We met online. He told me he was living in Scotland and had arrived there only a week before we started talking. He spoke about adjusting to life abroad, the weather, and how much he missed certain things about Ghana.
Sometimes, we stayed awake talking until I fell asleep with my phone beside me. He listened when I spoke and remembered details about my life. We started dating not long afterwards.
Five months into the relationship, he announced that he was coming to Ghana. I was very excited, especially when he said he was coming because of me. According to him, our relationship had become too important for him to continue living so far away.
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When he finally came to see me, I was nervous. He smiled when he saw me and held me for a long time. All the nervousness dissipated.
Our relationship continued in Ghana. He wasn’t financially comfortable, but he explained that returning from Scotland had interrupted some of his plans. I had never expected him to be wealthy simply because he had travelled abroad.
Sometimes, I supported him with small things. Other times, we adjusted our plans according to what we could afford. He was in Ghana for three weeks and went back to Scotland.
A few weeks after going back to Scotland, things changed. It was hard to reach him, and when I finally did, he spoke like he had somewhere to go. Eventually, he disappeared. I was worried. I even cried. For close to two weeks, I didn’t hear from him. And then one night, I was deeply asleep when I heard my phone ringing. It was him. I said hello. He said, “I’m so sorry, my dear. I’m on my knees as I speak to you. Please forgive me.”
He explained that he had gotten a new job, and that job had taken him to a village in Scotland. They were not allowed to use phones, and he had returned to his base in Scotland because he had realised he couldn’t do a job like that. “A job that will make it hard for me to talk to my sweetheart.”
I listened. I believed him. I cried out of happiness. Our love story continued. We dated for about a year more, and then he told me he wanted us to get married.
I was so happy my heart nearly burst out of its seams. I couldn’t wait to marry him and become his Mrs.
We talked about how we were going to live as a married couple. I was clear. I told him I wouldn’t want to marry him and be apart from him. He asked if I wanted to live in Scotland with him, and I responded, “I don’t mind even if you decide to live in Ghana. All I want is for us to live together.”
It became very hard to reach him on a video call. He gave many excuses as to why. Either he was doing a shift or was asleep when I called on video. Later, he said he was sharing a room with a friend, and it made it hard to talk on video.
He sent his family to come to my family to perform the knocking rite. They got the list and sent it to him. We started making preparations. He would send money to his brother to buy what we needed instead of sending the money to me. When I asked why, he said he wanted his family to be part of the preparation.
A month before our wedding, he came to Ghana. He didn’t tell me he was coming. Our plan was for him to come two weeks before the wedding and return a week after the wedding. I was over the moon to see him. He told me, “I’ve come so we can have the counselling in person. I’m even thinking of not going back again after the wedding.”
The decisions were flying fast and all over my head. “When did you decide not to go again?” I asked. He answered, “Is it not your wish that we live together?”
He didn’t have money. I felt he wasn’t well established enough to make that decision so quickly. I told him, “I don’t mind if we stay apart for a while. You need your life to be stable before you can make that decision.”
During our second counselling session, he told the pastor he had a confession to make. My heart started beating faster. He started, “I believe what I’m going to say won’t spoil anything but rather make our love stronger.”
My knees started getting weaker. “Go on. Say it. What is it? What have you done?” I inquired.
He said, “I had issues with my travel documents, so when I went back, I was arrested and later deported. I’ve been in Ghana since, but I couldn’t tell her the truth because I was working hard to find another country to travel to.”
While he was talking, I got up and left the room. My pastor chased after me. He said I should sit and listen to the end before I walked away. I was in tears. “Why these lies?” I asked. He knelt down and asked me to forgive him and go ahead with the wedding. “I’m very close to a breakthrough. I will travel to Italy right after the wedding.”
I left the counselling room more confused than I’d ever been, but one thing was for sure. I knew I wasn’t going to go ahead with the wedding. He came begging every day. The annoying thing was when he said I shouldn’t let anyone know. “How will I keep such a thing to myself?” I asked him. I told my parents first and then my brothers. They were disappointed, but they didn’t make a decision for me. When I told them I wasn’t going ahead with the wedding, they nodded.
His family visited my family. They said since he had eventually admitted the truth, I should forgive him. I smiled and walked away from them.
My boyfriend called repeatedly, sometimes crying and sometimes pleading. He promised that there would be no more lies. I was frank with him. I said, “No, I won’t go ahead. We need to cancel this and restart our lives again. This won’t work.”
When he realised that I was serious about cancelling the wedding, his behaviour changed. He started threatening me. He warned me about the consequences of embarrassing him and letting everyone know what had happened. He said, “You know this because of the marriage. If you put it out there for me to become a laughing stock, don’t blame me for whatever happens to you.”
I asked, “Are you threatening me? You lied through your teeth, and you’re here bold enough to threaten me?”
I quickly made a report at the police station. I also informed my brothers.
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My brothers came to stay with me for several days. Their presence made me feel safer and also stopped him from coming around. Eventually, two weeks before the wedding, I informed our families and the people involved in the preparations that the wedding would no longer take place.
It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I switched off my phone and disappeared for days to avoid the unnecessary questions. The day I made the announcement, he rushed to my place. Maybe he was coming to fight. When he met my brothers, he told them he had things in my room to pick up. I gathered them and sent them to him at the door.
My elder brother warned him to stay away from me. He looked at me sternly and walked away.
That was the end of us.
—Emelia
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