By the time we hit three and a half years of marriage in a few months, I still won’t know how to describe what we have in this marriage. Maybe it’s because it still feels relatively new, but I have reached a point where I can no longer hide the “man” in me that wants to cheat. I never imagined I would ever feel the need to step outside my marriage, and I am not proud of where things stand right now, but I can no longer hold it in.

Since the day we got married, my wife has not initiated intimacy a single time. Not once. The only time she ever did was because of a specific trigger, which I will explain shortly.

Before anyone jumps to conclusions and asks if I didn’t notice she had a low sex drive before marriage, no, she was not like this at all. Before we married, we were still living with our parents, and every single time we met up, it was fireworks. We would talk about it constantly before meeting, she would tell me what she was going to do to me, I would take her up on the bet, and I would tell her she wouldn’t be able to walk after I was done with her. The chemistry was completely there.

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A few months before our wedding, she asked us to talk. She wanted to practice celibacy for the time being. “After all, we will have all our lives to explore what there is, don’t you think? Let’s make things right in the eyes of God before we settle down. You can do it, it’s just four months, then I am all yours. It’s just a matter of three weeks, four days.”

As a man who loved and respected her, I went along with it. We had great works on the night of the wedding, and the result of that night was in our hands nine months later. But from the day we sealed our marriage until this very moment, she has never made a single attempt to initiate intimacy.

Of course, I complained and she promised to do better. By better, she meant she would let me know she wants it, she would encourage me to come for it, all that stuff. But weeks turned into months, and she didn’t even make a move on her promise. Then we got to the point where she stopped allowing me access to her body, and we also reached the point where she told me that if I wasn’t going to force her, then nothing would happen because she certainly wasn’t going to start it.

We were circling the issue of sex one day when she admitted that she had come to lose interest in the theatrics of sex and didn’t know how to tell me, that it could be due to hormonal changes. We went to see a doctor and were given a 30-day course of medication to help. I had to chase her around with the medication, have you taken it, have you taken it, are you following the instructions? It was frustrating, and I had to remind her every single day. Out of 60 tablets, she took only four. The only time she felt the urge, which forced us to rush home while out in town, was on one of the rare days I literally had to force her to take the medication.

At this stage in our marriage, I am beginning to feel like she only wanted the title of marriage but wasn’t ready for the actual responsibilities that come with it.

As a husband, I do literally everything. I provide fully for her, support her family, and have even set up businesses to establish her family members. I make sure she has everything she needs, and I am performing my duties as a man to the best of my ability, but I feel like I am pouring into a cup that has a hole under it. I pour and it goes down the drain, and it gives nothing back.

I am an easygoing person who makes friends effortlessly, and because my job requires me to travel to other African countries, I am frequently exposed to opportunities. My colleagues and I go out, we meet new people, and the chance to have one-night stands or build separate relationships outside the home is always there. I could easily find another woman in another region or country, provide for her, and get the physical satisfaction my wedded wife refuses to give me.

For almost three years, I fought that urge. I tell the devil to back off, and it tells me to my ears that even when I get home there is absolutely nothing for me on that bed. I will complain and she will gaslight me into thinking it is just another issue that I will get over. How exactly do I get over this pent up energy in me?

Silent beads asked how some men manage to stay faithful to one woman for a lifetime. I read the comments and thought, wow, if only it were that simple. To sum it up: I don’t believe any man who has stayed perfectly faithful did it entirely on his own. The woman has a vital role to play, emphasis on vital.

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

After years of complaining, trying to fix the issues, and meeting a wall of zero effort, I couldn’t hold out any longer. I had to satisfy myself outside of my marriage, and honestly, I will do it over and over again just for my peace of mind.

Meanwhile, she is a jealous lover too, who is constantly worried about my whereabouts and terrified that I might be cheating, and she is still completely unwilling to do the needful and change the situation at home.

Being faithful is not a one-sided job.

—Danny

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