Our marriage had been long distance for a very long period of time before it reached a point where he said he was tired of not having his wife by his side, so he started working on his transfer so that we could be together. I liked it very much too. I finally got to have a real marriage. It was after he moved here that we were able to get pregnant and have our first child. We both had children before coming into this marriage, and we live together as a big, happy family. During the period we stayed together, living as husband and wife, I noticed how very secretive my husband is.

“Don’t touch the phone. Don’t touch the brown envelope,” and all of that. It didn’t bother me when he asked me not to go about checking his things. After all, what would I get? And I am that kind of person. I wasn’t until there were signs showing that there was more to his secret lifestyle.

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Every now and then, in the evenings, mornings, and at odd hours, a number would call my husband, and then he would rush to pick it up before I saw who the caller was. In the middle of the night, I would wake up to use the washroom and see the notifications flashing on his phone. Calls, texts, video calls.

On rare days, he would pick up the calls and walk out of the room where we both sat and go outside to answer. He would come back and tell me, “It is nothing that you have to worry about.”

I would nod my head in answer because I didn’t care, but deep down in me, I was as restless.

I found her. She is this one small girl with a five-year-old boy, learning how to sew in the town my husband used to work in before his transfer. I managed to get her number and called her to talk to her. “Why are you bent on destroying my marriage? Woman to woman, will you be happy if the tables were turned? Is this how you want to live your life that you are now starting?” I sold her stories about the repercussions of sleeping with a married man who leaves his pregnant wife in their bedroom and travels to come and sleep with you.

He found out that I had reached out to his side chick and came home to fight me, not to apologise and promise to change his behaviour. Rather, he was ready to fight me. He said things, but none of them boiled down to him being remorseful for his actions. “If you did not go looking for trouble, trust me, when I say trouble would not have found you. You like to know too much.”

It pained me so much that I cried for days. “If I stay here watching this, I will die.” So I packed my bags and left the house for him. He figured it was just a theatrical thing I was pulling to get him to apologise, until I called for both families to meet and start talking about dissolving the marriage.

But as expected, the families wanted to hear both sides and make peace between the two of us. He said his own. He even went down on his knees and apologised. He said that he would end the relationship with her. Even with the promise, he is still seeing her. I know because I have been watching him for a whole month.

He would say he was going to work, and he would go and spend the day or night with her. You would call him, and he would not mind, especially if he was with her. Recently, I was feeling sick and called him in the brink of dawn. Any other day, he would have picked, but he was with her. That is why.

His mother said that I should allow her son to breathe, that he is a man and is allowed to do as he pleases. My husband too said that the way I am feeling is my fault. I should not have gone digging for trouble. According to him, we would have been a perfect family.

So I have made a decision. I have decided to start living in a world where my husband is dead to me, and in this world, I will never be intimate with him again. As long as, he goes out to have fun. I will also go out to have fun. Besides, I’m a very beautiful lady. Even heavy with pregnancy, I still catch people’s attention. I will be delivering in a month’s time. I want to heal quickly and start paying him back with his own coin.

But do you suggest I end the marriage because of all I have been through? I honestly do not know if I should stay, but with conditions.

I have no iota of love for him again. His appearance disgusts me. The things he does when he comes out of the bathroom, when he stands by the door itching his private part, and his black inner thighs. I want to vomit when I see him.

I don’t want to mention divorce because his mum said all men are the same and it rains everywhere. What can I do to make him divorce me or break our marriage? I cannot stay in a marriage where my husband asks me what my problem is because the side chick isn’t dragging position with me. She is at her side, and I should also focus on my side.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

I know he will always protect and prioritise his side chick, and I am tired of it.

He doesn’t abuse me. He is an absolutely amazing father to our child. He provides for our needs. But I do not think I can continue. It is very draining having to be in this kind of situation. Sometimes I have to remember to take deep breaths to remind myself that I am here on earth. My heart cannot take it. I really can’t. See, I am confused.

—Perfect

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