to say yes to me. She told me, “Don’t tell anyone that we are dating.” I didn’t tell anyone but somehow, friends got to know about it and it spread around campus. They teased the girl until she wrote me a letter telling me that it was over between us. She said, “I told you not to tell anyone but you went out there to broadcast it. I was trying to do you a favor but you won’t keep quiet.” 

That day, I got to know that she warned me not to tell anyone because she didn’t want anyone to know. I was the dark spot at the top of a lizard’s feces. When something is said to you very often, you get used to it. I got used to people calling me ugly so I got along with it. At the university too same. People made fun of my looks. I will be in a group that wants to take a group photo. Immediately we start taking our positions, they’ll hand over the camera to me to take the photo because they don’t want me to be in the photo. As I said, I got used to it and even made fun of myself before others start doing it.

I didn’t have a serious relationship because of that. I could get a girlfriend today and tomorrow she will leave me. It was so easy for them to leave me because it didn’t feel like they were losing anything. At some point, I decided to leave the dating scene and concentrate on building my life. For four years I was out there in the world, minding my business and making moves to better my life. And then I met Fafa. I wasn’t thinking of dating her and she wasn’t thinking of dating me too but we stayed close to each other for so long that we became fond of each other. There was nothing she asked of me that I didn’t do for her. I’m older than her but I didn’t mind running errands for her. She often told me, “You’re the kindest person I’ve ever met in my life. Even the guys I dated were not that kind to me.”

At some point I started boasting, “I’m a good person ooo, it’s the looks that I don’t have but trust me, I can kill you with kindness.” She said, “Don’t say that about yourself. You’re very handsome. Those who see you differently might be looking at something different but to me, you’re good looking.” Not that I believed her but it felt good to know that someone finds me handsome. I wasn’t used to hearing that and it made me happy on the inside.

One day I gathered the courage and proposed to her and she accepted. No “give me some time to think about it” or “Let me pray about it and see what God will say.” She said, “I like you too because I believe in you.” For two years we dated. We were always happy. People I had dated didn’t introduce me to their friends easily but Fafa will meet someone today and introduce me to them as her boyfriend. I was always happy around her because she showed me off and made me feel like the most important person in her life.

A year ago, I went to meet her family. She introduced me to her parents and then later introduced me to her senior sister. They were all receptive and that went a long way to get my confidence buoyed. Recently we started talking about marriage. She said she wanted to finish doing her master’s degree first before marriage so I should give her a year. I accepted. When it comes to marriage, you can’t rush it. I accepted to wait patiently for her until she’s done with her masters. 

Not too long ago she traveled to visit her family. I was talking to her every day, asking her how things were going in the house. Mostly when I called, I asked about her sister and her parents. I will then tell her to extend my greetings to them. That day when I called and I was about to hang up I asked, “How is your senior sister? Extend my greeting to her.” She responded, “She’s sitting right next to me.” I said, “Oh that’s great. Tell her that I greet her.” When we said bye-bye, I didn’t cut my line immediately. I heard her sister asking her, “Who called?” Fafa answered, “Who else if not Mr. Fine Man?” Her sister laughed. She said, “Those kind of men are very clingy. Every second they’ll call you, thinking one nice guy is taking you away.” 

Fafa laughed. She said, “You know the thing paaa. This one can call me twenty times in an hour.” They both laughed. Her sister said, “So you’re going to marry him? Think about your kids ooo. One day they’ll blame you for being the reason why they are ugly because it’s you who didn’t choose the right man.” They both burst out laughing. Fafa said, “Hmmm, but he’s a good man too ooo. I’ve never had a man treat me the way he treats me.” Her sister said, “Why won’t he be a good man? When you’re looking like this, you have no option but to be a good man but be careful, those guys can marry you today and change tomorrow.”

I was on the other side of the phone listening to their conversation. For close to three minutes, they were there talking about my looks not knowing I was listening from the other side. When I heard enough, I cut the line. 

I’ve had people call me ugly all my life but I was never hurt until I heard Fafa and her sister calling me ugly. This is someone I’ve trusted so much for so long. This is someone who has spent hours and days helping me build my confidence, unbeknownst to me, she laughs at me behind my back. They even have a name for me, “Mr. Fine Man.” They laugh with me and laugh at me from behind. That really hurt and from what I heard, it sounded like Fafa was even thinking of walking out of the relationship. Her sister was only stoking the fire.

READ ALSO: My Wife Gets Worried Anytime I Talk About DNA Test On Our Kids

I haven’t discussed anything with her yet. I just want to buy myself some time and walk out of the relationship before she does because, from the way I see it, she won’t marry me. She’s keeping me around just because I’ve been good to her but I believe being good is not enough reason to marry someone. You should love someone enough to see beyond his looks and weakness. She even thinks I’ve been calling her incessantly because I’m scared to lose her. No, I call her because I love her enough to want to know what she’s up to. 

I’ve discussed the issue with a trusted colleague at my office. She said, “Your wife might be joking so it’s better you talk to her about it. As for her sister and what she thinks, it’s inconsequential so you don’t have to get worked up over it.” Do you also think the same way? That it’s a joke? Why would she not agree to marry me since the marriage would not affect her master’s in any way? Is she not also buying herself some time to walk out? Finally, would I be wrong to walk out?

–Divine

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to us at [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG