We started as Facebook friends who commented on each other’s post. She thought I was funny and I thought she was cute. She posted a lot of pictures each day and there was not a single picture of hers that didn’t have my reaction or comment. I was even sharing some of her photos on my timeline for no reason at all. All that while, I didn’t have her number and she also didn’t have mine. Our only means of conversation was through messenger.

One day she asked me, “Why haven’t you asked for my number all this while? Is it because you are shy or you feel too big to ask?” I said, “I’ve been meaning to ask but I didn’t want to create the wrong impression.” She asked, “What wrong impression can you create just by asking for a lady’s number?” I said, “It’s a slippery slope down here. We only know people by the photos they post so we ought to be careful when dealing with them so we don’t send wrong signals.”

She said, “So ask for my number.” I sent her my number and said, “This is my number, what’s yours?” That day, our conversation had a different channel. We no longer spoke on Messenger. We either called each other or texted what we wanted to say through WhatsApp. After a few months of talking and texting, I realized I was developing something for her. I wasn’t sure of how she felt about me so I took my time until one day, saying I love you became inevitable.

She said, “But we haven’t met yet?” I said, “We’ve met. What’s left is seeing each other physically. She said, “Then wait until we meet. You can’t trust photos these days.” I was in Takoradi and she was in Accra. We planned to meet on different occasions but something always came up to change our plans. A week to her 25th birthday she sent me a message; “My birthday is happening in Takoradi. No excuses. No last-minute cancelling of plans. Just get ready for me.” I responded, “No excuses. No last-minute cancellation. Just come.”

She came to Takoradi as scheduled and that night we didn’t sleep. It was like the world was coming to an end and we needed to fill our time before it all comes down. We moved from one place to another and stayed as long as we could. It was around 1am when I took her to her hotel. The day before she left Takoradi, she said, “Now that you’ve seen me, what?” I said, “Nothing has changed. You’re even prettier than you look in photos. Let’s date.” She said, “I like you too. I’ve always said that. I hope you don’t change.”

The next day, I sent her to the station and she took a bus back to Accra. Immediately she got to Accra, she sent me a message; “I don’t think you love me that much. Let’s break up.” I was shocked. I said, “How did you know that I don’t love you that much? We are only a few days old so how did you come to that conclusion?” She said, “Don’t worry. It’s better we go our separate ways now before it’s too late.”

I bugged her for weeks before she talked about what the issue was. She said, “I was in Takoradi for two days. You said you love me but you never took me home. You left me at the hotel for the two nights that I was there. And each time you were with me, you were in a rush to go back home. What are you hiding?” I told her, “I live with my mom and she’s currently sick. I couldn’t take you home because I didn’t want your first meeting with my mom to be that way. I was in a rush to go home because she needed me around.”

She accepted my reason but grudgingly. We came back together again. We laughed and cheered. We could stay on the phone for hours talking about nothing important but that made us happy. Three months into the relationship, I woke up one morning to see a long message from her. She said, “I don’t think this love thing is going to work. Let’s break up before it’s too late. We’ve dated for only three months but you’ve changed totally. This is not the guy I fell for. We are not too far to change our mind.”

I called her on phone, “Hadassah, What changes are you talking about? Haven’t we been talking every day? Haven’t we been laughing all the time? Even last night before you went to sleep, we were on the phone chilling so what are you talking about?” She asked, “When was the last time you reacted to my post on Facebook? When was the last time you commented or even shared my post? Was it like that from the start? So, am I wrong to tell you that you’ve changed?”

I didn’t want to drag the issue so I apologized. I promised to start commenting and reacting again. And I did. Not a single post passed me by without commenting or reacting. One day she said I should visit her in Accra, I did. She introduced me to her parents and other siblings. Everything was good. Not too long afterwards, she said, “Now that you know my family, when should I come to meet yours?” I told her, “I want my mom to get better. She’ll be very happy to meet you and we’ll take it up from there.”

She wasn’t happy about my response. She kept accusing me of things I haven’t done. She kept asking for a breakup but each time, I assured her of my undying love. Recently, a lady called Phyllis sent me a friend’s request on Facebook. I realized she was friends with some good friends of mine so I didn’t hesitate to accept her request. A few days later, the lady was in my inbox telling me how funny I was and how she couldn’t wait to be a friend. She asked for my number and I gave it to her.

She was always commenting on my post and building a long thread of comments under my post. I saw her as a friend and chat with her often. Hadassah started asking questions; “Why is she always on your timeline? Why are you tolerating her knowing you have a girlfriend?” I didn’t mind her. I’d come to know that was her character.

One day, Phyllis asked if we could go out. I told her I was in Takoradi and she said she was in Takoradi too. I went to her profile to check her details which I hadn’t done all this while. Her profile looked suspicious. I called the line she was using to chat with me on WhatsApp and it didn’t go through. Later when I asked, she said that line was for WhatsApp alone. I started growing suspicious but I kept talking to her. She started asking personal questions like, “Do you have a girlfriend? What’s her name? Where is she and all that. I pulled the break on her.

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I went to Accra Last week to see Hadassah. While there, I sent a message to Phyllis’ line and Hadassah’s phone beeped. She looked at the message and came to look at my face. I smiled. I told her, “So it’s you?” She was so embarrassed to even look at me and respond to my questions. She said, “I was testing you to see if you were cheating.” I shook my head and left her place. The next day, I travelled back to Takoradi.

I’ve decided to leave the relationship. Her insecurities are too many it’s beginning to scare me. She texts me every day apologizing for not trusting me. She said, “I’m doing all that because I love you and don’t want to lose you. Don’t you see it?” I don’t see that as love. I want to walk away but unfortunately, we had our first sex when I was in Accra with her. Now she’s using that to get to me emotionally. She said, “You want to leave because you’ve got what you wanted right? It’s now easy to leave because I’ve served you with what you always wanted.”

I feel guilty but I still want to leave. Do I have enough grounds to leave her? I love her honestly but I’m scared she’s not going to change and that would destroy us eventually. It’s better I leave now but I want to know if I have enough good reasons to leave her and move on with my life.

–Anthony

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