My husband has a hernia. His is very severe. It descends into his scrotum and gets so big that he can hardly walk. All he does is visit the toilet and cry out in pain. For several days, he wouldn’t be able to do anything until he takes his medicine for it to shrink, only for it to come back another day.

He has gone to the hospital several times, and several times he’s been told he has to undergo surgery. He hears surgery and runs away. Not that he doesn’t have the money to do it. He tells me he’s scared he might die during the surgery, but I know what he’s actually scared of: that he would become impotent after the surgery. That’s his biggest fear, though he’s been advised that nothing of that sort would happen.

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When we first got married, he didn’t have it. Life was good, and our intimate life was also very good. He had a great appetite for intimacy, and I always availed myself to him. I never said no once or even gave him excuses. When he wanted it morning, afternoon, and evening, I was ready to take it all.

Then he started talking about marrying another woman. I was pregnant then and was dealing with my own pregnancy blues. I thought it was a joke just to get me to do it even when I was not well. He said he’d realized I was struggling to contain his desires, so he wanted another woman to split the burden.

I begged him not to. I told him I could be enough for him. Not knowing he had already discussed it with his family, and they had gone to see the other lady’s family. Our culture and religion allow him to have a second wife, but I thought we wouldn’t get there. It was always going to be me.

I was very disappointed when I found out how far he’d gone with the other lady. We fought about it. I told him I would never forgive him for doing that to me, especially when I was pregnant. We went several months without relating well with each other. I told a few people I would leave the marriage once my baby was weaned.

My husband went ahead with the marriage. What hurt me the most was that the ceremony was bigger than ours. It became the talk of the community. My friends called to ask if all was well. I cried, but my tears couldn’t undo what had been done.

A few months after the marriage, he started experiencing this severe hernia. The beginning was terrible. I thought he was going to die from the way he cried out in pain and the way his scrotum got bigger. When he was diagnosed and was told what to do, his family took him to a herbalist to heal him.

This herbalist convinced my husband that his situation was spiritual. My husband accused me of bewitching him because he married another woman. I even laughed about it. “Me? I’d rather bewitch myself to get money than do that to you. What do I gain?”

So the hernia would come and go. Then I noticed this pattern. Whenever the hernia descends and his scrotum gets bigger, he spends his days with me. I would nurse him back to health again, only for him to go to his second wife when he gets better.

Our intimate life has suffered greatly because of this. I was the woman who had it three times a day. These days, I have to beg, nag, and cry before I get even one. He’ll stay with me and do nothing. Even when the hernia isn’t out, he tells me his penis is paining him.

As I write this, his second wife is pregnant. How did she get pregnant when he’s been telling me his thing has been paining him? Anytime we fought or had a disagreement, he would accuse me of being behind his suffering. And I know it’s because of that reason he’s staying away from me.

I haven’t seen him for over two weeks now. He’s well. He can walk and can go to work. He’s usually a happy man in this state, and I will never see him, but once the hernia visits, he brings his miserable self here. I’m the nurse. I have to go through the worst, and the other woman gets the best of him.

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I’m leaving the marriage for them. I’ve told my parents about it. They didn’t support the second marriage idea and are already angry with him. They don’t have a problem with me coming back home. When I told them what I’ve been going through since he married the second wife, my dad said, “He has options. How do you expect him to treat you?”

I’ve put my room in my parents’ house in order. I’m waiting patiently for his scrotum to become swollen and for him to come back home. That very day is the day I will tell him our marriage is over and leave. He should serve those swollen balls to his second wife. I wasn’t born to care for a hernia while she enjoys him on his good health days.

—Memuna

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