We have been friends for close to a decade now. In fact, she was my junior in junior high school then. I used to stand outside with the other seniors and punish those who came late, if she was amongst the latecomers that day. I’d give them something as little as picking up rubbish from outside the compound as their punishment.

If I was standing in a queue to buy Ellen’s mammy’s food, I’d give her my space. We said “hi, how are you.” That was all there was to us. We weren’t even that close. Just someone I respected and gave grace to. Nothing out of the normal.

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But about four or so years ago, we became friends through some unforeseen circumstance. And she is not just my friend, she is a very good friend of mine that I can call on for help and vice versa.

The problem is that this girl knows that I like her very much. I have never hidden it from her. I am as loud as I can be about my love for her. I write her poems, I recite them over the phone if need arises, but she doesn’t care at all.

I am most pained at what I’d rather call her irrational attitude of acting like my girlfriend. “Why didn’t you call? My love, when are you coming to see me? Is it possible we see today? I’d expect your call after work today. Hey babe, hi sweetheart.”

We talk a lot on the phone, talk literally about anything. Politics, love, school, work, children, babies. You know how conversations flow easily when you are with someone you love, yes, that.

Some days, when we are talking about love, and I try my luck to ask, “What about us? Why don’t you want us to date?” She starts going silent. She’d stay silent, and all you’d hear is her breathing. Sometimes, she thinks she is sly enough, so she changes the subject, but I see through her antics. Then I feel like it is one-sided.

Some many times, she stopped talking to me just because I told her I like her and she must reconsider it. She just told me she’s sleepy and wants to sleep. But she wasn’t sleepy when we were talking about the size of our Maths teacher’s head or whatever it was we were chit chatting about.

In the last two months, I haven’t brought up matters of the heart, so we are good. We are always on call, sometimes over an hour. During this time, everything feels like we are dating.

She has already told me she isn’t in any relationship. I believed that because of our constant communication, I was building something in her heart. It would take time, but it would bloom and she’d soon become my woman.

Just last week, I asked her if she does have any feelings for me after all. I mean, any feelings at all. And this girl screamed no! I wanted to cry on the phone, but they say men don’t cry over spilled milk, so I just kept it going.

For the past two years, I haven’t been chasing any girl oo. Only her. My heart, my soul, I have given it to her in my head. Hmm.

Right now, I feel like I must cut ties with her because I think I’m investing my time into what would never bear any fruits. But I want to keep her as a friend because she is intelligent and hardworking, and a go-getter. The more I keep her around, the more I develop feelings for her.

This time, I don’t want to continue putting myself through this mess. I also don’t want her to have the perception that I’ve stopped talking to her because she didn’t accept to be my girlfriend. Also, I don’t want to hang around a lady that I like but will never reciprocate my feelings. I feel I’m wasting my time.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

So in this case, what do I do? Cut her off or keep her as a friend?

— Ishmeal

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