We were strangers on a bus in foreign man’s land. As Black people, we naturally got talking, exchanged contacts, and from that day, a friendship was born.

Since then, we’ve been very close. We go out together, talk about everything, and anytime she cooks, she calls me to come and get some. What started as a kind gesture eventually became something she did regularly.

The more it happened, the more uncomfortable I felt always being on the receiving end. I wanted to contribute towards the cost of the food because what she was doing wasn’t easy, and I didn’t want it to look like I was taking advantage of her kindness. She kept insisting it was fine, but it mattered to me.

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That was why I kept pushing her to accept my small contribution.

She refused. “So now you’re saying I can’t just be a nice person? Keep it and use it for something else.”

I won’t lie, that touched me. It was such a sweet gesture, and it is something I have never taken for granted. That’s why she became very special to me.

Then one evening, something happened. I wouldn’t even call it an argument. We were talking on the phone, but she was unusually quiet. Normally, she’s lively, funny, and easy to talk to, so I immediately noticed something was off.

I asked her what was wrong.

“Hello? Hello? Are you there?”

There was no network problem. I wasn’t in Ghana, and the call was perfectly clear. She was choosing not to speak, and after several attempts to get a response from her, I got frustrated and ended the call.

The next morning, I woke up to a long message from her explaining what had happened.

She said her mind had drifted elsewhere because she was carrying a lot on her shoulders. She needed money to complete her visa renewal application, and to make matters worse, her Uncle had just passed away. Her family had also been putting pressure on her to contribute financially towards the funeral.

“It feels like two problems have landed on my head at the same time. God help me. I keep thinking about how exactly I’m going to pay all these bills within such a short period.”

Because she was only explaining herself, I didn’t ask how much she needed. Even if I had asked, what exactly would I have done with the information? You don’t go looking for trouble, trouble comes and finds you, so I just accepted the explanation and went back to things being how they were. The way she’d call me up to come for food, we talk about everything.

She ended up asking me for 3,200 euros for her visa renewal and said she would pay it back on a weekly basis. I wanted to give it to her, but on second thought, after thinking carefully and rationally about it, I rescinded. I just had a feeling that she wouldn’t be able to pay back the money, which would cause us to fight and ultimately destroy the relationship, and I don’t want that to happen at all. Arguments would start, resentment would build, and before long, the friendship would be ruined.

Money comes and goes, but some relationships are too valuable to gamble with.

So I made an excuse. I sympathised with her situation and even told her that if she had mentioned it much earlier, things might have been different.

Things were not weird when I went to her house for the food again. I even sent her money to cover up the expenses, and she sent it back with a message saying, “I didn’t ask you to send me money for the food, it is from the willingness of my heart, it’s all good.” I replied, “Thank you and God bless you.”

The thing is, when I offered the first time and she didn’t accept, that was the first time I was actually sending the money, and in my mind I was doing damage control, at least.

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

Since two weeks ago, she has been ignoring me. I sent her a goodnight message and she has not replied from that time till now. She hasn’t called to ask how I’m doing. She hasn’t checked up on me. She hasn’t called to say she made food and that I should come around.

I have also decided to match her energy by not texting or calling her because I don’t think I am wrong, or am I? I didn’t give the money because I feel she won’t pay back and will run away with my money, thereby destroying our relationship.

—Jonathan
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