We are three children, two boys and a girl. I’m the second born. Our elder brother has always been our parents’ favourite, especially our father’s. My father named him after his own father, and that’s where the special treatment started.

Growing up, we all knew our brother occupied a different position in the family. If we did something wrong, we were punished. If he did the same thing, our parents found an explanation for his behaviour. When there was something to share, he got the best portion. When he made a mistake, we were expected to understand.

My brother is now forty years old, and he’s the only one among us who hasn’t been able to establish himself. He still lives with our parents.

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I’m not saying that living with your parents at forty is a crime. I know life doesn’t work out the same way for everybody, but my brother has had opportunities. The problem is what he does with them.

Some years ago, I found him a job in Accra. I spoke to someone I knew, pleaded on his behalf, and eventually got him employed. I helped him settle in Accra and did everything a younger brother would do for his elder brother. Four months later, he left the job.

He didn’t resign. He simply stopped going to work and returned home. I found out when the person who employed him called me. I was so embarrassed. When I confronted my brother, he told me life in Accra was too difficult. According to him, transportation, feeding, and other expenses were consuming his salary.

My father defended him. He told me that if the salary wasn’t enough to sustain my brother, there was no point in forcing him to continue.

Some time later, my brother told us he wanted to start a business. Our family house is close to an area where there are several fitting shops. Mechanics operate there, and people are always looking for engine oil, spare parts, and other vehicle accessories.

My brother said he had studied the area and believed selling engine oil and spare parts would be profitable. For once, I thought he had found something practical. I discussed it with our younger sister, and we agreed to support him.

We put together a substantial amount of money and gave it to him to start the business. For the first few months, he gave us encouraging reports. Then the excuses started. Sometimes, he said customers were buying on credit. Other times, he complained that prices had increased and he needed more capital. Eventually, the business collapsed.

We told him we couldn’t continue giving him money if he wasn’t prepared to go through the hustle to make things work. My parents didn’t like that conversation. My father said we were humiliating our brother. “Don’t you know he’s your elder brother? You’re going to use his face to mop the floor because the business didn’t work?”

Out of the blue, my brother found a chance to travel abroad. According to him, everything was set. All he needed was the money involved. He told our parents that if he could raise the money, his life would change.

My parents called a family meeting and told us about “the life-changing opportunity” that had come my brother’s way. My mom said, “You two have to come together and contribute to make it possible for him.” My dad added, “After this, I don’t think he will rely on you ever again.”

My sister didn’t allow them to breathe before telling them she had nothing to contribute. I asked my father whether we had considered how my brother would survive abroad. This was someone who had complained that life in Accra was too difficult and abandoned a job after four months. How was he going to cope in a foreign country where he might face more demanding working conditions, unfamiliar systems, and very cold weather?

I said I didn’t have any money to contribute.

He said, “Then go for a loan. He’ll pay it back once he gets there.”

I explained that I already had outstanding bank loans and couldn’t afford another one. All this while, my brother was standing there, watching his parents do the talking for him. At forty years old, he couldn’t even speak for himself. My sister concluded that she had no money to throw away, and she left the meeting. My father said my sister was jealous that my brother was going to overtake her in life. He asked me, “How about you? Your sister didn’t do it, so you won’t also do it?”

I asked whether he expected me to go deeper into debt simply because my elder brother wanted to travel. I also left the meeting.

Eventually, my brother couldn’t raise the required amount, and the travel opportunity passed. My father never forgave us.

Recently, I bought myself a car. Something I’d saved for five years to be able to afford.

Then my father called. He said, “So you had money to buy a car, but when your brother needed money to travel, you said you didn’t have money?”

I explained that buying the car was something I had planned for and worked towards for many years. He said, “Your brother is sitting at home without anything to do, and you’re buying cars. What kind of brother are you?”

Since then, he hasn’t been answering my calls. I called him several times during the first week. He declined every call. My sister said, “You too, you worry yourself paaa. If he won’t pick, leave him.”

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When I called my mother, she also said, “You know why he’s angry. Just do something meaningful for your brother, and your dad will be fine.”

I’ve reached a point where I’ve decided to stop sending money to my parents. My brother lives with them. He’s also their son. He can take it from here since he’s the only one they see worth in. I’m not going to spend my adult life raising another man who should have known better for himself.

Soon, I will marry. I will have children and have bigger problems. That should make me more worried than a brother who wants to continue picking up food from the spoon of his parents.

They can all rot for all I care.

I tried.

—Anthony  

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