Two years ago, I bought a car. The first person who criticised me for buying it was my mother-in-law. She said I could have used the money to buy land and start building a house. I told her that day would come and that owning a car was also a necessity.

She still didn’t agree with me. Every morning when I started the engine, she would remind me that I’d wasted money. Whenever I came home with the car, she would remind me that a car wasn’t an asset and that I could have done something better with the money. I told my wife to talk to her mother and ask her to stop judging me for making a decision that benefited me and my family.

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My wife also supported her. She questioned why we didn’t have a house of our own but I had a car. I had saved for it. I bought it for the family. My kids needed to be driven to school. My workplace was far, and I had to take three different cars to get there, sometimes using Uber and spending a lot of money. Despite all the criticism, every morning, I drove the kids to school, dropped my wife close to her workplace, and then continued to work. Everyone benefited from the car, but my mother-in-law still saw nothing good in it.

So we ended up having this hot-and-cold relationship. I felt she was controlling my marriage through my wife, and I didn’t like it. But because she was helping with the kids, I didn’t complain much.

One evening, I was returning from work when I got to the door and overheard her telling my wife, “If you don’t start manipulating your husband like wives do, you’ll one day have nothing in this marriage. Make him listen to you. I don’t like how he does whatever he wants while you only watch.”

The moment I walked in, she went quiet. I didn’t greet or say hello. I walked straight into the bedroom, partly to let them know I had heard what she was saying. Later that night, I asked my wife, “What does your mom want from us? Why does she want you to manipulate me?” She chuckled and replied, “She doesn’t mean it in a bad way. A husband has to listen to his wife sometimes. That’s what she’s talking about.”

We argued. I told her she should be on my side if our marriage was going to work. That night, I told her I wanted her mother to leave the house, so I would bring in someone else to help with the kids. We argued all night. She thought I was overreacting. I thought she was being a foolish wife for listening to her mother.

The next evening, I returned from work, and my mother-in-law was waiting for me outside. She apologised and said she didn’t mean what she said in a bad way. I didn’t say anything back. Her apology wasn’t the real problem. The problem was that my wife had told her what we’d discussed privately in our bedroom.

My mother-in-law told me, “Had it not been for the kids, I would have left long ago. My husband left me a big house that I’m comfortable in. You can’t threaten to sack me as if I don’t have a place to go.” I still didn’t argue. I blamed my wife. From that day, I knew it was me against the two of them, so I became careful. I stopped saying much to my wife. I also stopped doing more than what a son-in-law should normally do.

I said less. I stayed in my corner whenever the two of them were happy, laughing and talking about things. All I had were the kids. Whenever I could, I played with them. Whenever I could, I kept them engaged. By all means, I stayed away from both women.

Then I got a scholarship for a master’s programme abroad. Before I told my wife, I warned her not to mention it to her mother. “When I’m leaving, I will find a way to inform her myself.” She nodded and even retorted that she wasn’t a child who needed to be warned before I told her anything. She was happy about the trip. I said I was going to return two years later. She said I should do everything possible to remain abroad so they could eventually join me there.

Just last week, I overheard my mother-in-law telling my wife, “Make sure he puts the car papers in your name before he leaves. That’s the only property you have. If you don’t, his family can come for it when he’s gone.”

I was shaking. I was so angry that I didn’t even enter the room. I just turned around and left the compound. I had asked my wife not to tell her mother, but clearly, I had only been fooling myself. She told her, and that woman immediately gave her a plan. I waited patiently for my wife to bring up the change of ownership, and she eventually did. After sex, while I was relaxing, she said, “The car. Don’t you think it should be in my name before you leave? I’m not saying it in a bad way, but that way, I’m sure it’s going to stay in the family.”

I responded, “I heard your mom advising you to tell me this. I was only hoping you wouldn’t actually bring it up, but look at me again, being a fool for trusting you. I’ll sell the car before I leave. Go and tell your mom I said I’ll sell it. Get out. Go and tell her.”

I pushed her out and closed the door. Now I’m rethinking this marriage and what its future will look like when I’m gone. I don’t trust my mother-in-law, and I don’t trust my wife either. Anything can go wrong, especially with the way my wife listens to her mother about everything.

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I have only two weeks left. I can’t sell the car within that time, and I don’t even want to. I want to send it to my mom, but the car also can’t remain parked for two years. And if I give it to my brother to use for two years, by the time I return, it may no longer feel like my car. I may come back and meet the ghost of it. But by all means, I don’t want to leave it with my wife and her mother.

What should I do? I don’t even know if I will still have this marriage once I’m gone. Everything already looks dark and seems to be falling apart, even while I’m still here. That woman in my house doesn’t have good intentions, but my wife doesn’t see it. By all means, I’ll do what benefits me and the kids, but what should I do about the car?

—Eugene

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