My wife and I have a beautiful one-year-old child together. We are happy some days; on some days we are constantly fighting. Our marriage has a problem. A recurring problem that I don’t fully understand.

My wife seems deeply fixated on the idea that I’m cheating on her, even though I’m not. I’m not sure whether to call it insecurity, suspicion, or something else entirely, but it has become a constant reason why we are not enjoying our marriage.

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It all started when she went through my phone. She came across a conversation with a lady who occasionally supplies drinks to our office. We used to text about the kind of beverages I wanted or what the boys in the office wanted, when she could come, how the delivery would get to us on time if she couldn’t make it, and sometimes just to confirm that she had received payments. We hadn’t texted in a while on the day my wife saw the messages. The lady had sent me a message, and I responded, “You miss me, abi?” She sent a laughing emoji and a sticker, made some light-hearted jokes, and we said our goodbyes.

Ewura, my wife, saw it and confronted me. She didn’t do it calmly. She threw a fit while talking. She kept saying things like, “You are flirting with another woman. You are cheating on me. What did I do to you to deserve this?” and so on and so forth.

From that day until now, it has become an anthem in our bedroom, kitchen, and living room. Any small thing I do, she says, “Abi you are seeing other women.” I can’t take it. I have proven my innocence many times. I even tried calling the lady to prove myself, but we didn’t get that far.

Slowly, we moved past that day.

But then another problem came up. During one time when we were having sex, she tried to role-play as the same woman from the conversation. I stopped and asked her what she was doing. She said she was trying to shake things up a bit. “By trying to act like another woman?” She nodded yes and said that she enjoyed it this way.

I found it distasteful and disturbing too. Maybe the message she saw triggered something in her, so I spoke to her about it. But again, it didn’t matter. I spoke once, twice, many times, but she was still doing it. So I stopped complaining and played along.

I thought we had moved past the issue.

This month, my wife decided to surprise me with a visit to my office. I was excited to show her around. But when she arrived, she found me sitting with a female colleague who also happens to be my course mate.

We were discussing lectures I had missed over the weekend and preparing for assessments we had scheduled for the following week.

She acted all sweet and nice. She said hi to her and to a few of my colleagues, but I knew from the change in her face that she had already started making scenes in her head. And that is what is happening right now.

As I am writing this, my marriage is in hell. I have spent weeks apologizing, explaining, and trying to reassure her, but she won’t let it go. She has gone back to the things she does. She seizes every opportunity to bring it up, talk about how she feels disrespected by me, that I have broken her trust, and that I am cheating on her again.

She has even started threatening to do “her own” and tells me that when I eventually see her doing it, I shouldn’t complain.

Do you know I have never cheated on my wife? I have no intention of cheating on her. I admit that I may not always have the best boundaries, and perhaps some of my actions can be misunderstood, but I have remained faithful to my marriage.

At this point, I’m exhausted and confused. I really love my wife, and I want our marriage to work. More than anything, I want her to understand that despite her fears and suspicions, I have never been unfaithful to her.

Who Would You Choose, A Rich Man Or A Man Who’s Good In Bed?

Tell me, how can I make her see my side of the story? How can I help her understand that there is absolutely nothing on earth that can make me cheat on her? I love her. Her only. I see her only. Other women look like trees to me because of her. I understand that she is angry and tense, but surely there is a way to get her suspicions about me cheating out of the way.

—Mensah

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