Every night, when the urge to be intimate comes, I hold myself back, walk to the bathroom with my phone, and help myself out. Sometimes, I do it in the room when my wife isn’t around. It’s not that she doesn’t know what’s happening. She is aware. Maybe she knows. Maybe she doesn’t. Maybe she just doesn’t care enough to do anything about it.

It started right after our marriage. The pastors advised us to explore each other before children started coming. People said the same thing during our engagement too. It wasn’t even something that needed to be said. I mean, it was inevitable, right? After marriage, knowing you finally have the freedom to enjoy each other as husband and wife, you naturally expect that part of your relationship to come alive.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, and I started noticing something about Nora, my wife. Whenever I tried to get close to her, she pulled away. I would try again, and she would push me off. She didn’t even mind me sleeping at the very edge of the bed so I wouldn’t touch her or try anything else.

FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP CHANNEL TO RECEIVE ALL STORIES IN YOUR INBOX

Of course, I spoke to her about it, but it didn’t end well. We don’t see eye to eye on these things. Sex, pleasure, desire, intimacy. I didn’t need the eyes of a prophet to tell me that, to her, sex had become something she did out of responsibility rather than enjoyment. There is a big difference, and that wasn’t what I wanted. It was something we were supposed to enjoy together.

Also, I knew this because whenever I tried to initiate intimacy, she would sometimes say things like, “Fine, if it’s that important to you,” or act as though she were doing me a special favour. Then she would just lie there, staring at the ceiling.

Over time, that hurt more than the lack of sex itself. I am not the kind of man who wants to be intimate with his wife just because it is his duty. For me, it is important that we enjoy each other, feel good together, and actually want each other. I explained it all to her. “I need you to feel loved, desired, and connected.”

At first, I thought it was just stress or tiredness, so I tried to be understanding. We would go months without it, and when it happened, it was few and far between. Even then, whenever I asked, it sounded as though I was asking her to do the hardest chore in the world. I felt lonely in my marriage, especially in the bedroom. I didn’t like what it was turning me into. Again, I spoke to her several times about how important physical intimacy was to me and how the lack of it was affecting our relationship. She promised to change, but it was always the same thing.

Yes, we used to have sex during our courtship, and it was good, excellent even. But now, it is the complete opposite. Sometimes, I even wonder if she was pretending all along because she wanted marriage.

I am a very principled person. Before God and man, I made a vow that I was never going to cheat on my wife. Before we even got married in 2020, I made the promised again, that I wil never betray her that way. I broke that vow in 2025, and I really regret that decision. I live looking over my shoulder, hoping what I did doesn’t come back to haunt me or destroy my family. Our marriage isn’t perfect, but it is good. It is home, and I like it.

Well, with all these troubles, I have taken things into my own hands. For now, whenever I have the urge for sex, I help myself just to feel better. Can you imagine a married man with two kids living like this? I walk around smiling like there is no fire in my house.

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

I still love my wife and want our marriage to work, but I struggle with the feeling that my concerns are not being heard. So I do what I need to do to help myself. Otherwise, I worry that all this bottled-up frustration will spill over onto a colleague, my children, or someone else who doesn’t deserve it, and I refuse to let that happen.

— CALEB
This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

#SB<>