There’s this lady I have been courting for some time now. She’s an amazing woman, and I feel connected to her, so I made my intentions clear to her from the word go. Getting her attention was one of the hardest things I have had to do, but my consistency and perseverance eventually broke down her walls, and she started giving me attention. The first time she actually responded to my message with more than just a cold, one-word reply, my soul broke into a dance.
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We met, and the physical attraction was there.
So, we agreed to take things further, and we have been vibing ever since.
We have discussed and planned a lot about our future together, and we cannot wait to start our lives together. We talk about almost anything lovers can talk about. There are no secrets between us, and we never go a day without hearing from each other. Even though we live far apart, our communication makes it feel like we are under the same roof.
I have been good to her from day one, treating her like a real gentleman, and she knows it. She has shown her appreciation, too. In fact, she has mentioned to some of her siblings how lucky she is to have me in her life. She has even said before that being in a relationship feels unreal to her.
The problem is that she has started giving me a cold attitude, and it has left me confused and frustrated. All my efforts to draw her attention to the change in her behaviour have been unsuccessful. She does not care. My emotions do not seem to matter, and I feel like my voice is not being heard. I feel neglected, as if I do not exist.
It is beginning to feel like if I stop showing up, the relationship will crumble, and that is the last thing I want. Relationships work when two people want them to work and strive towards making them work. But I don’t think we are on the same page.
She thinks nothing is wrong with the way things are going, and when I try to talk to her about it, she calls me “a nagging man.” That name even infuriates me more.
She has not been able to give me the reassurance I need. She is not even ready to commit herself enough for me to hold her accountable for her words.
What should I do next? Are there ladies who behave this way, or could there be something I am not aware of? I keep wondering whether her feelings have changed, whether she has become too comfortable with my presence, or whether there is something else going on that she is not telling me.
The reality is that I am now being careful with my emotions, my time, and especially the support I give her. I do not want to get hurt and end up becoming bitter towards her if things do not go as planned.
I still care about her, but I also know that I cannot keep pouring into a relationship that leaves me feeling empty.
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I need honest opinions from readers because I am not new to relationships, but this particular one is taking a psychological toll on me. I want to know if I am expecting too much from her or if I am right to be concerned about the direction things are taking.
Should I keep trying to make this work, give her space to figure out what she wants, or step back before I become too emotionally invested in something that may never work out?
— Edem
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This is a type of disonance, i cant remember the appropriate term. You are feeling this way because the effort you are putting in this relationship is more than what the lady is putting in. And so naturally you will feel frustrated.
The cure to this is to reduce the level of effort you put into the relationship, and soon you will start feeling better. However if you dont reduce your effort, you will soon feel frustrated and may react negatively because this frustration may get out of hand.
Your feelings do not mean the girl has something against you, she may simply be very busy, or has a laid back personality. Most importantly she may love you very much, people express love in different ways.
Have a conversation about things without nagging or complaining. Too much complaints or emotion will destroy your relationship. Also try face to face meetups once in a while, it helps
I’ve had such experience with a lady. It was the first time I fell in love. She broke my heart, and it was so painful. I can’t give the details now, it’s long story. But take this from me. When a woman is in love with you in a relationship, you won’t beg her for attention, She just yields it. If at this point you’re still not getting it from her, She’s not prioritising what both of you share. …then I would advice you to cut her off. I know you love her, but leaving her now would prevent a very bitter heartbreak coming your way soon.