As a woman, one thing I do when I meet a man who is interested in me is ask questions. I don’t just listen to your answers, I pay attention to how you answer them. The pauses, the confidence, the things you avoid. It helps me understand what I am getting myself into. So yes, I asked around. Not in an obvious way, I wasn’t moving around with his picture, but something close to that.

The truth is, we barely had time for each other. I was on morning shift, he was on night shift. When I was ready to talk, he was tired. When he had the energy, I was already drained. There was no balance, so we created one. I even requested a change in my shift just so I could spend more time with him.

After the first night I spent at his place, things changed between us. A lot of things. Irreconcilable differences, and differences that could be solved if he would just come clean with me.

Here is what happened. He had stepped out on an errand, and I was alone in his room. I don’t even know what pushed me, but I started looking around, checking corners, opening things. Maybe I just wanted to be sure there was no other woman. You know how women can be, leaving small signs, marking territory without saying a word.

That was when I saw it. A small wardrobe in one corner. It wasn’t hidden, just there. I opened it and saw a chart that looked like something spiritual, like Buddhist chants or something close to that. There was a ceramic cup in the middle. I opened it and saw water. I checked the drawer. Incense. Candles. At that point, I was already whispering under my breath, “Jesus… Jesus…”

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I didn’t wait for him to settle when he came back. I started talking immediately, pouring everything out. What I saw, what I felt, what I was thinking. He didn’t even flinch. I followed him into the bedroom. He sat on the bed like nothing had happened, and I stood at the door just looking at him, trying to understand who exactly I was with.

Before we officially started dating, I had already questioned him about his faith. He told me adulthood was taking more than half of his time, so he barely made it to the house of God. That was the case for me too, so I understood. But I still pressed further, because these things are important to me. Very important.

He told me he was partly Catholic.

So now I ask, you are Catholic, what exactly was that thing doing in your wardrobe?

That was when he said something that opened up a whole different conversation. He said we all have different ways of worshipping God. I tried to understand; I really did, but I couldn’t keep quiet. God is spirit, so how does He sit inside a wardrobe?

He asked me, “Don’t traditionalists worship God?” I said, “That’s what they say.” He pushed, “Do they, yes or no?” I paused and said, “I don’t know for them. They say we worship the same God, but they go through mediums. My Bible tells me I can go into my room and pray directly to God. I don’t need anything in between.”

We went back and forth like that. Different beliefs, different understanding, and neither of us was ready to bend. At some point, I just said it, “If you don’t change, then we are breaking up.” That was the last thing I said that night. He didn’t react.

The next morning, I was getting dressed to leave, still heavy from everything, and then he did something I don’t think I will ever forget. He pulled a chair, sat right in front of that wardrobe, opened it, and started chanting. Right there, in front of me. Like I wasn’t even there, or maybe like he wanted me to see it clearly.

I didn’t say anything. I just left, but I left more shaken than I was the night before.

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The thing is, I am not asking him to choose between his God and me. I just want to understand. I want him to tell me who his God is and what he believes in. Maybe if I understand it, I might even accept it. Who knows.

We say we have broken up, but not really, not completely. We are still cordial. At work, anywhere we see each other, everything looks normal, or at least it pretends to be. But there are conversations we need to have, and both of us are avoiding them. Maybe because we already know where they will lead.

Do I still like him? Yes, I do. More than I expected to. He is different from the others I have dated. And do I want more of him? My heart says yes.

But this one thing, his faith, stands in the way. And I don’t know if love alone is enough to cross it.

—Vida

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