I have a boyfriend, and we started dating a few days into March this year after a talking stage. About one or two weeks into the relationship, I found out that he was not financially stable; he doesn’t have the money I thought he had. From everything he told me, he used to be doing very well for himself, and there were actual signs to support that. Then, according to him, his life completely fell apart last year when he was kidnapped during a business trip. He had to hand over all his savings as ransom just to survive, and from the way he tells the story, he almost lost his life.

The sad part is that his siblings don’t believe a word he says. They seem to think he squandered the money and is making excuses instead of telling the truth. They had helped him financially when he was starting his business, so I guess that makes it even harder for them to believe him.

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Most of the time he seems frustrated, devastated, and restless. Some days he just sits there staring into empty space, humming to himself and looking completely disconnected from the world around him. Watching him like that breaks my heart because I can see a man who is carrying far more than he knows how to handle.

Before anyone assumes I am after his money, that is not the case at all. I genuinely love him, and my concern comes from a place of care. At the same time, I cannot pretend that I am not worried. He is 31 years old, and while nobody has life completely figured out, I thought he would at least have some sort of plan or direction by now.

I have tried several times to have conversations with him about what comes next and how he plans to rebuild his life, but he is not interested in discussing it. He still lives in the family house, which is where he lived even before everything happened, and things have become so difficult that he sometimes struggles to feed himself. He is even owing me some money at the moment.

Some days, I honestly feel like he might be depressed.

We live quite far apart, and I am always the one paying for transportation whenever I go to see him. When I think about how much I have spent over these past few months, I realize it is beginning to affect me too. Sometimes I feel like I am slowly losing myself while trying to hold him together.

The thing is, he clearly needs serious help, yet he is not doing much to help himself. Most days he stays at home playing games on his phone, and I rarely see any effort toward changing his situation. It is one thing to fall on hard times, but it is another thing to stop fighting your way out of them, and that is what scares me the most.

Recently, he told me that he plans to travel to Lagos in August with a friend so they can start life over. His exact words were, “There is money in Lagos. Lagos will revive me.”

The thing is, that friend is struggling too. Sometimes it feels like the blind leading the blind, and unless there is something I do not know, I honestly cannot see how either of them plans to survive. Between now and August, I cannot even see how he intends to get by.

He has already sold some properties that belonged to his mother, and I watched how difficult that decision was for him. He really did not want to do it, but he felt he had no choice. Even now, he regrets it deeply.

His mother is currently in Canada helping his older sibling, who recently gave birth.

Sometimes I do not even know how to feel anymore. It is not like I come from a wealthy family myself, so carrying my own burdens while worrying about his has not been easy. The only thing I know for sure is that I love this man. He loves me too, and lately it feels like I am the only person standing firmly beside him. Because of that, I keep wondering what would happen if I walked away during what seems to be the darkest period of his life.

At the same time, I am preparing to get into medical school. I want to study medicine, and anyone who knows that path understands how expensive it can be. My parents are trying their best to support me, and I am doing everything I can too, but we all know that determination alone does not pay tuition fees.

To make things even more complicated, there are currently two men in my life who are interested in me. They are both doing very well financially, they regularly shower me with gifts, and they have made it clear that they would be willing to support me. The problem is that I do not feel anything for either of them.

Sometimes I just feel like crying. I cannot bring myself to betray my boyfriend. He keeps telling me that once he gets through this difficult chapter and gets back on his feet, he will do everything in his power to make me happy and comfortable.

I want to believe him. I really do.

But then I look at my own future, my dreams, my responsibilities, and the sacrifices I am already making, and I wonder whether love is enough. I wonder how long someone should hold on to hope when there is very little evidence that things are actually changing.

So now I am stuck between my heart and my reality.

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Do I stay with the man I love and hope things eventually get better? Or do I walk away and choose a different path with someone who can offer stability right now?

I cannot even imagine double dating. That is not who I am. And honestly, I do not know what to do.

— Sunday

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