In less than a year of marriage, my wife has packed out of the house three times, threatening divorce. We didn’t have a major fight. Just any little thing and she would be gone, telling me she would not marry again. The first time it happened, she went to live with her friend for five days. I called her several times for two days and later told her mom about it.

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When the issue was discussed, she accused me of not contributing anything toward domestic chores, yet I was the first to attack her when something was left undone. This is what actually happened. The bathroom was not cleaned for several weeks. When I complained and she didn’t mind me, I did it myself and right after I did it, she went to bathe and left the place in a mess.

Of course, I complained and it turned into a fight instead of her agreeing to do better. She said I can’t tell her how to bathe and it was like I was taking her freedom to bathe freely from her all because I cleaned the bathroom. I called her lazy and she also called me something. The next minute, she had taken a bag and was leaving.

“Do you think I don’t have a bathroom where I come from that you’ll use this tiny one to harass me?”

Even after her mom had stepped in to talk to her, she came back two days later with her shoulders higher than her head, telling me I was lucky her mom intervened. I laughed with her and even tickled her just to calm her down. She starved me of sex for days as my punishment. Eventually, life came back to normal only for her to leave again a few months later.

This time, she went straight to her mom and complained that I’d threatened to beat her and that she had observed violent tendencies in my attitude. I didn’t threaten to beat her. I said the way she was always confrontational about little things, another man would have beaten her to a pulp.

She dangled her chest in front of me and spent the whole time screaming, “Beat me. Let’s see if I don’t get you arrested. Beat me. Just touch my skin and see.”

I called her a devil trying to tempt me to sin.

“I won’t go to jail because of you, witch,” I told her.

She was still talking plenty, so I held her lips together and asked her to keep quiet. She went in, packed a few things and off she went to her mom to complain about near-abuse.

When I went to see her mom to talk about it, she wouldn’t let me talk.

“Mom, he even pulled my lips. He’s lying. Next time I don’t know what else he will pull.”

I was patient. I needed her back home. When her mom suggested I should go and she would come later, I shook my head. I told her I wasn’t leaving without her following me.

Eventually, she followed me home. We didn’t talk for days. She loves to be tickled but even tickling didn’t work. She reacted as if I was fighting her. She starved me of sex for over a week and didn’t cook in the house. In her mind, she was punishing me.

This last one happened over a week ago. I complained about eating too much leftover food in the house and she retorted, “What are your hands doing apart from dangling by your side? Go to the kitchen and cook fresh food for yourself.”

I felt disrespected. My wife would cook one huge pot of stew and put it in the fridge. We would eat everything with that stew until it finished. That stew could last for a month because I wouldn’t eat it often. I would buy food from the street if I wanted something new to eat. She too would do the same while the stew stayed in the fridge. Even on weekends, she wouldn’t cook if that stew wasn’t finished.

I called her out and she told me I should go and cook. I asked, “Is that how you were raised to talk to your husband? Was that how your mother treated your dad when he was alive?”

She went in, packed a few things and left, saying I had intentionally brought up the death of her dad in our fight just to remind her of her trauma. She called me insensitive and inconsiderate before stepping out of the door.

She got home and said something different to her mom, that I had questioned her upbringing and insulted her mom’s parenting skills.

Her mom was waiting for my call. When I didn’t call, she called to ask why I said all that to her daughter and said that as a couple we could fight but should fight fair without sounding hurtful and insulting.

I was too tired to even explain myself. I thanked her mom for the advice but told her that wasn’t what happened.

Then she said, “I’m talking to her. She will come back tomorrow.”

I responded, “No, she shouldn’t come again. What’s the use if she comes today and leaves tomorrow? She wants to live with you, so let her.”

We haven’t talked since she left. It’s her mom who calls and asks how I’m doing. I tell her I’m fine without her daughter and I would want it to remain like that.

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Obviously, my wife is itching for me to come and beg so she will come back only to leave again. She doesn’t know I’m tired and that tired people need rest.

If she comes home by herself, I’ll set new rules around here and tell her the next time she leaves will be the end of our marriage. If she doesn’t come, I’ll learn to live without her.

—Danso

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