If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

There were so many concerns when the story was published, and they did not make it any easier for me to make a decision. Instead, they got me thinking even more about my wife and my dad.

You see, my mum is no more, and neither is my wife’s mum. Her father lives far away from us, but my dad is the closest to us, living just three towns away. So, he visits to see the grandchildren a lot. I want to do everything possible to maintain a healthy relationship with both my dad and my wife because, lately, it seems my wife is uncomfortable with my dad being around.

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Yes, my dad will usually come to our place and knock on the door, and it shouldn’t be a problem if you look at the fact that she sells drinks in the house. If customers come to buy drinks from her, how are they supposed to knock on the door too? Mind you, our place is not gated, and I am not financially capable of hiring a helping hand or a gateman, even if we had a gate right now.

I have asked my wife what my dad has done to offend her, but she says he has not offended her at all. All she says is that my dad is a difficult person, “n’asɛm yɛ den”. But how exactly is he a difficult person? I honestly cannot see it. Is it because he is my dad that I do not see what she sees?

But even if he is difficult, should she not find a way around it, like she would for her own father. How could someone who stood up for you become a problem in your eyes? On our wedding day, when her own father failed to show up, my dad was the one who stood up for her. Her father was almost a deadbeat father. He did not take up the responsibility to cater for her basic needs or her university education. Because her father is distant both in location and in her life, I really hoped she would build a warm, healthy, fatherly bond with my dad instead. And they did, until now. Don’t you think my wife should rather have a healthy bond with my dad?

Things were not always like this. Even when I am around, my dad visits only occasionally. He does not come every day, every week, or even that often. In the past, if he visited while I was at home, my wife would serve him food without any problem. She was very free with him, and they’d sit and chat.

Then, something changed. I cannot tell when it started or what brought it about, but one day, my dad visited, and my wife asked me to serve him instead.

I had to go into the kitchen, grind the pepper, and serve my own father his food. I did not act suspiciously or show any sign of frustration so my dad wouldn’t notice the change. My dad is not even the kind of person who comes to our house expecting to be fed. Sometimes, we do not even remember to ask him if he has eaten, and he will never ask us for food either. He understands my financial situation, so he goes out of his way not to put any pressure on me.

I am caught right in the middle. I do not want my wife to feel uncomfortable in her own home, but I cannot stand to watch my relationship with my dad fall apart.

Do you think my wife is missing something here? Or could it be that my dad is also missing something? Is there something about his behavior that I have failed to notice because he is my father? How can quench the tension between this two again?

—Ben

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