The day I gave birth to my first child, my boyfriend’s mother moved in to help me take care of the baby. At the beginning of our relationship, I barely knew her. We had exchanged greetings here and there, but it was only when my stomach became too heavy to hide that we were properly introduced.

I was nervous at first. Every woman has heard stories about difficult mothers-in-law, so I prepared myself for tension, silent competition, and unnecessary corrections. Instead, she surprised me.

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We became close so naturally that some days I forgot she was not my own mother. When my maternity leave was almost over, I tried finding a place closer to her neighborhood. When I could not get one, I moved in with her temporarily while searching for a room.

Years later, I was pregnant with my second child, and my boyfriend and I still were not married. Honestly, marriage was never something I worried myself over. I believed if it was meant to happen, it would happen naturally. I was more concerned about surviving motherhood than chasing a ring.

But his mother hated it.

Anytime she looked at me, especially at my growing stomach, there was always this disappointment in her voice. She would complain that it was not proper for a woman to keep having children without marriage. She constantly spoke to her son about it and would later come back to update me on their conversations and plans. Eventually, they decided to combine the marriage ceremony and the naming ceremony to save money, and I agreed.

Then, just days before the ceremony, I went through my boyfriend’s phone and discovered he had been having an affair.

From the messages, it was obvious the relationship had been going on for a very long time. They were deeply involved and even making plans to get married. The number of times they said “I love you” to each other broke me completely. Even without meeting the woman, I could see how much they cared about each other.

I am not the kind of woman who fights for love. I believe love should come naturally, so finding those messages shattered me in ways I never expected. I cried morning and night. I had no strength left in me, but motherhood does not pause because your heart is broken. Somehow, every day, I still got up and did what I had to do for my children.

When I finally gathered myself, I told my boyfriend I was no longer interested in the marriage. I told him I knew about the other woman and that I did not have the strength to compete for first place in a man’s life. I suggested we only hold the naming ceremony and end the relationship afterward.

Immediately, he fell to his knees crying and begging. He said all the things men usually say when they are caught cheating. He said it was me he truly loved, that he would never do it again, and that we should stay together for the sake of the children.

But my heart had already changed. The ceremony was postponed, though we eventually went ahead with it anyway.

During all this, I secretly saved the other woman’s number from my husband’s phone. Something inside me kept whispering that my mother-in-law knew her.

Two weeks after our wedding, I took my mother-in-law’s phone and dialed the number. Immediately, her name appeared. Not only did she know her, they were actually very close and had been speaking for a long time.

That discovery wounded me all over again.

Recently, my daughter was using my phone when Facebook accidentally opened and the woman’s picture appeared under “People You May Know.” Mummy, that’s my aunty,” she said innocently. “Daddy and grandma took me to her house before. She gave me chocolate and cartoons to watch. Daddy, grandma and aunty went inside the room and stayed there talking.”

I swear my body went cold. Since that day, I have not looked at my mother-in-law the same way again. Whenever she calls, I rush the conversation. When she travels, I no longer check up on her like before. She complained to my husband that I have changed towards her.

But how do I explain that every time I hear her voice now, all I can think about is betrayal?

Sometimes I sit and wonder whether they only married me because of the children. Whether I was simply the responsible option while somebody else owned his heart.

Now I am considering taking a transfer and moving far away with my children since my husband is mostly absent anyway.

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But another part of me wants to look my mother-in-law directly in the face and ask her one question.

Why did you take my child to the woman sleeping with my husband?

—Bitha

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