The first person she introduced me to was her father. Our relationship was about three months old then. That day when she took me home to meet him, the agenda was very simple. She said, “My dad likes to know the man I’m dating so when I’m leaving home, he’ll know where I’m going.” It sounded a little bit unusual for me because where I come from the women don’t tell their fathers when they are going to meet their boyfriends. They find excuses. They tell them something just to escape. They don’t go to their fathers and say, “I’m going to visit my boyfriend,” especially when that relationship is only three months old. 

The father shook my hand and said, “My son, you don’t look like someone who comes from this town. Where do you come from and what are you doing here and how long have you been here?” I  told him, “Yeah I don’t come from this place but I’ve been here for the past five months, working, living, and enjoying myself in my newfound home.” He said, “You didn’t answer one of the questions. Where do you come from? What work do you do and how did you meet my daughter and how long have you two been together that I’m now getting to know about you?”

The questions never stopped but I did my best to answer all of them the best way I could. He said, “I’m glad she brought you home. This shows that she was well brought up and knows the value of a father in her life. I will say only one thing. You guys should be careful in all your dealings. Don’t do things that people in your situation don’t have to do. If she does something and you don’t like it, you can come to me and I will settle it. Everyone knows me around here because I go everywhere. Wherever you meet me, come to me Ok?”

He was very frank with me and I liked his straightforwardness but her daughter was trouble. Our relationship was great from the beginning and just a couple of months after the introduction, suspicion, and angst crept into the relationship. She said she wanted to meet my family too. I told her, “You’ll meet them. We have to plan and travel to Tema together so you meet them.” She pestered me for weeks so finally, I gave in. I wasn’t ready to travel but because of pressure, I said, “Get ready, we are going there next week. My father died long ago but you will see my mother and my junior sister. We will stay for the weekend and return on Sunday.”

When the day finally came for us to travel, she changed her mind. She said she was sick but she looked alright to me. She said she couldn’t travel because it’s a long journey. “I can’t travel that long-distance with my sickness. Let’s reschedule.” I told her, “Tell me whenever you’re ready.” She stopped bothering me from that day on. I visited Tema a lot of times afterward but she found a reason not to go with me. One evening, I had traveled when I missed her call. I called back just fifteen minutes late and this girl never picked. I called several times later and she didn’t pick. Later in the morning, she called. She said she was sleeping and her phone was on silent, so she didn’t hear me calling.

I didn’t make much of it until it continued the following night. I called her around 8pm. She never picked. I called again at 9pm she didn’t pick. The next morning, she woke up and told me she was sleeping and the phone was on silent. The day I came to town and I wanted to see her, she gave me excuses. I didn’t get it so I met her the next day and asked what the issue was. She said, “There’s nothing wrong. I was just not in the frame of mind to see you.”

One evening I was watching a football match at a DSTV joint when I saw her passing with a certain guy. She was laughing a lot and holding something in her hand that looked like a takeaway pack. I called her phone. I saw her looking at her phone’s screen but she didn’t pick. I wanted to get up and chase after them but I thought it wasn’t the right thing to do. I called and called but she didn’t pick. I sent her a voice note telling her that I’d seen her. I asked if it was because of that guy that was why she wasn’t picking my calls. She didn’t open her Whatsapp until the next morning when she called to tell me she was not the one I saw. I was shocked. I said, “Heerh, I called your phone and you looked on your screen.” She said, “Then it’s your mind playing tricks on you. These days, I sleep early oo. I was sleeping by then.”

I thought I was dreaming. I felt my sanity was being questioned. I really went hard on her that day. I said, “So that guy is the reason you don’t pick my calls in the evening? When I’m not there, he takes over. When I’m there, he still takes over so what are we even doing?” She still denied what I was saying. I wouldn’t allow anyone to play chaskele with my brains so I told her it was over. She said, “Fine! I’m even tired of you. Every day you accuse me of things I hadn’t done. What sort of man are you? Do I know what you do when you travel to Tema? It’s not you that will tell me it’s over. I’ve left you long ago but you didn’t know it.”

A month or so later, I met her father in town. He asked, “I haven’t been seeing you around these days. I hope all is well.” I said, “All is well daddy but I’m no longer together with your daughter. She found a new boyfriend so she left me.” He screamed, “It’s a lie!” I said, “You can ask her.” Later that evening I saw a call on my phone. It was her father. He said, “My daughter is saying it’s you who left her and she had begged you for days but you said no.” I laughed. He asked, “Can you come around?” I accepted to go but later felt it wasn’t necessary so I didn’t go.

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I was in my room one day when I heard a knock on my door. I opened and it was the girl’s father. He said, “I came peacefully but we don’t throw our traditions away, that’s why I’m here this morning. You’ve dated my daughter for a quite long now. She brought you home. I witnessed it. If today you don’t want her again, you just don’t leave her. You have to ‘push’ her with something. She washed for you. She cooked for you. I believe she warmed your bed too. All that can’t be in vain. I’m waiting, bring the ‘pushing’ money.”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I said, “Seriously? Where is that done? I haven’t heard anything of that sort and again, I’m not the one who left your daughter. She found someone else and we broke up so why should I pay? Your daughter never washed or cooked for me. You can ask her.” He said, “So you didn’t sleep with her too?” I didn’t say a word.” He said, “I will be in my house waiting for you. Don’t let us stretch this too far.” 

I returned from work one evening and those in the house told me that the man had come to look for me and had left a message that he’s still waiting. Two months later, this man is still pursuing me for the ‘pushing’ money. At some point, out of frustration, I told him I will settle him at the end of the month. I haven’t and he still pursues me around trying to get his pushing money. Can I report him to the police?  What annoys me most is the fact that his daughter is walking around freely with the other guy while her father pursues me day and night over an amount I’m not ready to pay. 

–Anderson

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