I met Daniel in 2019 when I was working with a private company in Accra. He was a regular customer who came to our office occasionally, and we gradually became friends. He was very respectful, generous and attentive. Whenever he came around, he made sure he saw me before leaving. Sometimes, he would call after work just to ask how my day had gone.
I was 26 at the time, and I had been single for almost two years. So, when he eventually told me he wanted us to be more than friends, I was excited. I liked him, and I felt he was the kind of man I could build something meaningful with.
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We started dating, and things moved quickly. He rented an apartment in East Legon, drove a nice car and worked in a managerial position with a company that paid him well. He was also very generous towards me. He paid for my hair, bought me clothes and made sure I never lacked anything whenever I visited him.
About six months into the relationship, I discovered that he was married. I was devastated because he had never mentioned having a wife. When I confronted him, he admitted that he was married but claimed things had been bad between him and his wife for years. According to him, they were only staying together because of their children, and they had discussed going their separate ways.
He said he was afraid I would walk away before getting to know the kind of person he was. He assured me that he had no intention of continuing a marriage that had been dead for years. He pleaded with me. He professed his love for me and that I was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He even promised that once he sorted things out with his wife, he would come and see my family.
I know some people will wonder why I stayed after finding out he was married. I had the same questions myself. But I was already emotionally involved, and he made it difficult for me to walk away.
In 2021, I became pregnant. When I told him, he was excited. He said he had always wanted to have a child with me and that this was another reason he was convinced we were meant to be together. I asked if he was going to tell his wife, but he asked me not to worry my pretty head about it.
I gave birth to a beautiful boy, and Daniel was present throughout the pregnancy and after delivery. He paid my hospital bills, bought everything the baby needed and even rented a bigger apartment for us. He visited regularly and made sure our son had everything he needed.
However, there was one thing that bothered me. Despite having a child together, I had never met anyone from his own family or his wife’s family, and none of my family members had met his either. I complained about it a lot, but he always had the perfect answer to calm my anger. “I am taking good care of you and our child. You’re comfortable. What more do you need? Be patient with me.”
Our boy is now four years old, and I have spent almost five years in this relationship. I have become so accustomed to Daniel that people around me practically consider us married. He makes decisions with me, discusses his work and finances with me and even talks about the kind of school our son should attend.
Two months ago, I discovered that I was pregnant again. I was excited because I had always wanted our son to have a sibling. When I told Daniel, however, his reaction was very different from what I expected. He became quiet and asked whether I was sure about the pregnancy. I told him I had taken two tests, and both were positive.
That was when he told me his wife was pregnant too. It wasn’t news to me that he had children, but another child, in this economy? That would be their fourth child. If you ask me, that is too much, but I didn’t concern myself with asking whether it was planned or not. I had my own issues to deal with.
“So, what are we now going to do with my own?” I asked. He responded, “I am struggling with four already. Six, and I’d break down. I can’t. Help me.”
Daniel was the one who talked more about us having more children, but now he was saying something different. He said he had not planned for two pregnancies at the same time. Then he told me he wanted me to terminate mine because he couldn’t ask his wife to do that. I asked why his wife shouldn’t be the one to do that. He looked me up and down and responded that it was his legal responsibility and that she was a staunch Christian and wouldn’t agree to it.
I refused, so he called me too emotional and told me to face reality. Since that conversation, he has not been himself. He still sends money for our son and pays the household bills, but whenever I mention the pregnancy, he becomes irritated. He has demanded that I take care of the situation quickly before his wife gives birth.
His wife has no idea that I exist. She doesn’t know that her husband has another child, let alone that I am pregnant by him again. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if she found out. Would she leave the marriage for me? Would Daniel finally acknowledge us publicly, or would he abandon everything we have built together to protect his marriage?
I am far too gone. I am currently three months pregnant, and I honestly don’t know what to do. I love my son, and I don’t want him to grow up without his father. If Daniel should decide that he is cutting us off because I refused to heed his words, then we are finished.
When A Man Cheats And Doesn’t Disrespect You, It Should Be OK
My family believes I am in a serious relationship with a man who will eventually marry me. They don’t even know that he has a wife and three children who are expecting another sibling. But that is fine. It is not as if there won’t be a third world war when they find out.
He hasn’t breathed a word again about the pregnancy. I am guessing it means he really is serious, and I am beginning to feel that he only wants me around when my presence does not interfere with his family. Should I keep the pregnancy and accept whatever consequences come with it, or should I listen to him and consider the future of the child we already have? And how long am I supposed to remain a secret in this man’s life?
—Kezia
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#SB<>
One that man will never leave his wife for you
2 don’t abort that will haunt you for the rest of your life
3 if you are in a position start a side hustle if you’re employed. If not put away as much as you can from what he gives
4 start thinking of yourself as a single mum to two children he will come to accept the child later
But do not abort that child. Instead start looking for ways to make extra money so that when he fails in his responsibility towards the children you will have something to fall back on
Hmmmm
The moment you got to know that he was married and still stayed was where your problems began. You know how these kind of stories end.
You will always be the other woman, the hidden one, the one they don’t marry even if their wives divorce them.
The one they will neglect because their wives found out. The after thought.
Please consider yourself a single mom of two and start building systems in place to make the landing softer.
Don’t go about saying men are scum. God showed you but you decided to STAY. It is always the material things that lure my gender and they lose their senses.
👏👏👏👏
ck girl has said it all, get closer to God and he will direct your path