I am a mother of three, and I never thought I would be typing out my private business like this, but I need outside perspective right now. The people closest to me are too close to give it to me straight.
I have an 8-year-old son and a 4-year-old daughter from my previous marriage, and that marriage ended because it had to end. I counted my losses and moved on, and when love came around again, I gave it a chance. Last year in May, I got married, and today we have a 7-month-old baby together.
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Let me get straight into it. To be honest, this marriage has been a lot in the short time we have been together. Sorrows, tears, pain, and short-lived happiness. There have been several issues, including situations concerning my two older children.
My older children live with me and my husband, but when the problems involving them became too much to bear, I packed their bags and sent them to the village for a while and returned to save my marriage. If we aren’t quarreling about that, then it is something else. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions in this marriage.
My first marriage did not work, and I have made peace with that a long time ago. But in this second marriage, I told myself I was going to fight for it. I was going to be more patient, communicate better, pick my battles, and do whatever it took to make it last.
But recently, I have been rethinking the vow I made to this marriage.
My husband has been involved with teenage girls and young women around me. This is not something I heard as a rumor. The girls involved have personally confirmed what happened to me.
My 19-year-old nanny is one of them, a girl who lives in my house and helps raise my children.
A close colleague and friend of mine is another one. And there is also a young girl I have always treated like my little sister, someone I watched grow up.
These are my friends, acquaintances, and people I trust, people I would have never imagined my husband would approach in that way. I mean, why try to cheat on our vows with people this close to me?
By the time the second girl reported my husband to me, I was slowly checking out of the trust I had in him. I don’t even think I trust him at all anymore. That is why I am worried for my daughter.
She is only 4 years old. Since she is not his biological child, that makes me even more worried. I am afraid of leaving her in the house even as I go to get a bag of water from Davis’ store. I keep asking myself how I can confidently leave my daughter alone with a man whom I no longer trust around young girls.
I know some people may say that I am thinking too far ahead or that nothing has happened to my daughter. But as a mother, I don’t want to wait for something to happen before I take my concerns seriously.
I also have a 7-month-old son with this man, so this decision is not easy for me. I am not pretending that leaving will be simple. There are children involved, emotions involved, and a whole marriage that I once believed in.
But honestly, I have reached the point where I feel I need to leave this marriage completely.
I don’t want to stay, ignore what I have already seen and heard, and years later find myself saying, “I saw the signs, but I chose to stay.”
So I am asking people who have genuinely experienced difficult marriages or similar situations:
If you were in my shoes, what would you do? Would you continue trying to save the marriage after losing this level of trust, especially when you have a young daughter in the home? What if he tries it with her? What if he is waiting for her?
Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?
For those who have left marriages under difficult circumstances, what do you wish you had known before making that decision?
And for those who chose to stay, how did you rebuild trust after something like this?
I have already come to the conclusion that I want to quit the marriage and move out completely. But before I take that final step, I would genuinely appreciate advice from people who have been through something similar.
— Angela
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Madam,
Your concerns are very valid.Most men and evem women prey on vulnerables in the society and that is why your husband seems to be preying on the young ladies around you.Its a very sad reality and the only way to prevent such is to completely remove your daughter from harm’s way.It happened to me a long time ago, though mine wasnt my child, but a help less than 14.When the incident became common knowledge i almost went berserk,because i could have been ready to swear on his behalf that he was a saint.It was the young girl who went to report the matter to our Pastor, crying that she was tired of the incessant demand for sex from my husband and that i had been good to her and she felt bad about it and was literally tired.He always pounced on her at night when he had confirmed i was deep in sleep.The most you can do now is take your daughter out of that house to a place where you are very certain she wouldnt be abused.Even uncles abuse their nieces, its a tough world we are in.I left my marriage then for a few years but returned and had to put certain decisions in place so avoid a repeat performance and this has helped the marriage greatly.You cannot keep Yams where there is a Goat, the Goat will certainly ravish the Yam.A word is enough for the wise.
Marriage is good but it’s not a prerequisite for heaven. In heaven there’s no Marriage, but the relationship between parents and children remain. Instead of sucking up to a pedophile just to keep a marriage, choose that daughter of yours, who already loves you more than this husband of yours. I’ve seen vulnerable daughters in similar situations detest their mothers for choosing a full grown man/ marriage over them.