When my wife was three months pregnant, she cheated on me with her boss. She told me about her boss and how he liked her when he was transferred to her office. I told her he was new, so she should wait and see if he would continue to like her as time went by.

She would come home early from work and say it was her boss who allowed her to leave early to come and take care of her husband. When she was late from work, she would tell me it was her boss who had given her a little too much to do. I understood her and didn’t question her in any way.

Soon, she stopped talking about him until I brought him up. She still talked fondly about him and had only good things to say about this boss.

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Then she got pregnant.

The initial stages of the pregnancy were very hard for her. She was always feeling weak and went to work very late. She told me her boss understood her condition and allowed her.

God being so good, she carried the pregnancy successfully to term.

The day she was in the labour ward, she gave her phone to me. When the phone rang and it was someone I knew, I answered. A message came in from Suzzy, our mutual friend. She said, “How is it going? Has the baby arrived?”

After reading the message, I attempted to answer and make a joke out of it. Then I saw my wife’s archived messages.

She had archived over 700 messages. That caught my attention, and I decided to check who and who had been archived there. Her boss was one of the chats in the archive. Their last chat was over two months ago.

I went through it just to see what they talked about, and then I saw the message.

It happened in the boss’s office one late evening when they were the only people left in the office. Some of the messages had been deleted, but one line stood out for me.

My wife said, “This is an accident that should never happen again. My hormones played on me.”

And the boss, somewhere along the line, also said, “This is my first time with a pregnant woman.”

I checked the date and did the maths.

My wife was clearly three months pregnant when it happened.

I started shaking.

I didn’t know whether I should enter the ward and question her while she was struggling to deliver. I paced up and down until the nurse came out and told me, “You had a girl.”

I couldn’t even smile. She gave me permission to go in, though she said my wife was sleeping, but I didn’t go. I stood outside pacing up and down until tears started falling. My mother-in-law came around and asked if the baby had arrived and why I was still standing outside. I went in with her and saw the baby.

While my mother-in-law was busy talking about how cute the baby was, I was inspecting her to see if she had something that wasn’t mine. I avoided eye contact with my wife throughout the visit. Even when she mentioned my name, I looked away. When my mother-in-law left, I asked in a low but firm voice, “Is this baby mine or is it for your boss? I read the messages.”

Then I left the ward.

I wasn’t going to suffer alone carrying the news I had just discovered. I gave her a piece of it to carry so she could also suffer under the weight. She called my phone several times and even asked her mom to call me, but I didn’t pick up. When her mom came home, she asked me what was going on, and I told her she should have asked her daughter that.

She said, “She has been crying. She was telling the nurses to discharge her so she could come home. What did you tell her?” I didn’t respond to her mom and didn’t go there again until she was discharged and came home.

She confessed.

She said it happened out of the blue and happened only once when she was already pregnant.

“I don’t know what came over me. I swear he didn’t even see the colour of my panty. It wasn’t even intimate. Since then, I cut him off. Please forgive me.”

She had already told her mom everything that day.

Her mom told me, “It’s a bad time to bring this up. She has been crying, so her breasts haven’t produced milk for the baby. Please calm down, and let’s resolve this as soon as possible for the sake of the baby.”

I walked out.

I went out to cry more. The fact that I would plant a seed for someone else to water made me feel so small.

Out of rage, I wanted to go and attack her boss. I even took a car to the office, but midway, sense found me and I stopped.

As her mother indicated, for the sake of the baby, I had to calm down.

For a whole week, she didn’t have milk to give to the baby. I told her I would learn to forgive, but it wasn’t going to be easy. I also told her to take her mind off everything and focus on the baby.

In my mind, I was playing it calm while thinking of how to divorce her.

But as the days went by and I watched her go through the struggle with the baby, the sleepless nights and the times the baby cried and she had to wake up and feed her, I grew sympathetic towards her.

She grew very lean and lost a lot of weight. Yet, I thought women gave birth and grew fat. Not my wife. The event really shook her to the bone.

For several months, she couldn’t look me in the eyes. She addressed me using “please” in every sentence.

When I thought of divorcing her, my heart said no and my mind said yes.

It was our first major storm since marriage, and I thought forgiving her was the right thing to do.

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I called my mother-in-law and asked if she had told anyone else about the cheating. She shook her head slowly as if she was scared of me.

I said, “Please let it remain within the three of us. We will make it work.”

Our girl is learning to walk and brings a lot of smiles to us, but it’s still a very long road to forgiveness. The vista merges with the horizon of doubt, but I wake up each day and tell myself all I have to do is forgive.

Sharing this story is part of the healing process for me. It means I’m not carrying the weight of the incident alone. I’m spreading it anonymously so it becomes lighter.

We’ll get there. One step at a time.

—Abrantie

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