In about five months, our relationship will turn seven years. That is because we started dating quite early. It was in our last year of the university that our friendship took a different turn, and we made lemonades out of lemons. From national service to applying for jobs from morning to evening, to not getting called, to not passing the initial stages of interviews and what now, we have been tough on each other, pushing each other to do beyond our limits.

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She found a job before me. A year after she got the job, I was still not doing anything. I would wake up, go to my mother’s shop to help with it, and she would pay me at the end of the month. But I am a man, and the money she gave me was not enough to even spend on my girlfriend or pay for the lifestyle I envisioned. So many times, my girlfriend has paid for our dates or my lifestyle. Before we enter, she gives me her card. If by any chance she forgets to hand me her card upon entering, she slides it over to the table so that I pay. I know she does it to make me feel comfortable and feel like a man. Never has she said it, but why else would she go to that extent?

Two years after unemployment, I got a job that did not align with where I wanted to go, but it was at least something that ensured that I joined the bus to work, so it was good. Then I took over the affairs of our relationship financially. Even then, I did not do it alone. If I sent her money for her hair, the next day she was sending money for my haircuts. My barber even knows her. This one, she goes with me and hands the money to the barber himself and says, “Thank you for making my man handsome.” I would blush, hold her hands, and we would take our leave. If my barber or any of his apprentices sees me outside without her, he’d talk and praise me for getting my hands on a good one. This has been an unspoken tradition in our relationship. I give, she multiplies and showers it upon us.

We have recently started talking about marriage. I have moved to a better-paying job, have the right investments and a business building up. My girlfriend, Afi, is doing well too. And we have been under pressure to marry, but I am having second thoughts about it.

I know with all the amazing things I have already mentioned, you would take her side already, but hear me out.

Afi has a terrible style of dressing, and over the years, she has gained an unreasonable amount of weight. I wouldn’t call her “obolo,” but yes, she is drawing near.

On Friday evenings, she drives to my end for the weekend. I try to mostly use the time to encourage her to take a walk with me, nothing too draining. She’d turn and turn on the bed till I am worn out myself, then leave for my own jogging. When we cook, I try to get her to do the calorie deficit thing I have been seeing on TikTok. I intentionally stock the fridge with high-fibre vegetables and fruits, proteins, less carbon, so we’d have no choice but to eat healthy rather than all of the high-fat-stacked food we’d been making. She yanks about me watching her food and how she doesn’t like it. It really hurts to see her complain. So, I have stopped being a weight police on her.

But slowly, and honestly, I am liking it so far. The weight gain is adding enough weight to her back and the front, which is good for me.

Now, unto the dressing. It is getting terrible. She is like an alte-dressing kind of girl. Even in her professional work, she finds a way to make it confusing and weird, but professionally too. Her boss doesn’t have a problem with it, so who am I to complain?

My problem is my mother. My mother knows she is my girlfriend, but that is all she thinks there is. She doesn’t think I will bring her home to marry. Yes, she is pressuring me to marry, but she is not expecting me to bring Afi as the woman I want to marry because of her style of dressing.

Again, that side of her has grown on me too, so I really have a problem like that, but my mother does. How do I prepare her for the meeting?

And how do I prepare myself?

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Attraction is important to me. Now, I am attracted to and accepting her like this. What if, if not next year, I don’t feel attracted to her anymore because she has gained more weight and her style of alte dressing has worsened by the year? What if, in the years to come, I start despising her? I don’t ever want to reach that phase.

So, please, help me figure this thing out. Is there anything I can do to help? I love her. That, I don’t doubt. And no one is flawless. I know it is her. She is my wife. Just please help me. Figure this thing out.

—RICHMOND

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