My ex’s wife called me and said, “Stop calling my husband every day. He’s a married man, so don’t use your child as an excuse to get back to him.”

As she said, I have a child with her husband, so anytime we talk, it’s because of the child and nothing else. When we broke up, we agreed amicably that we were going to take care of the child together. At that time, this woman was not even in the picture.

When he started dating her, he told me about it, and I wished him well. When he wanted to marry her, he told me about it and even invited me to the wedding, but I didn’t go. I wished him well too. At no point did I feel any jealousy towards his decisions. I’d moved on and was only concentrating on how to raise our child well.

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We were not friends. We just respected each other enough to know that the fact that we couldn’t marry didn’t mean we were enemies or that the child we have should suffer for our mistakes.

Before he got married, we didn’t use to talk often. He paid the monthly child support on time, and when the child was sick and I told him, he came to pay the bills and also stayed with us for a while. Everything was smooth, so I had no reason to be on the phone with him.

When he got married, things changed a bit. The money didn’t come until I called. When the child was sick and I called, he gave excuses. He didn’t pay school fees until I called and called, forcing me to call him at night, something I never did at first.

He explained to me that things were not as good as they used to be, and I understood him. We could go three months without any money from him, and when he paid something, he would only pay for one month. He was always owing me arrears, but we didn’t fight. I didn’t complain or call him names. He had been good before, so if things changed, then there might be a good reason for the change.

I told his wife, “Why are you telling me when you could have told him?” She responded, “You’re the one always calling him. I’m telling you he’s married. Just stop it.”

I called my ex and asked if he knew what his wife had done. He tried to calm me down. I wasn’t even angry. He told me to give him some time to fix the issue. A few days later, his wife texted me, “From now onwards, I’m the one in charge of the child. Don’t call my husband. Call me instead.”

The old me would have fought with her or exchanged words with her, but I remained calm and instead called my ex. I asked if he was aware of the new arrangements and if he was cool with it. He answered, “I just want peace, so if this would bring peace, then why not?”

So every month, when the amount was delayed, I called her, “Our wife, the money hasn’t come ooo. What’s happening?”

Sometimes she would pay immediately. Other times, she would ask for a week, and I would have to call her again. And then she would send the money.

The child’s school fees were due, and I called her, “Our wife, school fees oo, what’s happening?”

I was always jovial with her even though she tried to play tough with me. Two weeks passed, and she still hadn’t paid. I called again and again and again. She stopped picking up my calls, so I added dawn calling to it too. I would call at 2 a.m. or 4 a.m.

I did that for two weeks, and she called me angrily, “I don’t have a child with you. Stop worrying me!”

I laughed. “Were you not the same person who said I should call you? What changed?”

“Then why are you calling me at dawn? Don’t you sleep? Because of your child, we shouldn’t have peace in our home?”

I called my ex and asked what the way forward was. He answered, “I will handle it.”

And he did handle it in a few days. I told him I didn’t want to call him again only for his wife to call and warn me, so he should fix his home and allow me to also have my peace.

What Caused The Breakup Between You And Your Ex?

All was well when I stopped calling his wife. Money didn’t come on time, but I knew he would pay. Only for his wife to call me again a few days ago to warn me to stop fleecing her husband, “Because of that single child of yours, we don’t eat to our satisfaction in this house. Can’t you take care of your child? Is he not your child too?”

At this moment, I don’t know what to do. I’ve been very respectful towards her for so long because of the respect I have for my ex, but I feel she’s crossing boundaries now. So I want to take the issue to court and let the law demand what’s rightfully mine. On the other hand, I feel that will affect my ex negatively and put more pressure on him.

What do you say I do?

—Miriam

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