For years, I thought something was wrong with my body. I couldn’t understand why I hated being intimate with my husband. Sometimes, the mere thought of him touching me made me uncomfortable. I called myself frigid and blamed myself for the wrongs in my marriage. It took another man to make me understand that my body wasn’t the problem after all.

The first two years of my marriage were beautiful. My husband and I did almost everything together. We talked about our future, laughed at silly things and enjoyed each other’s company. I looked forward to seeing him after work, and whenever he travelled, I missed him terribly.

Then things started changing.

READ ALSO: At Eight Months Pregnant, My Husband Told Me to Leave His House

My husband became suspicious of almost everything I did. If he saw me smiling while chatting on my phone, he wanted to know who I was talking to. Sometimes he would snatch the phone from my hand and go through my messages. When he didn’t find anything, he accused me of deleting conversations.

I would ask, “What exactly are you looking for?”

He would say, “You think I’m stupid? I know what women can do.”

I wasn’t cheating on him. I didn’t even have anyone I was interested in. The problem was that my husband had stopped having meaningful conversations with me. Whenever I tried to talk to him about something bothering me, he either dismissed it or turned it into an argument. I gradually stopped telling him things.

Instead, I found happiness in conversations with friends. My husband saw that happiness and concluded that another man was responsible for it. Our house became a place where I had to explain myself constantly. If my phone rang, he wanted to know who was calling. If I didn’t answer immediately, he became suspicious. If I answered, he listened to my conversation and later questioned me about what I had said.

I stopped looking forward to his return from work. I stopped initiating conversations. Sometimes I would pretend to be asleep when I heard him coming into the bedroom because I didn’t have the strength for another argument.

That was when our problems with intimacy began. I was never in the mood. He would touch me, and I would pull away. Sometimes I told him I was tired. Other times I begged him to leave me alone. When I refused, he became aggressive. Sometimes he forced himself on me. Other times he beat me until I stopped resisting.

Our first child was conceived during that period. When I discovered I was pregnant, I hoped fatherhood would make him more patient and caring. Unfortunately, it didn’t.

After childbirth, my desire for intimacy disappeared completely. Whenever he approached me, I remembered the nights I had cried and begged him to stop. My body would become tense before he even touched me.

I didn’t understand why I was reacting that way. I started blaming myself. I even wondered whether I had developed some medical condition. Eventually, I went for counselling. The counsellor asked, “Has it always been like this?”

I told him no. He told me the problem was more psychological than physical. Then he said, “You can only be at your best when you forgive him.”

I didn’t understand what he meant. Our fights continued. Then one night, everything came to an end.

He had returned from a trip and wanted us to do it. I wasn’t in the mood. He became angry. I knew what was coming so I rushed to pick up our two-year-old son, who was sleeping nearby. I carried him and placed him on my chest. Then I told him, “Tonight, you have to do it with the two of us.”

He got furious and started beating me. I tried protecting our son, but the child was caught in some of the blows. He woke up crying, and that made me panic even more. I held him tightly and kept begging my husband to stop.

The following day, I packed our things and left the house. I didn’t go back again until our marriage eventually ended in divorce.

For two years after the divorce, I stayed away from relationships. I convinced myself that perhaps I wasn’t the kind of woman who could make a man happy in marriage. Whenever someone showed romantic interest in me, I found a reason to avoid the person.

Then I met Tom.

Tom is also divorced. He lives in the United States, and we met online. We talked about our previous marriages, our children, work and the things we wanted out of life. When I finally told him what happened in my previous marriage, he listened without making me feel ashamed.

Then he told me he wanted to come to Ghana to see the family and use the opportunity to meet me in person. I was happy but also nervous. I wondered whether our connection would be the same when we met physically.

When Tom arrived, everything felt natural. He made me laugh. He listened when I spoke, and that felt unusual. For a man to listen when I speak. A week after he had been here, he proposed.

My first marriage had taught me that people could change so I didn’t want to rush into anything. I said yes but kept pushing him away.

Then came our first intimate encounter. I was frightened. I had spent years believing that something was wrong with me. I wondered whether I would experience the same discomfort I had felt with my ex-husband.

Then he touched me and broke my defences. For the first time in years, I felt completely comfortable with a man. There was no fear. No tension. No feeling that I had to surrender my body to avoid an argument. I wanted to be there.

I remember lying beside him afterwards, wondering what had just happened. I nearly cried. Tom asked what was wrong.

I told him nothing was wrong. I was simply happy.

Since that day, I’ve discovered a part of myself I thought I had lost forever.

Tom is still in Ghana, and sometimes I’m the one initiating intimacy. I tease him that he has created a problem for himself because I don’t want to leave him alone. Recently, I asked him, “Tom, what am I going to do when you leave?”

What Caused The Breakup Between You And Your Ex?

He laughed and said, “Just marry me, and we won’t have to go our separate ways.”

I said I would marry him. He asked, ‘Are you sure of what you’re saying? I answered, “What’s the worst that could happen?”

He’ll leave in a month. According to him, he will return to Ghana in six months, and when he does return, we can get married. He has told my parents about it, even when I’d told him to leave that conversation to me, he went ahead and told them.

When he leaves, I will miss him terribly. I’m praying that everything works out. I’ve already experienced a marriage where I cried more than I smiled. I’ve spent nights blaming myself for things I couldn’t control. This is my second chance at love, and every day I pray that it will become my happy ever after.

—Lizzy 

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

******