She made a comment in a Facebook group, and her photo caught my attention. I followed her profile and watched every picture she had posted. The first thing that came to my mind was that a beautiful lady like her couldn’t be single, so I dropped every interest that day and went on with my business.

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I kept seeing her posts every now and then, and I would ignore them. One day, I went into her DMs and introduced myself. said I liked the things she posted and wanted to be friends with her. She responded with a lot of courtesy. She said she was happy to have a friend in me and asked what I did for a living.

A day later, the conversation had shifted from Facebook to a voice call and then to WhatsApp. We talked nonstop and exchanged photos. She asked about my church, and I told her. She knew our head pastor because he was on TV. She said, “Oh, then you belong to a good church. If you’re a doer of the Word, then you’re a good man too because your head pastor is such a good preacher.”

She didn’t sound overly religious, but you could see she had a heart for the gospel. I loved that about her too. The only problem was distance. She didn’t live in Accra, but she said she came to Accra often, so we planned to meet the day she would come to visit.

One early morning, she called and told me about a dream she had about me. She said she saw me wearing a white suit and seated at a high table while my boss was at a lower table listening to me. After narrating the dream, she said I had a good future but should pray about it so the devil wouldn’t snatch it away.

I’m a church person, but when it comes to dreams, I pay little attention to them. If good dreams are supposed to come true, then bad ones, like the ones where you see yourself talking to birds and eating seeds with them, should also come true. When she asked me to pray about it, I said I would, but I didn’t.

One day, she said she was coming to Accra in three days. The joy was boundless. We stayed on the phone talking about all the places we would go and what we would do during the three days she was coming. She asked, “What if I’m not as nice as the person you see in the photos?” I responded, “I’ve seen you in videos too, remember?”

She came to Accra and we planned to go on a date the next day. She came to the date with a Bible in her hand. When she sat down, she placed the Bible on her lap even though she was carrying a handbag. I got curious. “Are you coming from church, or are you going to church from here?” She smiled. “Is it because of the Bible? I carry it with me everywhere.”

The menu came, and we both ordered. When the drinks were served, she started taking videos of them. It’s normal. Ladies do that so I didn’t think much of it until I heard her saying, “This is what I ordered.” I asked, “Who are you talking to?” She answered, “Someone you are going to meet soon, don’t worry.”

When the food came, she pointed the camera at mine and then at hers. “This is the food, bless it for us,” she said.

Then she closed her eyes and kept saying “amen” while the man on the phone prayed audibly. I was confused. I looked at her phone screen, and it was a WhatsApp video call. The person’s face wasn’t showing, but you could hear his voice. When we started eating, she placed the Bible on the table, even though there was very little space. She placed the Bible there and put her glass on it.

We ate in silence. I didn’t know what to expect next. From everything I was hearing and seeing, the person might have been her pastor or a prayer partner. She chewed loudly and spoke softly to the person on the phone. She asked me, “How often do you come here to eat?” When I answered “not often,” she asked again, “Do you come here alone when you come to eat?”

I could tell it was the person on the phone who was feeding her the questions. She asked, “Did you ever come here with your ex?” I answered no. The person on the phone said, “Are you sure?”as if he were sitting at the table talking to me. She repeated the question, “Are you sure?”

At that point, I was getting angry, but I couldn’t voice my grievances because this person on the phone might hear me. I stopped eating and gave her a look to indicate I wasn’t happy. She didn’t bother. She kept eating and talking to the phone while I sat there looking at her. I stopped answering questions just to make it clear that I wasn’t pleased with what was happening. She kept talking anyway.

After eating her fill, she picked a small bottle from her bag. I heard the person on the phone saying something, but I didn’t catch the whole sentence. Then she said, “Lean forward and let me smear this oil on your forehead. If you’re the one, after tonight, you will know, and I will also know.”

I got up and started leaving. I walked to the waitress who served us and asked her to bring the bill. While she was preparing it, I saw her getting up, this time with her Bible and oil in her hand. I made the payment and started walking out, but she followed me. She asked, “Why are you leaving? Are you angry? I’m not trying to do anything bad, it’s just oil.”

I kept moving. She followed. I stopped a taxi. She said, “Ah, are you serious about leaving me here? I thought…” I cut her midway. “Stay with your pastor or whoever it is, since he’s the only one you’re listening to. If you two belong to an occult, I refuse to be initiated.”

I was so angry that I started narrating the story to the taxi driver, and he said, “Ah, I’m sorry to say this, but are you sure she’s not a mad person?” I responded, “Don’t be sorry. She probably is, but I didn’t do my checks well.” He burst out laughing. “Eiii, there are special human beings on social media, ooo. Maybe she’s a marine spirit talking to her marine boss, who knows?”

When I didn’t pick up her calls, she texted, “These are the signs God gives when you’re not with the right person. Thanks for knowing you, but I don’t think it’s meant to be.” I responded, “I’m happy God showed me this sign because, obviously, you’re not the one. Which normal person goes on a date with a spiritual director by her side?”

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We didn’t talk again, but when she was leaving Accra, she texted. I didn’t respond. When she got to her destination, she texted again. I didn’t respond. She blocked me on Facebook but still watches my status every day when I post. Whoever hears the story laughs. My friend Albert said, “If she was normal, do you think you would be the one to date her?”

It’s funny, but I think he’s right. Not all that glitters is gold.

—Abeiku 

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